Mitchieville 2008 Election - Reg's Hope For Change

After weighing the pro's and con's of the various contenders for the office  'Mayor of Mitchieville' I have hastily made my choice.  I, Reg Reginaldson, Minister of Munitions, Textiles As It Pertains To Munitions Production, and Mitchieville Keg Restaurant Franchise Holder, hereby endorse LISA FOGGY for Mayor of Mitchieville.

I'm sure long time readers of Mitchieville will be shocked by this endorsement. Lisa and I have been battling on this sacred and hallowed blog for nearly 2 years now. Despite her cruel comments a couple months back about the reason for my current lack of female company in my life, I have chosen to forgive.  Forgiving is what good people do. I have come to realize that a woman as skilled as Lisa can give a man like myself that one thing The Mayor and Fenris never could: cooking lessons. 

Indeed, Lisa knows that her place is in her kitchen.  Lisa is a woman who can cook, and that my friends is proof of her solid anti-feminist social conservative credentials.  I  made a point of vetting her various blogs for almost 3 minutes tonight and with that exhaustive research complete I feel I can say that I feel the same way that Lisa feels or claims to feel with regards to the important issues facing Mitchieville in the one or two posts I actually bothered to read.  These clear and well defined policies of Lisa Foggy bodes well for the future of Mitchieville.

My Pro-Lisa Choice decision is more than about than pure policy though. Lisa is the senior blogger at The London Fog, and as such Lisa has been in command of the Home Guard there for the past 2 years now!  Let us not forget that London shares a border with Mitchieville's mortal enemy - Fostertown - which of course means that Lisa is an expert dealing with defence issues.  What about foreign affairs you say?  Lisa is an expert at cooking African, Indian, Thai, Turkish, Greek, Mexican and Eastern European food.  With this kind of extensive international cooking experience Lisa shouldn't be running for mayor, she should be running for leader of the free world!

I've only met Lisa in person twice, but I have a gut instinct that LISA FOGGY is the right woman for the job.  Sure I actually chat with LINDS a couple times a week, and comment regularly at Ice Princess, but my gut says Lisa.  I should add that Lisa's husband, Mapmaster, a champion cartographer, is as handsome as he is handy.  And their pet cats, Cooter, Rosco, Enos, and Cletus, are well loved and I'm pretty sure all have either been spayed or neutered lest there be any kittens born during what would already be a stressful campaign.  I feel I can say with 1000% confidence that Lisa Foggy is the best choice for Mayor of Mitchieville.

Know that Service Hopes First for Change, VOTE LISA FOGGY on October 14!

My Celebration of Set Parade With Fenris Badwulf

Fenris called me a couple of days ago and invited me over to his place to watch the annual 'Celebration of Set The Snake God Parade' in his neighborhood. I've never been to a parade that celebrated Set before and happily agreed to attend. Fenris (that's him standing on the stairs) had me meet him at his house in Eastern Toronto. I thought I heard a neighbor scream 'for the love of God don't go in there', but decided it was the wind. Damn wind is always playing tricks on my mind. We headed inside for some breakfast.




It's rude not to eat food when it's offered but after my third bowl of Bean and Tuna Mush I just couldn't eat anymore. Fenris had Sonjia DeSade ensure I ate every last bite. The joke is on Fenris, when he wasn't looking I vomited my stomach contents into his heating ducts. Sonjia didn't seem to care and then proceed to force feed me with an implement she called a "mouth shovel". This would never happen at The Mayor's place. With a smiling Fenris and a weak stomach I headed of to the parade. Everybody loves a parade!










This parade is a parade of full inclusion and Fenris was sure to see that skip-rope jumping obese-clown-Canadians had a spot in his parade. I thought I heard Fenris say that 'the sales wolves are hungry', but in hindsight I'm sure he said "it's what Set would want".









This inviting young minx offered everyone at the parade a lick of her lollipop. Those who said no were brutally beaten and taken away by gentlemen wearing dark black uniforms and driving Volkswagen's.





This young girl, Gabrielle, is in her second year at the "Fenris Badulf School of Telemarketing Young Overachievers After School Program" funded 100% by the money you send Fenris. Gabrielle liked the Army Tanks the best. I was going to take a picture of them when something like a fist hit me in the back of the head. Must have been and excited parade watcher jumping up and down.





