Mitchieville 2008 Election - Reg's Hope For Change

After weighing the pro's and con's of the various contenders for the office  'Mayor of Mitchieville' I have hastily made my choice.  I, Reg Reginaldson, Minister of Munitions, Textiles As It Pertains To Munitions Production, and Mitchieville Keg Restaurant Franchise Holder, hereby endorse LISA FOGGY for Mayor of Mitchieville.

I'm sure long time readers of Mitchieville will be shocked by this endorsement. Lisa and I have been battling on this sacred and hallowed blog for nearly 2 years now. Despite her cruel comments a couple months back about the reason for my current lack of female company in my life, I have chosen to forgive.  Forgiving is what good people do. I have come to realize that a woman as skilled as Lisa can give a man like myself that one thing The Mayor and Fenris never could: cooking lessons. 

Indeed, Lisa knows that her place is in her kitchen.  Lisa is a woman who can cook, and that my friends is proof of her solid anti-feminist social conservative credentials.  I  made a point of vetting her various blogs for almost 3 minutes tonight and with that exhaustive research complete I feel I can say that I feel the same way that Lisa feels or claims to feel with regards to the important issues facing Mitchieville in the one or two posts I actually bothered to read.  These clear and well defined policies of Lisa Foggy bodes well for the future of Mitchieville.

My Pro-Lisa Choice decision is more than about than pure policy though. Lisa is the senior blogger at The London Fog, and as such Lisa has been in command of the Home Guard there for the past 2 years now!  Let us not forget that London shares a border with Mitchieville's mortal enemy - Fostertown - which of course means that Lisa is an expert dealing with defence issues.  What about foreign affairs you say?  Lisa is an expert at cooking African, Indian, Thai, Turkish, Greek, Mexican and Eastern European food.  With this kind of extensive international cooking experience Lisa shouldn't be running for mayor, she should be running for leader of the free world!

I've only met Lisa in person twice, but I have a gut instinct that LISA FOGGY is the right woman for the job.  Sure I actually chat with LINDS a couple times a week, and comment regularly at Ice Princess, but my gut says Lisa.  I should add that Lisa's husband, Mapmaster, a champion cartographer, is as handsome as he is handy.  And their pet cats, Cooter, Rosco, Enos, and Cletus, are well loved and I'm pretty sure all have either been spayed or neutered lest there be any kittens born during what would already be a stressful campaign.  I feel I can say with 1000% confidence that Lisa Foggy is the best choice for Mayor of Mitchieville.

Know that Service Hopes First for Change, VOTE LISA FOGGY on October 14!

Overthrow the Mayor!

The election laws in Mitchieville are clear and direct. Whenever there is a provincial or federal election, there is an election in Mitchieville. Now that Harper has thrown down the federal gauntlet, the same happens here!

Are you not tired of the same old same old rule of Mayor Mitch and his gang of cronies? He only won by one vote last time. He is tired. He is distracted by romance. He has no hair. Who needs reasons when there are emotionally charged innuendo?

Whose hands would you have searching your pockets? The answer is Fenris Badwulf.

Whose cronies would you have replace the current lot? The answer is Fenris Badwulf.

Whose ink do you want on the cheques written by a strong central authority? The answer is Fenris Badwulf.

Who would lead a better collectivist organization? The answer is Fenris Badwulf.

Endorsements for Fenris Badwulf: 'There can only be one head for the octopus, although it has eight arms' Emperor Shang, industrialist and inventor of the Remote Control Punishment Taser.


Secret Societies for Fenris Badwulf: In addition to our good works in expediting human organ transplants, The Brotherhood of the Steel Rat supports Brother Fenris Badwulf for Mayor of Mitchieville. Hurrah!


Working man on the street supports Fenris Badwulf: I have never worked for Fenris as a telemarketer. He is my personal choice and would make the best Mayor. Overthrow Mayor Mitch, who has no hair!


The campaign has begun. What has Mayor Mitch done lately? Is he asleep at the wheel? Are You, the People of Mitchieville being looked after?


