The Emmy's--Nothing But The Best!

The 60th Emmy's took place last night, and as usual, they were classy, funny, and topical:

Awards gave producers and stars ample opportunity to make subtle (and some not-so-subtle) references to this year's hotly contested race between John McCain and Barack Obama.

"The election between Jefferson and Adams was filled with innuendo, lies, a bitter partisan press and disinformation," said Tom Hanks, whose Playtone shingle produced "John Adams." "How great we've come so far since then."

"John Adams" star Laura Linney, who won for lead actress in a mini or movie, threw some support toward Obama, although not by name. Referencing recent Republican attacks on Obama's stint as a community organizer, Linney said the miniseries made her "so grateful and thankful for the community organizers that helped form our country."

The Emmycast's five hosts began the show by yammering on about not having a show open -- leading Howie Mandel to compare their stage time to "Sarah Palin's bridge to nowhere."

And this is why the Emmy's are always such a big hit. The actors and actresses are just so witty, so funny, so in tune with what America, nay, what the world is thinking. Hollyweird *stars* are just so smart, most of them border on genius. This is why the average Joe six-pack can't get enough of them.

In other news:

The three-hour 60th Primetime Emmy Awards ceremony received a 3.8 rating/9 share in the preliminary adults 18-49 demo -- the lowest in Nielsen's recorded People Meter history.

That's 12% below last year's previous Emmy record low, a ceremony hosted by Ryan Seacrest on Fox.

Do not take this as a sign that the masses have given up on Hollyweirdo's, and think they are nothing more than a bunch of classless, snobby, elitist, out-of-touch douchebags. The ratings were really low because...ahhh....you know...the ahhh, big football game was on.

Yes, the big football game was on. It was gigantic. Monstrous really.

Make sure to read the comments in this article

J Lo--There's The Beef

Performing in Athens over the weekend, J Lo had a revealing *wardrobe malfunction*:

Wearing a fringed white dress and thigh length boots, the 39-year-old singer had the wardrobe mishap when a side view revealed she was not wearing a bra.

No bra? Dirty slut.

To be fair, it's not the no bra part that disturbs me about that picture. What disturbs me is that it looks like J Lo has a side of beef folded up behind her left tit. It also disturbs me that J Lo's ass is so big that it now has its own postal code. It especially disturbs me that she can totally get away with wearing a bathmat and no one is calling her out on it.

And let's not even talk about those man-hands

Lindsay Lohan Hates Sarah Palin

First Matt Damon, then Hugo Chavez, now this:

"I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin," the actress, 22, wrote on her MySpace blog Sunday.

"I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female," Lohan said.

"I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor, which is probably all she is qualified to be.

"Oh, and... Hint Hint Pali Pal - Don't pose for anymore tabloid covers, you're not a celebrity, you're running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!"

Oh no, I feared this was going to happen. It seems that Sarah Palin will not be able to deliver the important ultra-liberal/whore/imbecile/bi-sexual demographic. That's just great, there goes the Hollywood block.

Lindsay Lohan--super-duper smart

Five Guys In A Limo

In the YouTube clip below, Hollywood voice-over legend Don LaFontaine (who died earlier this week) and 4 of his voice-over pals have a little fun on their way to some awards show I've never heard of.    Lot's fun, and safe for the kids too!

More about Don LaFontaine and his career can be found here.

H\T

Pamela Anderson--What The Hell?

What in God's name has happened to Pamela Anderson? I thought getting fake tits, fake lips, fake hair, and Hep C was suppose to keep one looking fresh and attractive? I suppose my theory was wrong. Pamela Anderson has slowly morphed into something that resembles a product Maple Leaf foods packaged in around August 21 of this year.

Jenna Jameson Gets Naked For Animals

I find it amusing that PETA, the group that is against the exploitation of animals, can use a pig like that to promote their cause. Hypocrites. I also find it funny that Jenna Jameson is for the spaying and neutering of animals, yet she doesn't have the good grace to get herself spayed. Hypocrite.

