As ratified by The Mitchieville Cabinet at the third session of the general cabinet meeting earlier this week, in honour of  the wedding of His Worship, Mitch, The Mayor of Mitchieville to The First Lady, The Little Danish Girl , the following resolutions are passed:

1. That this Saturday, June 14, 2008, be declared a statutory holiday in all of the sovereign dominions that this blog reaches.

2. At the hour of 9pm on the night of June 14, 2008 an alcohol toast (or two or three) shall be made by Mitchieville residents in honour of The Mayoral Couple.

3.  As Environment Canada has called for rain this Saturday, animal sacrifice offerings made in the name of Set, The Snake God, shall  be made at sunrise on the morning of the 14th by Darcey, Dmorris, Todd and Linds.

4.  Lord Fenris, in conjunction with the Minister of Finance will issue a rare Victory Latte this Sunday morning instead of the usual  watered down Victory Coffee.

5. Gifts are expected and can be forwarded to the Munitions Ministry where Reg will keep them safe from the hands of unscrupulous telemarketers until opened by The First Couple. (Fenris Badwulf abstained from this resolution)

6. Citizens of this hallowed and Nobel blog are advised that non-compliance of the above resolutions will be harshly punished.  The right to publish pithy and sarcastic comments at Mitchieville will be suspended until reviewed by the Punishment Review Board (Mayoral Protocol  Sub-Committee) monthly meeting at the Mitchieville Public Library. Those residents found guilty of non-compliance will only be allowed to watch Rosie O'Donnell Show reruns until appropriate reparations have been made to The First Couple.

 

Long Live Mayor Mitch and our First Lady TLDG!

 

Issued by Order of the Mitchieville Cabinet , 12 June 2008

Rosie O'Donnell Is A Smelly Drunk

Okay, I'm not sure if she smells, but I figure that's a pretty safe assumption. Rosie O'Donnell admitted on her website today that she's a filthy drunk but is trying hard to quit drinking:

The moon-faced comic made the confession on her blog after telling one fan she'd shed pounds by giving up beer. That prompted another fan to ask, "So, Rosie, alcoholic or not? Just spit it out! Don't go all Star Jones on us here. What led to you stopping the beer? You'll only help someone else." To which O'Donnell admitted: " 'Cause I was drinking too much, 'cause I didn't want to any more, 'cause it is hard to lose weight when drinking, 'cause I can never have only one."

It's not the sauce that's making Rosie gain weight, it's the gravy. I'm sure the booze has something to do with her weight, but I'm positive so does eating chocolate bacon and washing it down with a cheese burger and num num num, a dozen donuts.

I never knew Rosie was a bad drunk, I always thought she was just a shitty sober person. I always figured she was bitchy because TV execs wouldn't let her gnaw on a rack of lamb when she was on TV. I always thought she quit The Phew because she wasn't allowed to eat the guest stars. However, knowing she's a drop-down drunk puts everything into perspective. About what, I'm not sure, but one thing will always remain the same, she's a real douchebag.

Rosie Redeye

Friday Morning Female Flesh

Is it just me or is the month of January flying by faster than Rosie O'Donnel on her way to The Mayor's house for breakfast?

It's been a long week and I've got a few things on my mind so a bad Rosie joke is all you're going to get out of me today. I'm thinking about going with a contortionist theme next week. Be nice and I'll see that they are female and not male contortionists.



I call today's post "Two pictures, One girl" - pretty original, eh?