I, Fenris Badwulf, candidate for Mayor of Mitchieville, wrote this

Dalai Lama Endorses Mitch For Mayor

In the subtle world of internationally diplomacy the Dalai Lama, Nobel Laureate and revered spiritual leader, has spoke out in strong support of Mitchieville's ex-mayor, our beloved Mitch. Noting the motto for Mitchieville is "Think Globally, Act Locally, and Demand Handouts", the Dalai Lama encouraged Canadians to 'think globally' within hours of arriving in Ottawa yesterday. International diplomats are stunned by this unprecedented foray into Canadian municipal politics by a world leader.

Representatives from the Lisa Campaign were unavailable for comment, though off the record a buff and chiseled black gentleman who went by the name 'XX' conceded that Lisa's short tenure as mayor had been an "abject failure that has earned the scorn of the international community". As of 5pm this evening reporters from Dublin, Ireland confirmed that U2's planned 'Concert Against Lisa' was still in the works, but may be shelved if Lisa was to endorse Mitch. Bono was quotted as saying "Lisa's reign of tyranny and hopeless oppression must end so that I can plan another useless concert for some other lost cause somewhere else in the world", he then added, "I think if U2 was to have an anti-oil sands concert in Fort McMurray this January we could get 250,000 people to attend". Bono then broke down and cried.

Today is a good day for the oppressed

Fenris' Zombies failed to take control of Mitchieville City Hall this evening thanks to the quick response of the Mitchieville Fire Department and YY's crew. Live footage here:

Meet the new boss...

The people have spoken and Fenris Badwulf is now the new Mayor of Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville). Realizing way too late that I was backing the wrong horse I will now do what public servants do best - kiss ass.

Fenris Badwulf is a man of the people. His prune mush has nourished the less fortunate souls of Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville). His devotion to Set, The Snake God, has provided a spiritual example for us all. He provides shelter and canned salmon to our homeless raccoon Canadians. Fenris cares. Most importantly of all:

Fenris Badwulf is mighty!

This post is offered as my tribute to the greatness that is Fenris Badwulf. All hail Fenrisville!

An important news bulletin from Mitchieville Local News

Martial law has been declared on the streets of Mitchieville tonight by Mayor Lisa after she learned that the minions entrusted with the recount were not only drunk but related to and/or employed by Fenris Badwulf. These conditions nullify the agreement to abide by the recount. Until the next recount, Lisa has announced she will remain the first popularly elected Mayor in Mitchieville's history. City hall is presently surrounded by SUVs and fire hoses and friends of YY have just entered the building to escort Mitch and Fenris out.

We now join Lisa for a live proclamation of her power over the people:

Dearest Mitchievillians. Since my election to the honoured post of Mayor of Mitchieville, I have been working tirelessly to sort out the mess that Mitch has left behind him for you, the taxpayer. Now that I have access to confidential budget and expense files that the former mayor did not have time to destroy before my people took control of City Hall, I'm uncovering the specifics of Mitch's shocking abuse of your money.

The important business of managing your involuntary contributions was interrupted this evening by a corrupt recount of your voluntary votes. In order to set the natural course of events in order, I deem it necessary to impose martial law on the collective until such time as an agreeable consensus can be reached.

Thanks and you're welcome

I emerge from my underground chambers with a strong army of justified rebels following behind. There can be only one Mayor of Mitchieville - not three all at the same time. The people have spoken and they, together with the them, and the we, will fight against Family Day because it discriminates against the individual proletariat.

I promise you that a recount of last week's victory ballots reaffirms the values of our democratic system of systematic manoeuvering.

Lisa Counts. Do you have enough fingers and toes to keep up to the algorithm?

All By Myself...

I'm so hurt and lost now that Mitch is no longer Mayor of Mitchieville. I've wanted to tell him how much he means to me, this song pretty well sums up how I feel. I love you Mitch. You will always be my Mayor.



Posted by mayorluver69 for Mitch cause he's dreamy

Congratulations to Me, Fenris Badwulf!

Yes, as you have diversely both dreaded and slavered for, Fenris Badwulf is now Mayor of Mitchieville. This is Good News!


If you are reading this, you have not been arrested. This is good! You are not considered enough of a threat to The Fenrisite Collective (typified by the silver wolf upon a black diamond slab ring wore by cadre) to have been taken away to be recycled. You have been sorted, and found suitable for your present station.

Get up and go to work tomorrow! is this weeks workers happy slogan. Say it to yourself when you get up early in the morning to do volunteer work at the immigrants work pit. Happy workers! Dance a jig as you rush to work!