I have to admit though, with the help of Photoshop, a belly full of whiskey, bad vision, and the desire to die by herpes, Jenna Jameson actually looks pretty good. Hypocrite.

Kathy Griffin And Her Many Regrets

Speaking to Fitness Magazine, Kathy Griffin unloads about her weight, her many times under the knife for cosmetic surgery, and various other sundries that are too boring to talk about:

Kathy has admitted to having a facelift, a nose job, veneers on her teeth, an eyebrow lift and liposuction on her arms, legs and stomach - the latter of which nearly killed her when she developed toxicity and nearly bled to death internally. After all that work, Griffin admitted that she didn't really notice any results, except for her teeth, and that if she had it to do over again, she would have avoided it all.

On the other hand, if, after all the surgeries, Kathy Griffin came away looking like anything other than Kathy Griffin, she might have a different attitude. You see, Kathy Griffin looks like something that you would feed peanuts to. She has a face like a carved up pork roast and is about as funny as child leukemia. Kathy Griffin is a goblin, make no mistake about it. Her face would scare flies off of shit. I feel no pity for Kathy Griffin, she is a festering boil on the diseased ass of life. I have never liked her and I never will, even if she baked me cookies.

Celebitchy

Stick A Fork In Her, Madonna Is Done

Although Madonna looked like she saw, well, herself in a mirror, her publicist says that she is not sick, and that this photograph in question was just a bad picture:

The pop star "may look a little thinner than usual," Rosenberg conceded, "but she was dancing and singing better than ever and ate a nice healthy meal."

I'm more concerned with the walking unibrow that has attached itself to Madonna's tentacles. She's obviously sucking whatever life-force Madonna has left in her tattered and abused body. On the bright side, it's nice to hear a story that doesn't involve Madonna doing the sucking.

Rimshot

Don't Taze Me Bro(lin)

Actors Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were arrested this past weekend at a Shreveport, La. bar. During the arrest, things got pretty ugly:

The incident occurred during a wrap party for Oliver Stone's movie "W" about the Prez. Local station KTBS reports and TMZ sources say Wright, who plays Colin Powell, was repeatedly tasered and pepper sprayed as he lay prone on his stomach in the street. We know witnesses heard the officers using extremely foul language, including the "N" word, directed at Wright.

Our sources say Brolin was observed by witnesses attempting to make peace and standing still as he was repeatedly sprayed in the eyes by cops.

I'm not sure what the *N* word is, I'll have to ask Jesse Jackson what that means the next time I see him.

If you follow the link to the story, you'll see a familiar thread in the comment sections of TMZ and the various other blogs: People from the south are racist bastards, cops are nothing but power-hungry pigs, and all nednecks should die.

Bra.Vo.

Even though no one has seen the cell phone video of the incident, most people have made their minds up that the cops in question are racist because they called Wright a nigger. Let me remind the good citizens of Mitchieville that Jesse Jackson was heard, and taped, the other day calling Barack Obama a nigger. Let me remind the good citizens that rappers, black comedians, black actors, black anything, bandy that word around far more than anyone from the racist race. We DO NOT know what colour the cops are, let alone if they actually did anything to Brolin and Wright, two people that most likely deserved to get a good shit kicking anyway.

Stone, Brolin, Wright and all the other liberal idiots that went to Louisiana to make an anti-GWB movie had this coming to them. They were simply out of their element. They got drunk, acted like fucking idiots and got a face full of fist. The only way I could be happeier is if I applied the tazering myself.

TMZ is only telling half a story at this point--something they often do. They are not a news organization by any means, TMZ is merely a left-leaning gossip blog that caters to retards, fools and loudmouth assholes.

The only thing that's disappointing is that Stone didn't get his head caved in too. Oh well, I'm sure there will be more opportunities in the future. Fucking commie douchebag.

Colin Farrell Slims Down

Colin Farrell has slimmed the hell down for a role he will playing later on this year in the movie *Triage*:

It is believed he has lost as much as three stone for the Bosnian film, in which he stars alongside Spanish actress Paz Vega and British actor Christopher Lee.