Vote for Mitchieville as Canada's Best Humour blog

Rosie And Oprah R Feuding

Turning down an invitation on Oprah to discuss her new book, Rosie O'Donnell had this to say on her blog:

the book
was hard 2 write

things i could barely say aloud
alone in a room
made their way to the comp
thru the key board
or tape recorder

writing is
4 me
by far
the most revealing medium
2 work in

i do not feel ready
to discuss or defend
the things i shared
on those 209 pages

read it urself
take away what u need
leave the rest
it is what it is

the goal always is peace
self revelation
sharing - learning - teaching
balance
wax on wax off

To this I respond:

Do every 1 a favour
and chop off
your head
islamo-style

how did some 1
so fucking untalented
ev r make it that big
is beyond me

ur book was hard
2 rite
becuz u can't rite
only rong
wax off, bitch

now u pissed off
oprah
that's worse than getting
the devil mad

she's going to eat u
yet you'll most likely
enjoy it
you sick fuck

Rosie O'Donnell--Storyteller (Pig)

Rosie, on her excellent website, describes a scene that happened the other day between herself, her lesbian lover, and some biker-type guy who screamed obsenities at them:

we had just finished eating
about to head home
2 2 many people
when

along
came a bald screaming infuriated man
it’s always a man
i tell ya

i stood next to his hog
when kel backed out
so as not to hit it
i ride

as i buckled my belt
he ran towards r car
angry
“MY MOTORCYCLE BLAH BLAH !!!”

“chill dude -
we didn’t touch it”
his eyes were wild
stretched open wide

he got madder
pupils big - snorting like a dragon
FUCKING LESBIANS
he screamed

the trump card
always

and we r supposed to cower
to fall 2 r knees ashamed
not good enough
unworthy

not tonight
mr bald muscle man
with a pimped out hog
not tonight

i stood up in the front seat
hands above my head
smiled and yelled
CORRECT SIR - FUCKING LESBIAN!!!

Wow, what an engaging and interesting fairy tail tale. It reminds me of an engaging and interesting fake story that happened to me yesterday. I was ordering a burger and fries, and the counter girl asked me if I would like pickles on my burger. I told her that no, I only want ketchup. She looked right in my eyes and said, "Okay, ketchup it is". True story, tell all your friends. Better yet, use the email function right next to the comment button and send it to Readers Digest, you may win $25 for the best story of the week.

Rosie, U R such a Li R

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#1 Rosie O'Donnell

I'm sure this is absolutely no surprise to anyone that has ever read more than a week of Mitchieville, the #1 Most Revolting Woman on the Planet is Rosie *I've never met a cheeseburger I didn't like* O'Donnell.

Rosie O'Donnell is proof that $9.99 for an all you can eat buffet isn't really a deal after all. This scowling, sneering reptile looks like something that Japanese fishermen pulled up from a lagoon. You're blocking my sun, reinforce the earth and sit the hell down.

Whether it's her love of conspiracy theories (but only those that involve the American Gov't perpetrating them), her Anti-American views, her hatred of America's military, or her love of anything that could possibly cause embarrassment to the US, the human roadblock they call Rosie is a big hit in lefty circles. Righties also want her to be a big hit, of course they want the hit to come from their fist to her forehead, or better yet, from their Hummer to her skull.

Rosie O'Donnell is the enemy. She's a dangerous person. In many ways she's worse than any foreign enemy the US has. She has her bully pulpit which she uses pretty much every day to pump up our enemies, put down our troops and gov't and spew rhetoric and hatred that only Al Qaeda could pray to get. Some of you think I may have gone too far when I say Rosie is an enemy. Really? Prove me wrong.

Rosie is a spoiled bitch that has too much money and too few functioning brain cells. Her ideas are misconceived and trivial, she relies on emotion and no facts. She speaks of things she knows nothing about, and her fans lap it up like the emotional retards they are. People should be ashamed for liking this human splotch. Rosie O'Donnell is a worthless, miserable blight on humanity. She is a bitter, trashy, unimportant piece of shit that the world would be better off without. She is a poster child for everything useless.

Rosie O'Donnell not only takes the cake, she also eats it. In two, possibly three bites. She is the Most Revolting Woman on The Planet, and I'm sure if there is life outside our world, she would win the Most Revolting Woman in Our Galaxy, also.

Rosie O'Donnell, what a piece of work.

Fire Melts Steel, Physics Beats Rosie O'Donnell

I'm late on this one, but there's an actual point to it:

(CBS News) SAN FRANCISCO A heavily traveled section of freeway that funnels traffic off the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge collapsed early Sunday after a gasoline tanker truck overturned and erupted into flames, authorities said.

