On the Campaign Trail

If it seems like the citizens of Mitchieville line up at the election booth frequently, well, you'd be right. But a chance to overthrow that Mayor who usurped me in the last election should be an occasion to riot in the streets.

Let us have a look at what the Mayor has done for you lately. Just this past weekend, he flew off to New Orleans, effectively ignoring the flooding in his own town that was caused by an explosion of an old watermain. He has raised taxes and increased the photocopy budget at city hall. He has banned smoking in public and private establishments. The roads are nearly as pothole ridden as those in London Ontario; apparently, new office furniture is more important than the alignment of your vehicle. He was filmed by the National Enquirer hiding in the washroom of the hotel where his mistress is staying.

I could go on at great length, but we all know it's time for the Mayor to go. The time has come to focus on the broken window fallacy.

The money that is taken from your pocket to fund the Mayor's pet projects is money you do not have to spend on yourself and your family. Let us get selfish here and look at the reality of the situation. The streets are crumbling, the garbage is piling, the collective farms are yielding little food, and the town square is a shrine to the current corrupt Mayor. The price of gas continues to rise along with the temperature. What has the Mayor done for you lately?

As I begin my campaign for Mayor of Mitchieville, complete with a pounding headache, I am pleased to announce my campaign manager is none other than the infinitely talented dmorris, a proven mathematician at election times. He is a force to be reckoned with and brings a lot of cash to my campaign. He gets a gas guzzling truck, free gasoline for a year, and food from my kitchen, and power in exchange for his support.

Other important announcements are coming soon. Stay tuned. I, Lisa, care about your hard earned cash more than Fenris and the soon to be former Mayor combined. I wear black leather fiscal boots.

Vote for Lisa Foggy on October 14th. Vote for change you can believe in. If you doubt it, you will be crushed.

Mitchieville 2008 Election - Reg's Hope For Change

After weighing the pro's and con's of the various contenders for the office  'Mayor of Mitchieville' I have hastily made my choice.  I, Reg Reginaldson, Minister of Munitions, Textiles As It Pertains To Munitions Production, and Mitchieville Keg Restaurant Franchise Holder, hereby endorse LISA FOGGY for Mayor of Mitchieville.

I'm sure long time readers of Mitchieville will be shocked by this endorsement. Lisa and I have been battling on this sacred and hallowed blog for nearly 2 years now. Despite her cruel comments a couple months back about the reason for my current lack of female company in my life, I have chosen to forgive.  Forgiving is what good people do. I have come to realize that a woman as skilled as Lisa can give a man like myself that one thing The Mayor and Fenris never could: cooking lessons. 

Indeed, Lisa knows that her place is in her kitchen.  Lisa is a woman who can cook, and that my friends is proof of her solid anti-feminist social conservative credentials.  I  made a point of vetting her various blogs for almost 3 minutes tonight and with that exhaustive research complete I feel I can say that I feel the same way that Lisa feels or claims to feel with regards to the important issues facing Mitchieville in the one or two posts I actually bothered to read.  These clear and well defined policies of Lisa Foggy bodes well for the future of Mitchieville.

My Pro-Lisa Choice decision is more than about than pure policy though. Lisa is the senior blogger at The London Fog, and as such Lisa has been in command of the Home Guard there for the past 2 years now!  Let us not forget that London shares a border with Mitchieville's mortal enemy - Fostertown - which of course means that Lisa is an expert dealing with defence issues.  What about foreign affairs you say?  Lisa is an expert at cooking African, Indian, Thai, Turkish, Greek, Mexican and Eastern European food.  With this kind of extensive international cooking experience Lisa shouldn't be running for mayor, she should be running for leader of the free world!

I've only met Lisa in person twice, but I have a gut instinct that LISA FOGGY is the right woman for the job.  Sure I actually chat with LINDS a couple times a week, and comment regularly at Ice Princess, but my gut says Lisa.  I should add that Lisa's husband, Mapmaster, a champion cartographer, is as handsome as he is handy.  And their pet cats, Cooter, Rosco, Enos, and Cletus, are well loved and I'm pretty sure all have either been spayed or neutered lest there be any kittens born during what would already be a stressful campaign.  I feel I can say with 1000% confidence that Lisa Foggy is the best choice for Mayor of Mitchieville.