Be happy at the fate of The Divine Mayor, Mitch the Mayor. Yes, he resides at the Elysium Spa and Motel. He returns to you, improved with the latest medical secrets from a crashed UFO. Do not underestimate his new powers, foolish mortals.

Lisa soon came to be known as 'Ma Barker' amongst the staff here at Secret Supreme Headquarters. She is a master of inciting street violence using a text messanger. The Markham massacre was her work.

Impress me with your eagerness to make your quota early. There are rewards for those who go to work sick. Go and barf on your oppressors. Onward, happy workers, to your rowing bench, to work for the good of the collective.

Stalinism is the rule of the Steel Plant Factory Union Boss. Otherwise, Communism is rule by the Post Office Administration Apparatus. You may be relieved to know that your new existance is under my vision of rule by a Telemarketing Manager.

Pushtwo Quickie, wrote this down while fearing the flashing gilded, steel boot of Fenris Badwulf, Mayor of Mitchieville.

Before my posting privlages are revoked....

The YouTube post below has become the Chocolate Rain of October. Posted only a few days ago the clip has already had 475 000+ hits. In this clip we see a hot little Norwegian number try the "Ali G" thing on New York City Councillor James Oddo till the good councillor catches on. Consider this your F-bomb warning.



This clip could also be an example of how recklessly women use power. Women lying to get what they want would never happen in Mitchieville though. Or would it?

The Glorious Smell of Victory

Dearest Mitchievillians, excluding those that voted for the Mayor and / or Fenris, this is the finest night of my entire life. Sargon The Magnificent predicted my victory way back in 1907 and so it has come to pass. The people have spoken and one favored citizen has determined the balance of power for the next four years. So what if that favored citizen was wearing a few different shades of burkhas?

I don't want to sound like a Grammy recipient, but I owe thanks to my loyal supporters. I'd like to thank my campaign manager for his unwavering support and steady supply of manflesh. Your steak order is in the mail. Without YY, I would have been feasting on prune mush and he is thus rewarded for his services with a special election night feast. Dmorris has already received a fancy new truck, but I have him in mind for a cabinet position. Alice is currently the Minister of Religious Affairs, and soon to be promoted to Minister of Food. Some changes are coming. I will emerge from the underground early next week to take charge. In the meantime, I accept cash, Mastercard, Visa, Paypal and Canadian Tire Money.

Thank you and remember your donations to *BITCH* are tax deductible.

I love you!

Your worship,
Lisa, Mayor Of Mitchieville

Election Mitchieville 2007 — Update

In a surprise move that can only be interpreted as a sign of confidence, results of the Mitchieville election were released from somebody's pants pockets in the Mayor's Office one hour before the polls are even closed at 7pm! Typography analysis by the independent Ministry of Munitions confirms that the results could not possibly have been counterfeited.


In other completely reliable news, Dan Rather has declared that the State of Florida has gone to Mitch.

Piece of Manflesh or Piece of Communist Trash?

The 40th anniversary of Che Guevara's demise raises many questions. Is aged and wrinkly manflesh preferable to wrinkle-free assassination status? A picture is worth a 1000 words, and I pray that you will judge accordingly.

Vote for Lisa on October 10th. Your life depends on it.

Election Day Preperations

With the election only hours away as The Minister of Munitions for Mitchieville I have taken a certain number of precautions for ensuring the safety of all of our citizen-voters.

It was barely a year ago when Mitchieville was attacked by the evil doers of East Gwillimbury and Fostertown during an election. The Mayor has taken steps to ensure that won't happen this year. A few months back His Worship said to me "Reg, to protect us from attack in the future Mitchieville needs short-range tactical nukes. Get a case of Cherry-Coke for the manor while you're at it!" As you can see to the right, my lovely (and female) assistant Jezzika has deployed our tac nukes and has taken it upon herself to guard them. Getting results, that's what we do here at the Munitions Ministry.


The pro-Lisa riots of '06 left wide-spread damage across Mitchieville. I have deployed Riot Police in front of the 'Column of Victory and Gloating' celebrating our victory over East-Gwillimbury and Fostertown. Lisa and her anarchists don't stand a chance this year. Speaking of Lisa....




