Terrorists Want To Cut Off Britney Spears Head

Spokesman and senior leader of the Popular Resistance Committees terror organization wants to cut the head off of Britney Spears:

"If I meet these whores I will have the honor – I repeat, I will have the honor – to be the first one to cut the heads off Madonna and Britney Spears if they will keep spreading their satanic culture against Islam," said Muhammad Abdel-Al.

First Keven Federline took her heart. Then childbirth took her body. The VMA's followed suit by taking her soul. God jumped in and took her brain. Now the terrorists want to take off her head. What is this, a hillbilly garage sale?

I have one question regarding all of this: If the terrorists succeed and lop off Britney's head, will anyone notice? Will Britney even notice?

Britney Spears forgets the lyrics

HT: Darcey. A video of Britney Spears' appearance at the MTV awards. Just plain sad. Without cue cards, and multiple takes, this woman could barely even remember the name of her own children.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#4 Britney Spears

Talk about falling from grace. I use to get 2-3 emails a day from horny readers, demanding that I put up more pics of Britney Spears. Now, I put up 1 pic of Britney Spears in a month and I get death threats. MACCO threatened to cut out my eyes with a dull chopstick. Damn, that would really hurt.

Anyone who read Mitchieville a few years ago will remember that Britney Spears was one of The Mayors favourite little princesses. Now, I'd rather put my penis in a gopher hole than even look at a picture of that malformed, insane gnome. Where has my pleasure gone...oh ya, it's gone to Meghan Fox.

I don't know what happened to Britney Spears. Some say after she was KFed a diet of punk yokel for a few years she just snapped. Some tend to think the money and the success made her go snakey. Me on the other hand, I don't give a shit.

Out of all the revolting women on this list, Britney is by far, more useless than all of them. I can hardly see what purpose this creature has on earth, but God is all knowing and all that, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what good she is.

How revolting is Britney Spears? Let's put it this way: Margaret Cho is #6, Britney is #4. Ya, that's pretty effin' revolting.

I made a promise to myself a few months ago that I would stop posting about Britney Spears. The only time I was allowed to was if I continued with the Top 10 revolting list, or if she fell down a flight of stairs. One down, one to go.

Britney Spears is in Rehab--I Officially Rid Myself of Her

As if we didn't see this coming, Britney Spears has checked herself into rehab:

"Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today," publicist Larry Rudolph said in a statement. "We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those (privacy concerns) of her family and friends at this time."

I wonder why Britney checked herself into rehab, she seemed like such a normal and grounded young lady. Maybe someone slipped her a roofie without her knowing it.

It was about a month ago to this day that Kevin Federline told Britney Spears that she needed to check herself into rehab. On Saturday, I said this on these exact same illustrious pages, "by the time this is over, Kevin Federline will be regarded as the sane one". About three weeks ago, my buddy Jim said this, "That David Suzuki, what an arrogant, useless prick". Although Jim got a wee bit off track with that comment, it's amazing how correct all three of those sentences are.

Amazing I tells ya. amazing.

Britney Spears is Bald, Ugly, Stupid

This is Britney Spears with a bald head. Why does Britney Spears have a bald head, you ask? Is it A) She is a newly christened member of the Los Angeles version of the Hari Krishna B) She is united in solidarity with cancer survivors C) She is auditioning for the part of a holocaust victim in an upcoming Steven Spielberg movie D) She has completely lost her fucking mind.

If you guessed *D*, you sir/madam are correct.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, by the time this is over, Kevin Federline will be regarded as the sane one.

Is Britney Spears a Lesbian?

Reports from sketchy sources say that Britney Spears participated in wild orgies, threesomes and girl on girl sex before splitting from Kevin Federline:

Kevin's friend, rap music producer Omar 'Iceman' Sharif, lifted the lid on Britney's alleged sexual exploits to In Touch Weekly magazine.

He said: "Britney was into threesomes and girls. There was tons of porn in the house - but it was mostly Britney's."

Omar also claimed that Britney would host X-rated parties at her Malibu marital home.

He said: "They were friends of her who she would invite to her house and they would drink and party. They had their hands all over each other."

Another source said: "Sometimes it was three girls, and sometimes there were more like six. I heard about her being with girls at least 20 times while they were married."

I always say, if you can't trust a guy who's name is Omar *Iceman* Sharif, then who the hell can you trust? Actually, the only person I trust more than someone named Omar *Iceman* Sharif is that *Anonymous Source* character. They seem to be behind quite a few of these stories.