Know that Service Hopes First for Change, VOTE LISA FOGGY on October 14!

THE MITCHIEVILLE VICTORY SONG

We are together, together we are.
Are we together? Together we are.
Together we are, we are together!

We work for peace, peace works for us.
Does peace work for us? We work peace.
We work for peace, peace works for us!

We work for Victory Coffee, Victory Coffee works for us.
Does Victory Coffee work for us? We work for Victory Coffee.
We work for Victory Coffee, Victory Coffee works for us!

We are happy to pay our taxes, Taxes are happy when we pay them.
Are taxes happy when we pay them? We are happy to pay our taxes!
Thank you taxes, We Will Pay You!

Hurrah! Hurrah! HURRAH!

Copyright Mayor Mitch, Fenris Badwulf, and Reg Reginaldson

Friday Night Male Flesh - Wedding Essentials

I want to start off by offering my warm congratulations to the Mayor and his bride to be. We Californians have recently joined league with our fair neighbor to the North is recognizing marriage for all citizens. So, my interest in marriage has suddenly been piqued. In fact, I'm now starting to think about the essential items that are necessary for a wedding. Because, you know, someday maybe even I'll get hitched!

Everyone knows the basics: tux, wedding ring, brides and/or grooms, etc. And for the bride you've got to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. But what about the groom? What essential items should he have? Well, I dug around the Internet and turned up two very important photos to help start to solve this puzzle.

These guys all seem to feel that a tux shirt and jacket are totally optional. However, it would seem that they value a few other important items: hairspray, facial hair, mullets, perms, white cummerbunds, gold chains, and chest hair. Hrm, I'm not sure about you Mayor, but I don't think I can grow that much chest hair and I think I'd loose my membership to the Homosexualist Club if I grew a mullet or got a perm. I think I can manage the rest, though.

Never in a million years would I have thought to dress up my buddy down below for my wedding. Of course I knew I had to wear a bow tie around my neck. But thankfully I found this picture and now I know that I'm also supposed to wear two bow ties. And who wouldn't want to wear a silver thong underneath their tux? I certainly wouldn't miss this special opportunity to put on a sexy silver thong. Mayor: Imagine the fun your newlywed wife will have on the honeymoon as she discovers you in such sexy boy undies!

 

And what wedding would be complete without sexy man candy? Every bachelor party needs its entertainment. Louis here certainly would keep me entertained. In fact, I might be inclined to take Louis along on the honeymoon too! Mayor, I'm presuming Reg's female specimens this week will be more in line with what you're thinking for bachelor party fun. I just couldn't resist sharing Louis here for all the lady folk in Mitchieville.

Let's review. Based on what I've uncovered Mayor, you'll need the following items to have a successful wedding: plentiful facial and chest hair, a mullet and/or perm, gold chains, and most importantly, special tuxedo-themed packaging for your special package! Hope my research has been useful.

I and all the readers of  Loganotron wish the Mayor and Mrs. Mayor all the happiest of days. Until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health!

As ratified by The Mitchieville Cabinet at the third session of the general cabinet meeting earlier this week, in honour of  the wedding of His Worship, Mitch, The Mayor of Mitchieville to The First Lady, The Little Danish Girl , the following resolutions are passed:

1. That this Saturday, June 14, 2008, be declared a statutory holiday in all of the sovereign dominions that this blog reaches.

2. At the hour of 9pm on the night of June 14, 2008 an alcohol toast (or two or three) shall be made by Mitchieville residents in honour of The Mayoral Couple.

3.  As Environment Canada has called for rain this Saturday, animal sacrifice offerings made in the name of Set, The Snake God, shall  be made at sunrise on the morning of the 14th by Darcey, Dmorris, Todd and Linds.

4.  Lord Fenris, in conjunction with the Minister of Finance will issue a rare Victory Latte this Sunday morning instead of the usual  watered down Victory Coffee.