This is what Lisa will take away from you should she become Mayor. We can't let this happen. Certainly not after I have spent millions of MoM dollars getting my chain of Keg Steakhouse restaurants built. It really is simple - do you want the taste of hot meat in your mouth or not? I say yes we do!





Poor little kitty cat. This is what happens when kitty cats drink goats milk from Lisa's Kitchen. This is why The Mayor had to close her down. If a cat can't eat it, then people shouldn't be eating it either.







At one time all of Mitchieville would shudder at the sound of Fenris Badwulf's jack-booted supporters marching through the street. This photo of his last four remaining supporters was taken at the pro-Fenris rally on Monday. Had he loyally supported The Mayor this wouldn't have happened, but not all is lost for Fenris. The Mayor is a kind and benevolent Mayor. Make reparations, Fenris Badwulf, all will be forgiven and Mitchieville will once again hear the footsteps of your legions of supporters!


Re-Elect Mitch as Mayor of Mitchieville!

The Mayor's Re-Election Platform Promise #7

The election for Mayor of Mitchieville is tomorrow, October 10. Do you know who you're voting for yet?

The polls show a dead-heat. Lisa is leading slightly with 34% of the vote, Fenris has 33% and I'm trailing with 31%. There are still some undecided voters out there, and it looks as if every vote is going to count.

I have outlined a pretty outstanding platform so far, I'm proud of what I have accomplished and I know I can do more with your help.

I want to make another promise if I'm re-elected Mayor of Mitchieville, something that I'm sure every Mitchievillian will be proud to support. If re-elected Mayor, I promise to open a $132 million Center for Peace and Understanding.

I will call this center the Freedom and Understanding Center Of Friendship & Fraternity (FUC OFF).

This way, when someone says to me, what have you done to promote peace, I'll just tell them, "FUC OFF". When someone says to me, what have you done to make this world a better place, I'll tell them, "FUC OFF". And when people ask me how I celebrate diversity, I'll tell them in no uncertain terms, "FUC OFF".

What do I say to all the haters, all the complainers and all the negative nellies? FUC OFF. What do I say to all the bigots, all the racists and all the propagators of hate? FUC OFF!

What do I say to Lisa and Fenris when they try to oppose this great idea. FUC OFF!

We will yell it from the mountaintops, we will scream it in the street, we will holler it until we are hoarse: FUC OFF! FUC OFF! FUC OFF!

Everybody: FUC OFF! FUC OFF! FUC OFF!

Vote Mitch for Mayor on October 10 and FUC OFF

Mayor's office scrambles to control damage

Mayor nowhere to be found!

Geraldo Rivera here with yet another leaked memo from the Mayor's office during the election campaign. I don't know how I keep finding these things, but Fenris Badwulf definitely doesn't have anything to do with it! Nosirree, Fenris Badwulf does not do anything underhanded like stealing the Mayor's private correspondence and leaking it to me, Geraldo Rivera. To be perfectly clear, Fenris Badwulf doesn't do anything like that. Who said that Fenris Badwulf would ever do such a terrible thing? They are terrible people who say things like that. Maybe it was the Mayor saying such awful things…

A gift to your Mayor

In another one of their customary displays of loyalty and gratitude, citizens of Mitchieville were surprised to find out today that they'd contributed $132-million of their taxes to a new official portrait of their Mayor, replacing last week's portrait, and only one week before the Mitchieville election.


Onlookers, marching past the portrait hung in Mayor Square during their mandatory morning exercises as the Mayor watched above in the Township Hall balcony, remarked that it was a remarkable likeness. Copies of the portrait, costing $86-million, are to be hung in every room of every residence and public building by tomorrow, and especially in election polling stations to remind citizens of the personal accomplishments of their benevolent Mayor in every endeavour known to mankind. Blind Mitchieville voters will be personally assisted on the ballot by the Mayor's charitable brownshirt organization. Citizens will, of course, be cheerfully sporting the buttons showing the portrait that they were also surprised to have donated to themselves at a cost of $47-million.