I'm not sure who this guy is but he answered to the name 'Logan'. Logan likes cats as they help him ignore the thoughts that haunt his dreams at night. Fenris told me to not make eye contact and keep walking. I learned the hard way once before to never disobey Fenris.











Fenris had his favourite minstrel lead the parade in the songs of his youth. No 'Smoke on the Water' here, the songs Harry played were the marching tunes usually reserved for the July 12th 'Battle of Boyne' parade. I doubt William of Orange could handle an instrument like this.







The parade drew to a close with young Emilye reminding everyone of the Valentine's Day Parade in a few short weeks.

Always remember: Set The Snake God loves you, Fenris loves you, The Mayor and Reg love you and Sonjia loves you too - for a small fee of course.






Send Fenris your money and Vote for Mitchieville as Canada's Best Humour Blog ! It's what Set wants.

An open letter to Algore - A Rant by Reg

Dear Algore,

Today is July 20. Today I had a trip planned to take my kids to see the Peterborough Petroglyphs. We were to drive the hour or so in my fuel efficient car. We would have visited the interpretive centre so that my children could see with their own eyes the hundreds of years old Native North American rock carvings. We were then going to take an 8km hike and picnic beside a beautiful waterfall. After the hike we were going to meet friends at a local lake for a cool down swim. Fenris would have approved of this traditional Vimy-Ridge-Canadian family oriented trip. We didn't go for our trip, Algore, because it was too fucking cold outside. Today is July 20.

If global warming is causing the earth to heat up so, then why is it that the kids and I haven't been to the local swimming hole since school let out in June as it has been to cold to swim? My parents haven't had the central air on in a month. It has been too cold to run the central air. At 3:00pm this afternoon my kids were playing at the park across the road. They were wearing jackets. It was too cold to wear short sleeve shirts. Today is July 20.

Yours,

Reg

The Invisible Knapsack, part 2

Yes, there is a countably infinite number of invisible white privilege consumer goods in addition to the knapsack, radio, toilet seat warmer, and ball point pen. It is a universal truth that all tangible aspects of white advantage can be explained by the existence of invisible consumer goods. Given that there are at least 26 manifestations counted by this particular activist (link here) there must be a correspondingly large number of white privilege items, knick-knacks, curios, and coffee table books.

The Invisible Cell Phone of Male White Liberal (Party of Canada) Privilege. In a political party devoted to the abolition of ability based hiring and promotions, it is shocking to see that the ratio of men to women MP's is not reflective of our village peoples as a whole. This is easily explained by refering to the Invisible White Privilege Shopping Catalog which lists the party and gender specific (gasp!) cell phone available to the select few of the Liberal party. This phone features unlimited minuites, complete planetary coverage on the planets surface, and a limited time-travel capability to allow Liberal MP's to duck Main Stream Media groupies looking for press releases to plagarize under their own name. The phone is powered by a Tesla inductor which draws power from the magnetic field of the human heart.

The Invisible Latex Body Condom of White Gay Privilege. Activists have long wondered why white homosexuals suffer a lesser rate of sexually transmitted diseases. Unacceptable explainations such as greater intellegence, superior wit, and better fashion sense have been discarded as non-fake but accurate. The simple new left logic explaination (confirmed by the Invisible White Privilege Shopping Catalog) is that white homosexuals have access to this spectacular space age polymer body suit, available in a variety of invisible designer pastels to complement any look or athletic sexual activity. The body condom allows the white user full movement in any pleasure seeking activity, while protecting them from all known sexually transmitted diseases. Full tactile sensations are preserved. The latest version (called Nob Goblin on page 466 of the catalog) also allows full ingestion of bodily fluids of most carbon based life forms, regardless of port of entry.

The Invisible Hockey Stick of White Hockey Player Privilege. Until recently, hockey has been a bastion of white privilege, with few politically correct reasons why village peoples from the Sub-Sahara have developed adequate hockey skills. The mystery is explained by the existance of these invisible hockey sticks, sold exclusively to white players usually at the same time they strap on their first pair of skates. These simple wooden sticks (made from murdered tree limbs and varnished with seal oil) allow white hockey players to outperform all the competition in stick handling, passing, slashing, scoring, and referee spearing. Available in a number of sizes to match growing hands, the standard invisible hockey stick does not guarantee success against The Invisible Goalie Stick of White Goalie Privilege, let alone The Invisible Skates of White Professional Hockey Player Privilege.