5. Gifts are expected and can be forwarded to the Munitions Ministry where Reg will keep them safe from the hands of unscrupulous telemarketers until opened by The First Couple. (Fenris Badwulf abstained from this resolution)

6. Citizens of this hallowed and Nobel blog are advised that non-compliance of the above resolutions will be harshly punished.  The right to publish pithy and sarcastic comments at Mitchieville will be suspended until reviewed by the Punishment Review Board (Mayoral Protocol  Sub-Committee) monthly meeting at the Mitchieville Public Library. Those residents found guilty of non-compliance will only be allowed to watch Rosie O'Donnell Show reruns until appropriate reparations have been made to The First Couple.

 

Long Live Mayor Mitch and our First Lady TLDG!

 

Issued by Order of the Mitchieville Cabinet , 12 June 2008

The Mitchieville Gun Club Meet and Greet

A little while back I introduced you to the founding members of the Mitchieville Gun Club. We had an informal meet and greet at The Manor on the weekend before hitting the ranges for an afternoon shoot.  The Mayor was pleased to see so many new members that I swear he almost cried.  The last time I saw The Mayor cry was when we rented Old Yeller.  The Mayor gets all weepy when Travis shoots Old Yeller.  Damn dog should've listened. Here's our newest members:

OMMAG likes guns.  OMMAG likes to buy guns.  OMMAG like to buy lots and lots of guns.  OMMAG then likes to mount the newly purchased  guns on his living room wall to spook the couple that just moved in from Newfoundland across the street.  OMMAG likes to BBQ the animals he slays with his many guns.  The City of Winnipeg wishes OMMAG wouldn't hunt at the municipal zoo.

Logan is a solitary lad who survives the mean streets of San Francisco with a small collection of hand guns and 12 a gauge shot gun.  Afraid to leave the safety of his one bedroom basement apartment, Logan passes time by cleaning his kitchen over and over and over again.  Seriously, what kind of single guy keeps a kitchen that clean and maintains such high personal standard of personal grooming? Weird.

This is Ice Princess and her hubby Dark Blue Tory with their two kids (and number three on the way).  They live well north of the urban sprawl that is Toronto because they think they are better than everyone else.  DBT believes in teaching his kids how to handle guns at a small age incase Pierre Trudeau comes back as a zombie and runs against Stephen Harper in the next election.

I really shouldn't brag, but this is me with my new squeeze.  We met about a month ago at a quiet little gun range just North of  Mitchieville Township and love blossomed.  We moved in together over the weekend and everything is sex, guns, working out, and more sex.   Being a physical fitness man like I am, I appreciate her slender physique and athletic build. I make the meals, she polishes the gun.  Does it get any better than this?

Good old Dmorris is a kindly old fellow. When he isn't out walking Poochie or volunteering at the local mall community services counter he can be seen taking pot-shots at the local skate board freaks.  'Crazy Old Man Morris' is what they call him.  Some of his bingo buddies call him 'One Nut Morris'  but that story is for another day. Let's leave Dmorris be so he can get a nap in before lunch time.

Frank from Purple Tory is a handsome young rouge is he not?  When not at school at some privileged East-Coast university, Frank bides his time in Kingston in his job as a "Historical Re-enactment  Entertainer" at Old Fort Henry.  Having little kids wipe ice cream on his scarlet tunic makes Frank angry and at night he takes his frustrations out on the many parolees Corrections Canada lets out every day. Hey Frank, what's in the pizza boxes?

When MUGS  isn't on the hammers or taking pictures of nekkid women at his "private" home photo studio he can be seen hunting on his property.  I see he even has two dogs and a bitch to keep him company.  I suppose I shouldn't make *BITCH* jokes here as it appears that Mrs. Mugs can handle a piece.  A small piece to be sure but what does MUGS care, he's happy as long as she's happy. Now go fetch some critters for supper MUGS!

 

Todd is your typical Aussie punk-ass lay about with a chip on his shoulder.  With his trashy American girlfriend and disturbingly small handgun Todd wastes away the days in a drug fuelled haze of self hate and loathing.  Dirt poor, his "Sheila" makes low cost clothing for the Thai-boys who live across the hall. For entertainment Todd watches Yahoo Serious DVD's on a stolen 10 inch TV.