The thriller tells the story of a war photographer who loses his best friend during a harrowing assignment in war-torn Bosnia during the early 1990s.

I'm not sure how much three stone is, but by the look of it, it is no less than 170 lb. If the dwarf wore red he'd look like a thermometer. At first when I saw this picture I thought Colin was in training to play the role of Amy Winehouse in her new movie, "I have AIDS and I'm Nearly Dead".

Sometimes I hate being Irish...

Kirstie Alley--She Just May Eat You

Since given the heave-ho by Jenny Craig (most likely by way of a forklift), Kirstie Alley has gained so much weight that not only is her health in jeopardy, but the Enquirer reports she collapsed while walking across a parking lot:

“Kirstie’s weight crisis took a turn for the worse when she hit the 240-pound mark. Everyone - from her two kids to her staff to her close friends - is trying to get through to her,” said the source…

Her friends are also worried that her excess weight could lead to life-threatening health conditions like cardiovascular problems and a predisposition to diabetes.

Those fears escalated when the 5-foot-8 star collapsed while walking to her car on a steamy, hot California day.

“Kirstie was walking across a parking lot to her car when she suddenly got lightheaded. As she reached her car, she had to grab onto the door handle because her knees began to buckle.”

She probably thought it was a giant cheesecake with hot fudge wheels and couldn't control her excitement.

If kirstie's weight gain means that we never have to see her on Oprah, posing in a bathing suit ever again, then by all means, have another slab of chocolate covered bacon, you brick shithouse.

There should be a law that fat people aren't allowed out of their houses when the temperature reaches anything past 75 degrees. And not because it's a safety measure for the obese, but rather it's so I personally don't have to look at another blubber ball sweating themselves stinky.

Celebitchy was the cause of this post

Sarah Jessica Parker Feels Old & Tired

In an interview with Bang, Sarah Jessica Parker unloads about what life is like in Hollywood at age 43:

The 'Sex and the City' actress admits she is finding it hard to cope in the movie industry now she is 43, but would never consider going under the knife to preserve her beauty.

I wonder what she means by *preserve her beauty*?

She said: "I feel so old and tired - I look around and everyone else seems so much younger! I buy face cream. I'll try everything.

"Who knows if they work but I can't help thinking the more money you spend, the better it must be!"

Face cream only works on faces that don't look like they were beaten senseless by a 2 x 4. Truth be told, the last time I saw a face like Sarah's, it had a hook through its mouth. And the reason why Parker feels old and tired is because she is old and tired. Hell, I feel old a tired just looking at her. My cock feels old and tired, and defeated, and abused, just looking at her.

Rosanne Barr Lashes Out At Madonna (but falls short of eating her)

Upset at the amount of Botox Madonna has received, Rosanne Barr had this to say about Madonna's obsession:

“Please lay off the Botox,” she wrote. “You are scaring the children. Act your age. You are doing good things and your face negates your message of spirituality.”

It's interesting the two factions at play here. One the one hand you have an obese, disgusting pot calling the sluttish, horrid kettle black. Rosanne believes that women should age gracefully, yet gracefully is not a word that can be associated with Rosanne Barr in the least. However, she does make a good point that Madonna should stay away from the Botox. Maybe the two can compromise: If Madonna agrees to lay off the Botox, Rosanne will agree to kill herself, and take Madonna with her.

Sure, it's not much of a compromise, but it's only thing I can see that will work at this point.

Pass the needle...

Wow, They're Still Alive!

Here are three of the four Golden Girls accepting a TV Land Award for, I don't know, staying alive so long?

It's a pretty sad day when out of three women on stage, Betty White is the best looking. Don't get me wrong, the chick in the middle with the cock isn't so bad, at least she's prettier than the scrumpled up old tissue on the right.

Again, blame Mark Nicodemo for sending this to me

Friday Night Man Approved 1980's Male Flesh

Ah the 80s. Nothing quite like em, for better and for... well... just for the better. Who can forget the era of cocaine, jazzercise, short shorts (for men and women), heavy metal hair bands, ripped jeans, Madonna, and Michael Jackson (when he was still a normal human from the planet Earth)?