The Invisible Dome Light of White Driver Privilege. Profiling of our most vulnerable village peoples by police is turning our global village into a place where poetry is not allowed. Until now, there have been no acceptable explainations that could be used to elicit funding to fund activist needs (link). The most scientific explaination, acceptable to a consensus of global warming scientists, is the existance of The Invisible Dome Light of White Driver Privilege. This dome light gives off a powerful invisible beacon that alerts police that the car in question is not to be profiled. The beacon lets police know to ignore swerving vehicles, firearm brandishing rowdies, eye watering dope pong, sloshing open jugs of whiskey, bound and gagged sex slaves, and rotting murder victims in the back seat. The dome light allows the white driver to speed, park illegally, make U-turns, pass on the soft shoulder, and cut in line at the drive through at Tim Hortons.

Personally, I am shocked at the extent of invisible white privilege consumer goods. To do my bit to destroy western civilization I am going to make available to you The Invisible White Privilege Shopping Catalog regardless of who you are. At only 29.95, this invisible catalog makes excellent conversation at any Stalinist get together. And for every catalog sold, I will donate a dollar to the Fenris Badwulf Jane-Finch Famine Relief Fund, which provides nutritious vegetarian bran mush and high cellulose food pulp to our most vulnerable illegal immigrants and escaped felons. So get out your credit cards and get yourself one of these fine invisible catalogs! Who knows, you may take a fancy to one of the invisible items to make yourself fulfiled as only white people have been able to do, thanks to invisible white privilege consumer goods.


I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

crossposted at Dust My Broom, fo'shizzle dizzle.

The Invisible Knapsack

Activists from every village across the Global Village of the Village Peoples are working hard to overthrow the corrosive effects of The Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege. The struggle has been long and hard. The bloodiest war in American history was the conflict between the states (1861-1865), when the evil Republicans sought to impose Earth-Rapist industrialization upon the Earth-Friendly Democrats. Unfortunately, the Democrats lost that war, and we can only reflect sadly upon the progressive vision of Jefferson Davis. African-Caribbean-American rights took a back seat during subsequent Republican administrations as is well documented in song and dance. Activists have long suspected the existance of invisible objects. Now, I will tell you about more of them.

The Invisible Radio of White Schizophrenic Privilege. White schizophrenics have access to an invisible radio, capable of receiving AM or FM wave bands. It can use normal house current, and has an adapter for travel to Europe. Newer models have a built in rechargable battery which uses cadmium, a dangerous pollutant. Older models are not equipped with a ground plug, and could present a fire or electrocution hazard. The Invisible Radio of White Paranoid Schizophrenic Privilege is equipped with a shortwave transmitter/receiver, capable of communicating with orbiting space ships. All invisible radios are equipped with a wake up alarm and snooze function.

The Invisible Toilet Seat Warmer of White Female Privilege. White women always have access to a comfy body temperature toilet seat, which is why white women like to sit down to urinate. White women strongly oppose the Toilet Training is Racism movement ... and now you know why. Older models are made from maple or walnut, newer models from ceramic based on designs from crashed UFO's. Power is supplied from a Tesla Inductor which traps energy from the earth's magnetic field.

The Invisible Ball-Point Pen of White High School Student Privilege. Activists have long wondered why white students score better grades on intellegence tests and fare better in academia. Well, it is simple: all white high school students have an invisible ball point pen that does homework, assignments, and library research for them while they goof off smoking crack or prostituting their sisters. The original model of the invisible pen used ink cartridges, whereas later models used ball point pen technology. These invisible pens are capable of recording lectures, transcribing math formulae, and sketching art works through using a built in transponder which can access The Orbiting Database of White Privilege. Each pen is good for a twenty point advantage in law school admissions.

Activists should be constantly aware of the existance of a whole hardware store of invisible objects of white privilege. Although you cannot see them, hear them, touch them, or detect them with any of your senses, they are, none the less, there. Do not let a lack of facts stand in your way to getting the handouts you need to finance your jihad to bring mother earth back to the happy paradise before the white man ruined things with running water technology, pesticides, fertilizers, and anti-biotics.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

cross posted at Dust My Broom, which is associated with the United Federation of Planets