ENIG-MAC is a man's man if there every was one.  Rugged, good looking and one hell of a shot.  Not only did he shoot the animals mounted on his wall, he gutted them, carried them down a BC mountain, and then jogged back into Vancouver with the stags on his back.   In his spare time, Enig-Mac teaches fire arm safety at the local Public Library and volunteers at the local used battery depot.  Enig-Mac - what a guy!

Hat Tip

This Is a Test Post by Reg

I'm trying out a new blogger program that The Mayor had in his Linkie Love post below.  Patience please while I give Windows Live Writer a whirl.

Oh, I like this so far.  Now let's try and add a female flesh pic:

Mayor,  this program rocks!  Much better than Blogger.  Now let's try a linky link:

Fishing the Afghan way!

Oh, sweet - Mayor, you've have got to try this program out. 

And now I will edit -----  Get Window Live Writer here.

Introducing The Mitchieville Gun Club

With the snow gone and the first spring flowers peeping out of the ground we can turn our attention to Mitchieville's favourite recreational activity, shooting guns!


The Mayor smiles like a father with a newborn baby in his hands as he proudly displays his gun collection. The Mayor isn't only a member of The Mitcheiville Gun Club, he's the President and Financial Secretary as well. I suggest not asking him where the 2007 membership fees went.



The Hillman Family loves spending time together. Here we see little Sally on the computer helping plan the families next Seal Pup Hunt in Newfoundland while mom and dad substitute having real sex by polishing their guns. Killing baby seal pups makes Hillman feel like a real man. Heck, it makes us all feel like real men. Nice legs Mrs. Hillman!


Marginalized Action Dinosaur and his family take their guns seriously. The reason why they are smiling in this picture is because they just told the photographer he has a 5 minute head start before they hunt him for sport. I'm not kidding, run you stupid bastard!



If Steamboat McGoo looks like a hard ass in this picture it's because he is one bad Mofo. Steamboat has an AR-15, the civilian model of the favourite yankee weapon of death, the M16. Steamboat lives in St. Louis, America's most violent city, so it begs the question: why does Steamboat not have something a helluva a lot more powerful than an AR-15 to protect himself with?



It's not easy being Fenris Badwulf. The sex, the drugs, the shit pay he gets from The Mayor; some days are harder than others. While a devotee of Set, The Snake God, we see that Fenris is paying tribute to a Hindu deity today. I think it's best we don't ask Fenris if that high powered sniper rifle of his is registered with the Canadian National Firearm Registry and just let him relax.



Pseudonym is a solitary fellow. Alone in his Thornhill basement plotting his revenge on Patrick Hillman, one wonders why God would even bring a person like this onto Earth? Look at him - obese, reclusive, never seen a nekkid girl before. I mean come on, he doesn't even have a real name! We should feel sorry for Pseudonym, and then we should use him for live target practice.



You can tell who wears the pants around Kmorris' house. Hubby has a pile of rifles behind him and still looks nervous as hell. Maybe that's because Kate is armed with a handgun and smiles knowing she could easily pop a cap in hubby's skull and dispose of his body without anyone caring. Sleep easy hubby, you're not worth enough money (yet).



h\t

Mitchieville Grovels

The Finance Minister reports trouble of late. He's apparently been out of the office in search of a little pussy. Imagine his shock when his little Persian turned up on an Al-Jazeera web site:



"Looking back," says Hillman, "hindsight is always 20/20. The signs were there from the beginning with this feline.. And what better place for a friggin' cat than a sleeper cell?"

Mitchievillians are advised to avoid this dangerous kitty at all costs. Shoot first, ask questions later!


I guess this is what passes for an excuse not to email Reg. At least Linds had the decency to come up with the original "I'm 6 months pregnant and had a wisdom tooth pulled this week" excuse.

500 000

Hit number 500,000:

February 28th 2008 04:39:15 PM
2 mins 56 secs
MSIE 6.0
Windows XP
Regina Saskatchewan Canada

500 000 Reasons For A Special Female Flesh Post

Sometime today Mitchieville is going to surpass the 500,000 hit mark. I just want to say "thanks Mayor" for letting me be a part of Canada's 4th place humour blog the funniest damn blog in Canada and look forward to reaching our one millionth hit on Ocotber 17, 2008 at 7:35AM (that's what Sargon told me on the weekend). This wouldn't be possible of course without our loyal readers, so for you, a special mid-week Female Flesh just because.