The tanker carrying 8,600 gallons of gasoline ignited around 3:45 a.m. after crashing into a pylon on the interchange, which connects westbound lanes of Interstate 80 to southbound I-880,

Late Sunday morning, the charred section of collapsed freeway was draped at a sharp angle onto the highway beneath, exposing a web of twisted metal beneath the concrete.

When asked for comment, Rosie O'Donnell had this to say:

"I do believe that it was the first time in history that fire has ever melted steel," O'Donnell said when questioned on whether she thought the government was behind the collapse of WTC 7. "I do believe that it defies physics for the World Trade Center tower 7, which collapsed in on itself -- it is impossible for a building to fall the way it fell without explosives being involved. Miraculously, the first time in history steel was melted by fire," she said.

Oops, wrong interview.

But it's still amazing that this is only the SECOND time that fire has melted steel.

Thanks for the tip, Old Guy!

Everything's Coming Up Rosie On The View

If the rumours are correct, and let's face it, rumours are always correct, Rosanne Barr will be the next cackler on The View:

"She's a piece of work, she's a character, she says what's on her mind and she's funny," said a source with knowledge of ABC's sudden and desperate search to find a new co-host to replace O'Donnell who quit the show last week.

"They're missing strong personalities on that show, and that's what they're going to need if they want to keep it going," an ABC staffer close to the situation told the Post.

It's not so much that The View needs a strong character, or someone that's funny, they don't even need someone who says what's on their mind. After Starr Jones and Rosie O'Donnel, The View just needs someone to fill that enormous chair that those megasauras asses have been putting a hurt on for the last few years. Poor chair, what did it do to deserve its fate?

Barr none, The View is the worst

What Would Rosie Say? (WWRS)

As most of you are aware by now, I will not be coming back to The View next season. You will hear many stories why I will not be returning, but this has nothing to do with *The Donald* pushing me out, or my hatred for the United States, this doesn't even have anything to do with my lack of talent, this has to do with money, plain and simple.

You see, ABC initially offered me $5 million a season, I immediately turned it down. I told them I didn't want their money, what I wanted was for them to pay for all my breakfasts' at Dennys, my lunches at any fast-food restaurant of my choice and all my dinners.

ABC turned that down and offered me $10 million. I turned that down and insisted on my meal terms.

ABC upped their offer to $25 million, but I told those womyn haters that they either pay for all my meals or I'm gone.

I regret to tell you, my loving fans, that ABC said they couldn't afford that, so therefore I am forced to resign.

I no U R sad :(

I am 2 :(

It will B ok :)

We will make it 2gether :)

I luv U (If yer a womyn)

Rosie O

**Thank you, Mark, for correcting my spelling mistakes...it must have taken U all day!

What Would Rosie Say? (WWRS)

It has been well over a day now that a shooter went on a rampage at Virginia Tech, killing 32 innocent souls. The question that keeps coming to my mind is this: Who is responsible for this horrific tragedy?

There are many people to blame for this, starting with Conservative gun nuts. It's obvious that if psycho Conservatives didn't push their death agenda on the peaceful USA, we wouldn't have guns and this shooting never would have happened.

We can blame gun manufacturers. Without gun manufacturers we wouldn't have guns and this tragedy never would have happened.

We can blame school administrators for not locking down this tiny College of 24,000 students when the first shooting took place.

We can blame the teachers and professors. They knew from this young mans writings that he was unbalanced, but they never delivered him the help he so rightly deserved.

We can blame our psychiatric institutions. This young mans cries for help were never answered, they were ignored.

We can blame George Bush for not funding more social programs. If there were more basketball courts available, this young man might have thought of B-Ball instead of going on a killing spree.

We can blame society. Apparently, this young man was a loner. If someone, anyone, had reached out and told him he was loved, he would have never ever ever consider doing what he did.

We can blame video games. Brutal and violent images in video games light up TV screens all across America, turning good natured young men, like Joe, into nothing more than maniacal killers.