If Britney was into girl on girl sex, it's only because Federline was such a limp dick that he couldn't satisfy the poor girl. We have to remember that Britney was once one of the more desirable women on the planet. Fast forward three years and now we have a girl that eats chocolate covered bacon and rolls in mud. That's because of Federline. And God. Man, God really is funny sometimes.

She's a lickalotapuss

Thanks for the article, Mark, I owe you one

Oops, That Disgusting Pig May Have Done it Again

I'm not sure what's worse, the thought that Britney Spears might be pregnant again, or we will be subjected to tabloid and newspaper reporters starting out their segments with the words, "Oops, she did it again". Haha, that was funny the first 9 billion times I saw that, but it's getting a little old now, retardo-boy:

Britney Spear's friends believe that the baby-popping singer may be pregnant again, according to In Touch Weekly.

The friends concern may help to explain why Spears seems not to have lost any of her pregnancy weight and why she has been getting sick lately.

If any female Mitchievillian ever sees Kevin Federline in public, do not look him in the eye. I'm guaranteeing you that if he sees you, you will instantly be infected by his demon seed. And if he looks at your ass, that kid is going to be delivered out your bum. Kevin Federline could throw his sperm at you and you'll have his baby yuck-yuck growing in your belly within the hour.

Run far and run fast. But by God, run.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline Play House

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have come to an agreement over the custody of their children. And it's everything you would expect it to be:

Federline will have his children from noon to 4:00 pm on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at Spears’ home. Spears will be permitted to take the children to Miami from Jan. 5 to 11 as long as Federline knows where they are staying.

Man, that Federline is one cunning negotiator. He not only gets his kids for a grand total of 12 hours a week now, but he gets to spend those 12 hours in his old house, looking at all his old possessions that he will never own again, while staring at the saggy tits and the beat up pooter on his ex useless wife that he will never get to put his e i e i o seed into again. Any more negotiating on his part and he'll be mowing Britney's lawn and washing her filthy dishes by the end of the week.

Let's make a deal

The Cat Dragged in Britney Spears

If you guessed that this is a gargoyle from Madame Tussaud's House of Grotesque Monstrosities, you're not right, but you're not far off. In retrospect, Kevin Federline is lucky Britney gave him the boot when she did. A few more weeks with this ghoulish varmint, and Kevin might have woken up in the belly of this lower animal known as Spears. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw hydrochloric acid in my eyes to burn this terrible image from my beautiful green eyes.

Big Brother Bids Big For K-Fed

Big Brother in Britain has offered Kevin Federline over $300,000 (Canadian) to be in their reality show:

An insider said: Kevin is hugely entertaining because he takes himself really seriously even though no one else does.

He'll be great for the show because it's all about larger-than-life characters.

Good. I hope this leads to K-Fed being insanely successful.

You see, all I have been hearing lately is what a jackass K-Fed is and how he ruined poor Britney Spears. Oh, poor Britney, when is the little angel ever going to catch a break? Well eff me gently with a chainsaw, I say. Britney is a Class A douchebag, and it's abundantly clear from seeing her hang around that disease receptacle, Paris Hilton, the last week or so.

Britney has two children, she should be at home letting one or both of them suck on her gigantic milkbags instead of whoring around Hollyweird, smoking and drinking and acting like a piece of shit white trash piglet. K-Fed might have been onto something when he filed the papers to keep those kids, it's becoming obvious that Britney doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. Although if she hangs around Paris *feed me dead animals* Hilton long enough she'll have plenty of bones thrust up inside her body.

I feel no pain for Britney, it's not as if she didn't know K-Fed was a pot-smokin' backwoods Neanderthal when she met him, she got exactly what he advertised. She is an adult and made an adult decision. She even had TWO kids with this guy, whose fault was that? If bitch didn't want kids, bitch should have taken up the art of swallowing, like her hump buddy Paris *don't lose your wristwatch up their* Hilton. It takes two to Tango and Britney tangoed twice, so the hell with her.

I hope K-Fed gets a billion dollars from Britney, he deserves every red cent. K-Fed might be a loser, but it's not his body that had to have a tummy tuck and radical reconstruction, it was that baby-making dunce, Britney Spears. You reap what you sew, tramp.

Show me da BIG $$$ Yo dawg, shit.

K-Fed Threatens to Release Honeymoon Sex Tape

Kevin Federline has threatened to go public with the couple's Honeymoon sex tape unless Britney meets his demands:

Britney fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image unless she caves in to his demands for a £16million payoff and custody of their children Sean Preston, one, and Jayden James, eight weeks.