Mitchieville Reader is JFK's Illigitimate Son

The internet is buzzing this afternoon on reports that Vanity Fair magazine has tracked down the illegitimate son of assasinated US president John F. Kennedy living in British Coumbia. These same reports state that Vanity Fair sent famous photographer, Harry Benson, who has photographed the Kennedy family in the past, to BC for portraits and are waiting DNA tests results or Kennedy family confirmation before going to press with the story. My only question is: Dmorris, why didn't you let Mitchieville break the story?

Ich Bin Ein Mitchieviller

Friday Morning Female Flesh

With the Sitemeter clipping along rather nicely again and the support we had in regards to our nomination for Best Humour Blog in the Canadian Blog Awards, I have a feeling that things are looking up for Mitchieville. As for the Blog Awards, the powers that be have decided to announce the winners of three categories a day over the next week. We'll let you know when we know when someone at the Blog Awards lets us know what they aleady know but won't tell. Capeesh?

Send Fenris your money!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

There is only one day left to vote for Mitchieville as 'Best Canadian Humour Blog'. Click on

this really green link

and vote for Mitchieville before midnight, Wednesday, Mitchieville time. The Mayor, Fenris and I appreciate your support and will appreciate it even more if once we win this cursed competition.

Yours in eternal bloggily love,

Reg

Friday Morning Female Flesh

Ministry of Munitions Edition

It is only a matter of time before Mitchieville, acting under the orders of Dark Lord Kucinich, launches it's invasion of the United States. Today we'll be looking at the ladies whose work is rarely recognized but is a vital part of our war effort.

Our very own Linds, amateur graphic designer and Kucinich loyalist, designed this motivational poster for Mitchieville. That's me in the suit.


Alejandra looks great in her stylish steel toed high heels and operates a Front-End Loader at Munitions Quarry #4. When the invasion begins, Alejandra will drive the Mitchieville Command Vehicle and Recreational Centre (seen below) into battle. You can't see him but The Mayor is in his command Lazy-Boy Recliner while reviewing training drills.
















These young ladies have been trained by Suvorov to blend in with San Francisco hippies and then use their water cooled Maxim Gun on unsuspecting Yankee imperialist soldiers. Never trust women wearing black faux-boa trim on their dresses.






On the left, our Medical Officer eschews tradition by wearing an all black leather uniform designed by Sonjia DeSade.

Captain Holmes, on the right, disarms foolish American 'teeth fetish' men with her 1000 Watt smile.


Here we have the heart of the Munitions Ministry: Ordnance Assembly. Despite a sternly worded Cease and Desist letter from the United Nations Security Council, Sgt-General of Artillery Badwulf has ordered some 1000 Phosgene Shells for use high density urban areas. Should it appear that these shells are about to fall into Yankee hands they are to be dumped into Lake Erie where we assume no one will notice the difference in water quality.

















My sister builds guns for living in rural Peterborough County and it was her idea to develop the 'Hello Kitty' pattern of weapons to encourage more female teenage recruits. This variant has a a ten power scope and laser sight just like in the video games. Just remember 'Center Body Mass' girls!













It's Safety Week at Mitchieville. I can assure readers that here at the Munitions Ministry once we meet production quotas, profit targets, and take month long tropical vacations, safety is our number one concern. I thought I should share this picture with you:

Second Class Forklift Driver Hillary got her job at the Phosgene Shell Factory because her husband, William, had been a forklift operator at the same factory for 8 years. When Hillary applied for the job she told everyone who would listen, even those who didn't want to listen, that hearing about her husbands 8 years experience was enough experience for her to drive the forklift. We got lucky in the above incident as no one died and the damage was minimal. I suggest that none of you take that chance though. Thinking about it now, William was a much better forklift operator than the guy who took over for him, George. But neither George, William, or George Sr (a good and decent forklift operator in his own right) were as good as Ron. Ron was so good at driving forklift he put our main competitor out of business!


Where the hell was I? Here is a little Ministry of Munitions eye-candy to get you through the day. If you want anything better I suggest you look at the non-hoohoo picture from yesterday.
