We can blame TV. Again, brutal and violent images on TV saturate the airwaves, desensitizing young men like Joe.

There is lots of blame to go around, but the only person that can't be blamed is "Joe" Cho Seung-Hui.

He is without blame.

What Would Rosie Say? (WWRS)

Recently, alot of bad people have said that I'm not a smart person, and when it comes to my theory on the World Trade Center buildings, I don't have a clue what I'm talking about. They are wrong. I am smart. And now I can actually prove my theory on two fronts that fire CANNOT melt steel. Take a minute and read my words.

It's a known fact that paper beats rock. It's also a known fact that rock beats scissors. It's scientifically proven that scissors beat paper. And everyone in the scientific world agrees that fire can't beat steel. Therefore, steel wins, which proves my theory. Google it.

If that isn't enough proof for the naysayers, I have more.

I did an experiment last night regarding how fire can't melt steel. I held a match under a piece of steel and it didn't melt it. It didn't even come close. Even my lover said, "Rosie, it's not melting it". I responded by saying, "Ya, I know". True story. You see, a lit match is fire, and steel is steel, and the fire match couldn't melt the steel, therefore, my theory is correct. Google it.

Another thing I found out is that when a match burns down right to the end, you can get a nasty burn on your fingers if you don't blow the match out, as I found out the hard way. Funny enough, I noticed that my burned fingers look an awful lot like spicy Italian sausages.

So, there you have it. Question everything.

u have 2 c

i know u can

Love,

Rosie :) xoxo

Rosie O'Donnell Hates America But Loves Its Enemies

Speaking on The View, Rosie O'Donnell expressed sympathy for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the supposed mastermind behind 9/11:

Today, O'Donnell said she feels bad for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (KSM). She doesn't believe he's responsible for anything in 9/11 or any of the 30-plus plots which he volunteered to American authorities. Among the worst of her comments, O'Donnell derided airhead pseudo-conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck (who is ZERO match for O'Donnell on the intellectual scale) for calling KSM a "terrorist," saying, "So, calling him a terrorist robs him of all of his humanity?"

The main export of The View must be precious stones, because here's another O'Donnell gem:

O'Donnell showed the well-known photo of a haggard KSG in a white undershirt (pic above) She remarked that he doesn't look very healthy after three years in captivity under U.S. authorities.

And based on that picture, Rosie is probably right, he doesn't look good in that picture. There's only one problem though: That picture is three years old and was taken in Pakistan when they caught this rat hiding from authorities.

So Rosie can relax, KSM has probably gotten his groove back in the comforts of Gitmo.

I've wasted too much time on these pages with the likes of Rosie O'Donnell over the years. My feelings on her is well documented, so I won't bother getting into a personal attack right now. Having said that, I do have a few things to say. What Rosie O'Donnell said is not patriotic or helpful, it's how the enemy would talk. I'm telling you straight out that Rosie O'Donnell hates America and wants it to fail. She goes on to say that America is well known for torturing people, blah blah woof woof. Imagine, America is in a war right this very second with men and women being killed every day, and this person has the gall to not only stick up for the enemy, but to blast her own country.

Why ABC still has this filth on the tube is beyond me. Not only should she be yanked off TV, she should be thrown into a jail cell, tried for aiding and abetting the enemy, and finally hung by her fat neck (If they can find a rope huge enough to support the piece of shit). It's disgraceful that ABC puts up with this kind of crap, all because of the mighty ratings, I suppose. I guess I won't be watching ABC any more, another TV station on my no-see list. Fine, I can live with that.

For those of you squealing *Go girl* and support Rosie and what she believes in, just think: If you had a son or daughter fighting in Iraq or Afghanistan, would you appreciate some Hollyweird star saying those kind of things? Do you think those kind of comments are helpful?

Rosie has feelings, but only for America's enemies

Rosie O'Donnel is Very Smart

I can't state this enough, Rosie O'Donnel is as smart is she is beautiful. And she is as beautiful as she is classy.