What exactly was it that made a guy hot in the 80s? It's hard to believe when you look back at who the studs of the 80s were. Feathery hairdos, skinny bodies, even skinnier legs, mustaches, and hairy chests. And on occasion, the man perm! Hahahaha. What were the men of the 80s actually thinking getting their hair permed?! Let's just blame it on too much cocaine affecting their reasoning skills.

Everyone remembers the quintessential 80s stud Tom Selleck, or to be more exact Magnum P.I. Hell yes! This guy had it all. He lived on a huge Hawaiian estate and got to drive a Ferrari around all day. He often lounged around topless, showing off that hairy chest that proved he was a virile lady killer. And when he wasn't lounging, solving crimes, or driving fast cars, Magnum would take a dip in the blue Hawaiian ocean as his his ascot-wearing, sexually ambiguous partner in crime Rick watched from the beach. Okay, so Rick was totally gay for Magnum. Am I right, or what?!


Then we have the blond hunk every guy wanted to be, and every woman wanted to be with. John Schnieder aka Bo Duke was a free-wheelin Southern boy with a fast car and a gorgeous blond head of hair. His lanky frame and perfect smile helped him seduce the lady-folk. Bo Duke was a stud among mere mortals. It must have really sucked to be Luke Duke -- always playing second fiddle to his more handsome, blond cousin.







Oh Erik Estrada, or as TV fans lovingly knew him, Ponch Poncherello from CHiPs. Ponch was one of the first Latino male sex symbols. Just look at that photo. It oozes with sex appeal (and maybe a little bit of hair grease too). Ponch wielded a badge, a gun, and a hot motorcycle. And I'm no authority on what women find attractive in a man (Lisa??), but I hear that chicks dig guys on motorcycles. They certainly wanted to ride Ponch's crotch rocket. (Side note: I wonder if that's where the slang term "ponch" came from, meaning big belly?)



And, let us not forget the dreamiest of all the 80s studs, Rob Lowe. Those steamy eyes, the dark features, that lithe body. Rob Lowe was a young stud on his way to fame and fortune. Then he ruined it all by making a sex tape with two girls. Hell, most Hollywood wannabes make sex tapes and leak them on purpose these days, just for the free publicity. But back then, Lowe was committing an uncharted offense. And to make things worse, one of the girls was underage. So, he checked himself into rehab for alcohol abuse and sex addiction. Wow, this guy had some serious problems, right? He was the hottest stud in Hollywood, drank lots of good booze, and got as much poontang (and more) as any guy could ever want. Man, I sure am glad he checked himself into a clinic to cure his illness...

The 80s may have produced some hot studs. But, for the sake of all that is good in this world, may we never revisit the 80s again.

And, until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health! Even 80s retro Man Flesh.


Posted by Logan

Was Cher (tea) Bagging Tom Cruise?

In an interview with Oprah (you go girl!), Cher admitted to having a tryst with Tom Cruise. In other news, I'm vomiting in a Glad garbage bag:

"I was so crazy about him," says Cher, who was 39 when she reportedly met the 23-year-old Cruise at a White House fund-raiser in the mid-'80s, not long after his breakthrough role in 1983's Risky Business.

Instantly smitten with the young actor, Cher recalls, "He was so wonderful ... And he was so, like, different."

Winfrey's audience particularly appreciated Cher's remembrance of the "long date" she spent with Cruise – "I lived in his apartment," she tells Winfrey – which elicited cheers from the crowd, reports Britain's Daily Mail.

I wouldn't think it would take much to keep Cher happy, maybe a salt-lick and a handful of oats.

Cher has always scared the hell out of me. I once had this terrible dream where I was in the same room as Cher and she saw me, walked over to where I was, pulled out her cock and beat me half to death with it.

Not that Tom Cruise would mind that, from the look of the picture he must have just whispered in her ear, "if you hold my junk like you hold that mic, I'll give you some maize and an apple."

Whoa, that's some scary stuff!

The Superficial for the pic

NEXT--MindTrap Trivia

ALSO--Piece of Art or Piece of Shit?