"Kevin has told Britney she should comply with his demands otherwise the whole world will see her having sex, which will be devastating. At the moment Kev is in talks with a company in Arizona about putting the four-hour sex vid online. If it all goes to plan he'll make £26million from it," he added.

The source explained that Federline is so enraged with his estranged wife he will do anything to hurt her.

Although no one wants to see Britney Spears naked and playing hide the snausage more than me, I do want to help the poor hayseed out by getting her tapes back. Here are a few suggestions from my lips to Britney's ears:

Promise K-Fed that if he let's you hold the tape, you will give him wicked tickets to next months Monster Jam.

Tell K-Fed that if he let's you keep the tape that you will take him to Fat Boy and let him have all the bisquits and gravy he can eat.

Make an even trade with him: Two excellent seats at any Nascar event in exchange for the tape.

Tell K-Fed that if he releases the tape of you and him having sex, you will release the tape of him and his mother having sex (you have to know there's a tape out there of that)

Another even exchange-The sex tape for 25 wife-beater shirts.

I hope these suggestions help.

BTW, Britney is looking rather snackable, isn't she? It seems that worry and stress can really shape a body of a young woman.


You aint nuthin' if you don't have a sex tape

Britney Spears Files For Divorce

Britney Spears has filed for divorce from K-Fed. Mark is right, that's exactly what happened:

The pop princess filed for divorce Tuesday from her husband, former backup dancer and aspiring rapper Kevin Federline. The Los Angeles County Superior Court filing cites "irreconcilable differences," said court spokeswoman Kathy Roberts.

In the divorce papers, Spears asks for custody of the couple's two children, with visitation rights for Federline. The filing lists as separate property, and thereby off-limits to Federline, "miscellaneous jewelry and other personal affects," earnings and other assets to be determined later.

I, like most of you, am completely shocked, I can honestly say that I never saw this coming.

They seemed so in love, and sources say that they never fought. I mean, if they did fight, or were having marital problems, you would think that some, any, gossip sites or rags would have picked up on it. But they didn't.

Brit, K-Fed, you tricked us all, Touche on your elaborate rouse.

All my ex's live in Arkansas

Britney Spears Partners Up with Charlie Sheen!

It must be nice to be famous enough that when you see something you like you just call up the owner of that company and become a partner. Or better yet, just have "your people" do it for you. What next?...I really like this cheeseburger, get me 8 more and while you're at it ask if I can become a partner...Presto! Britney's holding hands with Ronald McDonald.

Britney Spears is apparently obsessed with mommyhood and is now considering going into the children's clothing business with Charlie Sheen. Sheen has a successful line called Sheen Kidz.

Britney Spears is apparently thinking of going into business with Charlie Sheen. Against all odds, Charlie's children's wear line, Sheen Kidz, has gone down a storm in the States, now selling in more than 125 different stores, and Britney wants a piece of the action. "Brit's people approached Sheen Kidz out of the blue," a snoop reveals. "She'd seen his clothing and really liked it. She wants to start her own children's clothing line and she thought Sheen Kidz would be able to help get things off the ground." And apparently, "Charlie believes it would be fun to work with Britney."

Charlie Sheen likes the idea. Hmm...I wonder what he is thinking. "Yes, that Britney has a good head on her shoulders, she will make a great business woman" or "Yes, that Britney gives good head and she will be great to get down to business with."

Britney
Kidz with Charlie Sheen

Gossip by Luvy Famous

Britney Spears--The Magic of PhotoShop

Kevin Federline "Pimpforming" at the Teen Choice Awards

Wow, isn't Kevin just such a cheesy sexy hunk of man flesh. Nothing spells sexy like a chain-smoking, greasy-looking pimp daddy. It's a wonder No wonder Britney couldn't keep her virgin hands off him. How could you consider resist giving up your jewel to a man such as this.
Great news today, Kevin, or should I call him "K-Fed" will be performing his crap smash song at the Teenie Bopper Awards.

Britney Spears' hubby has a new gig. Kevin Federline will close the Teen Choice Awards, performing his single "Lose Control" for the first time on network television. The show airs Aug. 20 on Fox.
The 28-year-old singer, known to some as K-Fed, is expected to release his debut hip-hop album, "Playing With Fire," in August.

If K-Fed is a top choice with teens then it is a good thing that we have age restrictions for important decision making things or Brad Pitt would be our Prime Minister, Chicken Little our Official bird and there would be a cheeseburger instead of a maple leaf on our flag. Not to mention the mandatory dress code...ass-crack pants, not to go above your mid-thigh.