The most incredible thing about this video, in my mind, is that even though Rosie is calling for the impeachment of GWB during wartime (on what grounds I have no idea, you can't get impeached for being unpopular), even though she says that GWB wants to send 20,000 more American's over to Iraq to DIE (even though they are being sent to stabilize Baghdad), even though this kind of talk aids and comforts the enemy, an enemy that will be emboldened by this talk and kill more American's, the studio dullards still applauded her. Fantastic.

It really is amazing, Rosie and her posse of leftist filth are managing to do what Osama and the Islamofascists couldn't.

Rosie O'Donnell Apologizes For Racial Slur

On behalf of all the Asian people throughout the universe, we don't accept your apology. This would really have teeth if I were, in fact, Asian:

"This apparently was very offensive to a lot of Asian people. So I asked Judy, who's Asian and works here in our hair and makeup department. I said, 'Was it offensive to you?' And she said, 'Well, kinda. When I was a kid people did tease me by saying ching-chong.' So apparently 'ching-chong,' unbeknownst to me, is a very offensive way to make fun, quote-unquote, or mock, Asian accents. Some people have told me it's as bad as the n-word. I was like, really? I didn't know that … (I) never intended to hurt anyone, and I'm sorry for those people who felt hurt or were teased on the playground.”

Sure, how could she possibly know that *ching chong* could possibly be offensive to Asian people. Just like I didn't know that making a piggily wiggily squeely sound when a fat dyke like Rosie eats would be offensive to fat dykes. Crap, I didn't even know that the work dyke was offensive to dykes. Oh well, what do I know? Ching chong, so sorry, I'm outta here.

Rosie O'Donnell is NOT a Racist

I believe the reasoning goes something like this: Rosie O'Donnell can't be a racist because she's gay. It is a well known and documented fact that gay people, like Rosie, cannot be racist.

However, I wonder what Rosie's reaction would have been if a comedian made fun of a gay person in the same light as she's making fun of Chinese people in this clip? Right, we already know the answer to that, don't we?

Rosie O'Donnell and Kelly Ripa Make Nice

Rosie *3 Big Macs and 2 large fries* O'Donnell and Kelly Ripa have reconciled after Rosie got very upset at a comment Kelly made to Clay Aiken a few days ago on Live With Regis and Kelly:

Ripa called in to the ABC daytime talk show after co-host O'Donnell accused her of making a homophobic comment to Clay Aiken, a guest host on "Live With Regis and Kelly."

Aiken covered Ripa's mouth with his hand during an interview on Friday's show. Ripa, 36, pushed his hand away.

"Oh, I'm in trouble," said the 27-year-old "American Idol" star, to which Ripa responded, "No, I just don't I don't know where that hand's been, honey."

O'Donnell said Tuesday on "The View": "If that was a straight man, if that was a cute man, if that was a guy that she didn't question his sexuality, she would have said a different thing."

Ripa said Rosie misunderstood, that all she meant was that Clay was shaking hands with everyone in sight and since it is cold and flu season, she might come down with a cold. Or some shit like that.

Keep this in mind: Clay Aikens has never said that he is gay, it has only been implied. Rosie O'Donnell is assuming Kelly Ripa made a homonormative remark because Clay is gay. Rosie O'Donnell assumes Clay Aikens is gay and based her remarks on his alleged homosexuality. That is wrong, Rosie is a real bitch for doing that. Jumping to conclusions is a dangerous thing to do, careers can be ruined, PEOPLE can be ruined, all because she decided to take the high road, which at best is laughable considering who we're talking about here.

Rosie's remarks reek of hypocrisy. Rosie O'Donnell reeks of fish. She needs to apologize not only to Kelly Ripa for calling her a homophobe, which Rosie certainly did by saying Kelly wouldn't have said that comment to a cute, straight guy (which Clay just might be), but she needs to apologize to Clay Aikens for calling him a fag (which he may or may not be). Then Rosie O'Donnell needs to spontaneously combust so the world doesn't need to look at her disgusting, bigoted, hypocritical, twisted buttaface ever again.

Things are certainly not Rosie in Rosieland