Paris Hilton Loves All Four African Countries

Paris Hilton was in South Africa over the weekend with boyfriend Benji Madden of Good Charlotte, when a reporter asked her what she thought of South Africa:

“I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.”

I guess it's safe to say she's not a big fan of the countries East Africa and North Africa. From what I hear, she thinks that East African kids need to eat more and take more baths...the little beggars are really dirty and quite skinny.

That would explain all the flies...

Carnie(vore) Wilson Chews The Fat About Weight Gain

Please--don't eat the baby!

In an interview with OK magazine, Carnie Wilson blabbers on about, what else, her weight:

In 1999, Carnie Wilson famously underwent gastric bypass surgery to cut 150 lbs. off her 300-lb. frame. Her struggle with her weight wasn't over, though, as she gained back the pounds carrying daughter Lola, now 2. But after a stint on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club, Carnie shed another 22 lbs. That was two years ago. Now, a month away from her 40th birthday, Carnie weighs 208 lbs. and wears a size 16. Opening up to OK!, the singer says she has hit "rock bottom" with her weight.

Even all these years later, having had such a great weight-loss story, being back in this place is so familiar. And it hurts. I don't want to feel this way anymore. It doesn't feel good when you have to struggle to get your pants on."

The source of her tremendous weight gain is snacking. Since having her daughter, the former Wilson Phillips star says she turned all her focus on her little girl, leaving little to no attention to her weight or diet.

"I had anxiety, started snacking and gained it all back and more," she says. "I have a weakness when it comes to snacking. For me, it's a tortilla with cheese, popcorn and graham crackers, all in one night."

Are we suppose to feel sorry for Carnie Wilson, is that she's aiming for--our sympathy? I think not, Carnie.

It's hard reading stories like this. Not that they touch my heart, just the opposite, they make me sick. Here's a woman who lost a bunch of weight (granted, it was through gastric bypass surgery) and now she has gained it all back because she openly admits that she eats like a pig. Look at the shit she eats, that's disgusting.

I suppose we're suppose to feel sorry for her, but does she feel sorry for her baby? Let's face it, if you're grossly overweight and you eat tortillas and cheese followed by popcorn and graham crackers, you best be making a bucket list, cuz your time on this earth is coming near. AND, your kid is going to be an orphan.

Carnie Wilson gets no sympathy from me. If something is broke, fix it. Why she thinks that anyone cares about her weight, or why she thinks it's necessary to go to a major magazine and bitch and moan is beyond me. Put down the chips and get on an exercise bike, you lily livered, obsessive compulsive, blubbering mount of cellulite.

A big momma and a pappa

According to Maxim, SJP Is The Ugliest Woman In The World

Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the World's Most Ugliest Woman in an online poll sponsiored by Maxim Magazine:

Parker, 43, has had a hard time dealing with the news that men do not find her as attractive as advertisers do, claiming the result of the Maxim poll was "brutal" and also affected her husband, actor Matthew Broderick.

Parker told Grazia: "Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No.

"Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not.

"Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow!

"It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger.

"It upset him (Broderick), because it has to do with his judgement too. It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do?

Sarah is in the first stage of denial: Anger. The other stages consist of sleepy, sneezy, bashful and finally, acceptance.

Sarah is obviously very upset at this poll, her words make The Mayor sad. Kind of like when I'm watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame and that horrible malformed creature is locked away in the bell tower and then falls in love with Esmeralda. At the end of the movie, Quasimodo thinks he sees Frollo kill Esmeralda and then flings him off the tower. Quasimodo escapes Notre Dame but later his skeleton is found hanging from the rafters in a repository of executed criminals.

Man, Sarah Jessica Parker sure is ugly.

What a story, they should make it into a book!

He's F***ing Ben Affleck

I’m sure all of Mitchiedom remembers The Mayor posting Sara Silverman’s video “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” a few weeks ago. Jimmy Kimmel has come back with his own celebrity filled revenge video:



Posted by Reg Reginaldson
Minister of Munitions, Landfill, and Textiles Related to Munitions and Landfill