Just this year, the Mayor invented electricity and the internal combustion engine, bringing joy and light to a full two percent of the population, while bright rust-red Yugos make an increasingly occasional appearance on Mitchieville's ox-cart tracks. In medicine, the Mayor advised surgeons to begin applying leaches to patients, saving the lives of billions of people worldwide, while in agriculture the Mayor's tireless devotion to research has increased barley yields in the township's fields to 9 ounces per acre! Fortunately for Mitchieville, doctors have estimated that the Mayor will live to be at least 141 years-old, thanks to his formidable constitution and generous outlook on his citizens' lives.

I, Connie Chung filling in for Dan Rather who is hiding in the basement of the Mitchieville Public Library, wrote this highly factual and objective article. Vote Mayor!

(With apologies to Martin Honeysett.)

The Mayor's Re-Election Platform Promise #5

TLDG and I were strolling through one of the many parks in Mitchieville last night when we happened upon something that made me sick to my stomach. Mitchieville is a society based on the rule of law, scofflaws are not welcome in our pristine ville, they are cast out like the dirty devils that they are. That's why it made me so sick when I saw some writing on a park bench. That's right, I saw graffiti.

This isn't Detroit, this isn't some lawless shithole that punks can feel free to go around vandalizing property in. I was floored, I was gobsmacked, I was shaking with anger.

When we first walked by the bench in question, I didn't actually see any writing on the bench, but for some strange reason, after we passed the bench, I looked back and saw the words, *Lori is a bitch*, carved into the bench with what I suppose would have been a penknife, or some other sharp vandalizing tool of hatred. I stopped dead in my tracks, I couldn't believe my eyes. I re-focused and looked again, it was worse than I thought, it actually said, *Lori is a stupid bitch*. My heart nearly stopped, the words cut me like a vandalizing tool of hatred. Unable to stand properly, TLDG grabbed my arm and held me up. Just to make sure I was reading it properly, my eyes looked again, and sure enough I hadn't read it right after all. It actually read, "I hate Lori, she is a stupid, rotten bitch that looks like dog shit*.

I was beside myself now, I completely saw red. How could someone be so cruel. Sure, I know a few Lori's, and every one of them are no good, useless douchebags, but that's no reason to scrape it into a park bench. Maybe I had some sun in my eyes, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. I decided to look again--*Lori not only smells like fish, she is a stupid bitch that I should pile drive into a mound of glass shards".

I looked again, *Lori, if you are reading this, I want you to know that you are nothing more than a steaming pile of rat ass and I hate your guts you two-timing goat-humping wildabeast".

Wow.

That's why I propose, today, new automatic sentencing for vandalizers. A first time vandalizer in Mitchieville will be subject to a minimum fine of $5000.00, 120 days in jail with no chance of parole and three fingers chopped off from each hand.

A second time offender will be hanged.

Vote for justice, vote for law of order. Vote The Mayor on October 10, 2007--Let's put our misery out of its misery!

The Blasphemy of Lisa Foggy

As a good Citizen-Minister of Mitchieville, I take the time to read each and every post posted here. Imagine then my shock then tonight when the sacred pages of this blog, the blog that laughter built, were sullied by the image of womyn’s breasts at this post by Lisa Foggy.

Horrified by the sight of bare breasts on Mitchieville I read the accompanying article to see that an “artist friend” (read smut peddler) of hers had defamed one of Christianity’s most sacred paintings – The Last Supper (see related posts here, here, here and here.).

This is a shocking outrage. Not only is this an unconscionable defamation a historic piece of art, Lisa seeks to profit from it. The evidence is in, reparations are demanded, tithes must be paid - Lisa Foggy must withdraw her candidacy for Mayor of Mitchieville. Citizen-voters of Mitchieville are invited to attend an anti-Lisa rally tonight at 9:00 PM in front of the Mitchieville Public Library. Stop the outrage that is Lisa Foggy!

Vote Mitch, not *BITCH* on October 10!

Snapshot of Mitchieville's Administration

Good evening, this is Dan Rather reporting for the Mitchieville Evening News until I get my $70 million self-respect back. Tonight, shocking details of Mitchieville's fiscal crisis under the Mayor's administration as the township staggers under a $184 trillion debt:



Although the Mayor was found unavailable for comment lying face-down in a pool of Hennessey's X.O., his office released a note saying they expected the crisis to be resolved as soon as Stephane Dion was elected Prime Minister since "he owes the Mayor big-time for supplying the girls and drugs at the last Liberal convention."