The Mayor's Re-Election Platform Promise #5

TLDG and I were strolling through one of the many parks in Mitchieville last night when we happened upon something that made me sick to my stomach. Mitchieville is a society based on the rule of law, scofflaws are not welcome in our pristine ville, they are cast out like the dirty devils that they are. That's why it made me so sick when I saw some writing on a park bench. That's right, I saw graffiti.

This isn't Detroit, this isn't some lawless shithole that punks can feel free to go around vandalizing property in. I was floored, I was gobsmacked, I was shaking with anger.

When we first walked by the bench in question, I didn't actually see any writing on the bench, but for some strange reason, after we passed the bench, I looked back and saw the words, *Lori is a bitch*, carved into the bench with what I suppose would have been a penknife, or some other sharp vandalizing tool of hatred. I stopped dead in my tracks, I couldn't believe my eyes. I re-focused and looked again, it was worse than I thought, it actually said, *Lori is a stupid bitch*. My heart nearly stopped, the words cut me like a vandalizing tool of hatred. Unable to stand properly, TLDG grabbed my arm and held me up. Just to make sure I was reading it properly, my eyes looked again, and sure enough I hadn't read it right after all. It actually read, "I hate Lori, she is a stupid, rotten bitch that looks like dog shit*.

I was beside myself now, I completely saw red. How could someone be so cruel. Sure, I know a few Lori's, and every one of them are no good, useless douchebags, but that's no reason to scrape it into a park bench. Maybe I had some sun in my eyes, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. I decided to look again--*Lori not only smells like fish, she is a stupid bitch that I should pile drive into a mound of glass shards".

I looked again, *Lori, if you are reading this, I want you to know that you are nothing more than a steaming pile of rat ass and I hate your guts you two-timing goat-humping wildabeast".

Wow.

That's why I propose, today, new automatic sentencing for vandalizers. A first time vandalizer in Mitchieville will be subject to a minimum fine of $5000.00, 120 days in jail with no chance of parole and three fingers chopped off from each hand.

A second time offender will be hanged.

Vote for justice, vote for law of order. Vote The Mayor on October 10, 2007--Let's put our misery out of its misery!