K-Fed Loses Control!

All I can say is at least we know he can dance. I mean, isn't that how Britney met him?

Reported by Special Agent Nikita

Britney Has the Eye of the Tiger

Britney Spears is forever the poet. She is a true wordsmith, a deep thinker...can't forget about the deep thinker:

"In some ways, people are a lot like animals. I'm mesmerized by tigers. Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze. A sense of eerie awe comes over you in their presence. The fear they give you when you pass them is stunning. Behold the beauty of the tiger."

The sad part is that Britney says the same thing about cheese-burgers.

Getting back to the article, how does that make people are a lot like animals? Is it our eyes? Our gaze? Our stripes? Who knows, it may be too deep for any of us to ever understand. That Britney, she sure is smart.

How could Britney not love animals, she's married to a cheetah

A Use My Computer Pic

I found this on WWTDD

Britney Spears in Harper's Magazine

Folks, there is no photoshopping going on at Harper's mag. Nope, none at all. Yup, this is the real pregnant Britney, and not the disgusting humped eieio yokel that you have seen in previous pictures.

What's with this fascination of putting pregnant women on the covers of magazines? No one in their right mind wants or needs to see something like that. Front covers are for hot chicks, not moody, burping baby-makers who got knocked up by drooling, talentless malcontents.

The only time when we should be seeing pregnant women on covers of magazines is when they are actually giving birth. Close-ups, plenty of close-ups.

(ya, okay, she looks hot, shut the hell up)

Put your clothes back on, you hayseed

Britney is a Hero

This is kind of bizarre:

Britney Spears stunned shoppers and staff at a Victoria's Secret lingerie shop last week, when she changed her son's diaper on the store's dirty floor.

The singer was shopping in Mission Viejo, Calif., on June 4, where she purchased some pink g-string underwear with 8-month-old son Sean Preston in tow.

The tot needed to have his diaper changed and the 24-year-old plopped him down on the floor next to the cash register.

A shocked sales associate recalls, "We don't have the cleanest floors. She just put him down and changed his diaper and then handed it to a sales clerk saying, 'Can you throw this away for us?'

"We told her that we couldn't put that in our trash."

I'm not sure what disgusts me more, the fact that Britney changed her child's filthy shit-covered diaper on a dirty floor, or the fact that she's wearing g-strings. Remember, the picture you see to the right of these words is no longer a true representation of Britney Spears. The hot looking Britney Spears left the station years ago.

And good for the Victoria Secret employee admitting that their floors are as clean as a Chinese food restaurant, I'm sure that's good for business.

This whole article has been about filth, and now I can't stop itching.

I wish someone would change my diaper

Another Use My Computer pic

Britney Isn't a Bad Mother After All

The website parenting.com asked its readers if Britney was really a bad mother like the media has portrayed her, and the baby momma's resoundingly said NO, she isn't. They said that all mothers have *incidences* with their children, and that Britney is no exception. As a matter of fact, unlike most celebrities, at least Britney takes care of her child:

This weekend, the Web site parenting.com asked readers whether the media "has gone too far in its portrayal of Britney Spears as a bad mom." In a figure that surprised the editors, almost 10,000 people answered. The results: 75 percent said yes, 25 percent no.

"If someone was watching me 24/7, I'm sure they would find any number of things I've done that would be questionable," Thaler says. "Almost dropped my kids? Definitely. Raising kids is hard -- no one can really stand in judgment unless they're much closer to the situation."

And yet these same mothers were so judgmental of me when they found out I let my 7 year old strap Ginsu knives inside his holster and play *knifey knifey* with his older brother. Or maybe it was because I let him smoke unfiltered cigarettes, whatever, I hate being judged, it makes me weep.

Cut Britney some slack, she'd do it for you

Janice Dickenson Goes Off on Britney

You know that Britney Spears is having zero luck lately when a creature like Janice Dickenson says something this bad about you:

"But she’s a hick anyway. She needs to get hot again. Stop clomping around in those Malibu flip-flops,” Dickinson told The Book Standard. I would tar and feather her first of all, tell her to dump that [bleeping] hick husband of hers. She needs solid advice, and not from Hicksville.”

That's the equivalent to a feces covered hobo telling you that you smell like shit and you need a job.

Fortunately for Britney it was Janice Dickenson saying this, and not someone who actually resembles anything close to a human being.

The disgusting leading the dumb