Vote for Mitchieville as Canada's Best Humour Blog !

Tonight We Dine In Hell - D'oh!

It there are two things The Mayor, Fenris and I can agree on it is that the movie 300 kicks some serious arse (like how I avoided the word ass) and that our readers are the most beautiful people on earth. The special trailer below may become our new movie favourite:



PS - this one was for you Raphael!

My Celebration of Set Parade With Fenris Badwulf

Fenris called me a couple of days ago and invited me over to his place to watch the annual 'Celebration of Set The Snake God Parade' in his neighborhood. I've never been to a parade that celebrated Set before and happily agreed to attend. Fenris (that's him standing on the stairs) had me meet him at his house in Eastern Toronto. I thought I heard a neighbor scream 'for the love of God don't go in there', but decided it was the wind. Damn wind is always playing tricks on my mind. We headed inside for some breakfast.




It's rude not to eat food when it's offered but after my third bowl of Bean and Tuna Mush I just couldn't eat anymore. Fenris had Sonjia DeSade ensure I ate every last bite. The joke is on Fenris, when he wasn't looking I vomited my stomach contents into his heating ducts. Sonjia didn't seem to care and then proceed to force feed me with an implement she called a "mouth shovel". This would never happen at The Mayor's place. With a smiling Fenris and a weak stomach I headed of to the parade. Everybody loves a parade!










This parade is a parade of full inclusion and Fenris was sure to see that skip-rope jumping obese-clown-Canadians had a spot in his parade. I thought I heard Fenris say that 'the sales wolves are hungry', but in hindsight I'm sure he said "it's what Set would want".









This inviting young minx offered everyone at the parade a lick of her lollipop. Those who said no were brutally beaten and taken away by gentlemen wearing dark black uniforms and driving Volkswagen's.





This young girl, Gabrielle, is in her second year at the "Fenris Badulf School of Telemarketing Young Overachievers After School Program" funded 100% by the money you send Fenris. Gabrielle liked the Army Tanks the best. I was going to take a picture of them when something like a fist hit me in the back of the head. Must have been and excited parade watcher jumping up and down.





I'm not sure who this guy is but he answered to the name 'Logan'. Logan likes cats as they help him ignore the thoughts that haunt his dreams at night. Fenris told me to not make eye contact and keep walking. I learned the hard way once before to never disobey Fenris.











Fenris had his favourite minstrel lead the parade in the songs of his youth. No 'Smoke on the Water' here, the songs Harry played were the marching tunes usually reserved for the July 12th 'Battle of Boyne' parade. I doubt William of Orange could handle an instrument like this.







The parade drew to a close with young Emilye reminding everyone of the Valentine's Day Parade in a few short weeks.

Always remember: Set The Snake God loves you, Fenris loves you, The Mayor and Reg love you and Sonjia loves you too - for a small fee of course.






Send Fenris your money and Vote for Mitchieville as Canada's Best Humour Blog ! It's what Set wants.

The View From Reg's Window

I took these two pictures a few minutes ago from the kitchen of my rural Canadian chateau. By South-Central Ontario standards we have had a lot of snow this year - more snow this winter than all of last winter - and we still have two months to go. I get the feeling that Algore has been lying to me about this whole global warming thing.

Here are my prediction for 2008:

- this time a year from now the pop-culture fad of the global warming crisis will have passed us by and been replaced by something to do with avian flu carrying monkeys or some other feigned global crisis.

- Fenris will find true love and begin his new life in California as the sire to a yet-to-be-discovered pantiless Hollywood starlet (I could be wrong, predictions are more of a Sargon thing and the morning after headache I have clouds my sight).

- Enig-Mac will post three times in the same month, possibly March.



- Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama will be lead an armed assault on The White House after GWB declares martial law and names his brother Jeb 'Successor and Rightful Heir To The Throne of Americaland'. The assault fails.

- In a bold play for more web traffic The London Fog will rebrand itself as the The London Smog.

- Fred Thompson dies while shagging his teenage wife.

- The Vancouver Canucks will win Lord Stanley's Cup, The Miami Dolphins will go 16-0, and The Toronto Maple Laffs will increase tickets prices after a sub .500 season.

Now then, where is my Ginsu knife at?