Jodie Foster Is Gay--And I Like Sandwiches

At an awards show the other day, possibly even yesterday, or today, Jodie Foster more or less came out of the closet and thanked her girlfriend for something or the other:

Jodie Foster has finally come out as a lesbian to pay tribute to her girlfriend of 14 years.

The fiercely-private actress has always resolutely refused to discuss her sexuality.

But after winning an award at a Women in Entertainment breakfast, she broke her taboo to thank "my beautiful Cydney".

Beautiful? The broad looks like a cadaver covered in old people skin.

Jodie Foster and her ham-faced girlfriend are basically the reasons why I have never watch lesbo porn. Porn tries to tell us that every hot chick has the lesbo gene in them, while reality tells me that lesbos look more like Fosters carpet-munching girlfriend/lawn gnome: An old crotchety hag whose face looks like a diseased urinal puck.

And baby-face, I don't care what you're selling, I aint buyin' it.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#1 Rosie O'Donnell

I'm sure this is absolutely no surprise to anyone that has ever read more than a week of Mitchieville, the #1 Most Revolting Woman on the Planet is Rosie *I've never met a cheeseburger I didn't like* O'Donnell.

Rosie O'Donnell is proof that $9.99 for an all you can eat buffet isn't really a deal after all. This scowling, sneering reptile looks like something that Japanese fishermen pulled up from a lagoon. You're blocking my sun, reinforce the earth and sit the hell down.

Whether it's her love of conspiracy theories (but only those that involve the American Gov't perpetrating them), her Anti-American views, her hatred of America's military, or her love of anything that could possibly cause embarrassment to the US, the human roadblock they call Rosie is a big hit in lefty circles. Righties also want her to be a big hit, of course they want the hit to come from their fist to her forehead, or better yet, from their Hummer to her skull.

Rosie O'Donnell is the enemy. She's a dangerous person. In many ways she's worse than any foreign enemy the US has. She has her bully pulpit which she uses pretty much every day to pump up our enemies, put down our troops and gov't and spew rhetoric and hatred that only Al Qaeda could pray to get. Some of you think I may have gone too far when I say Rosie is an enemy. Really? Prove me wrong.

Rosie is a spoiled bitch that has too much money and too few functioning brain cells. Her ideas are misconceived and trivial, she relies on emotion and no facts. She speaks of things she knows nothing about, and her fans lap it up like the emotional retards they are. People should be ashamed for liking this human splotch. Rosie O'Donnell is a worthless, miserable blight on humanity. She is a bitter, trashy, unimportant piece of shit that the world would be better off without. She is a poster child for everything useless.

Rosie O'Donnell not only takes the cake, she also eats it. In two, possibly three bites. She is the Most Revolting Woman on The Planet, and I'm sure if there is life outside our world, she would win the Most Revolting Woman in Our Galaxy, also.

Rosie O'Donnell, what a piece of work.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#2 The View

I know that you were probably expecting a singular individual to fill the #2 spot on the Top 10 Most Revolting Women on The Planet, but having all the cast members of The View fill the spot just seems right.

If you haven't watched The View before, good for you, that means that you're probably not suicidal. If you are fortunate enough never to have been subjected to it, let me tell you what the show is about.

The View generally consists of a panel of either three or four womyn who have no charisma, wit or common sense. Currently, the three hosts consist of Joy Behar, who is about as attractive as black lung, Barbara Walters, who, considering that she is partially retarded and has a speech impediment, is still the smartest one of the lot, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the weak Conservative, who, when disagreeing with her cohorts, joggles her head disapprovingly like she's shaking burning cinders from her hair.

So, two or three liberals and one brain dead Conservative banter about the most important issues of the day. The topics range from such gems as, "Why is George Bush so evil?", to, "Why are Conservatives so evil?", "Who was really behind 9/11?" and "How do I properly secure my panty liner?"

All three cacklers talk at once, usually as loud as three old hags on speed can talk, while the studio audience snorts, sniffs and grunts like pigs at a trough. After a few minutes of this nonsense you'll want to dig the eyes out of your head with a soup spoon.

If you happen to be a regular watcher of The View, I bet The Manor that you have uttered these words before: "School is for losers, I'm gonna make me a fortune waitressing at Denny's".

I suppose that the only people worse than the cast members of The View are the dunces and malcontents that watch it. Idiot morning TV watchers with no life, lard assed single baby mommas with dripping chocolate rings around their fat, snarling gobs are what the creators of The View count on. Money in the bank, I suppose.

The View is torture on normal womyn, but is certain death for anyone that has testicles. Watching 5 minutes of The View is akin to being visually neutered.

I originally intended to give the #2 spot to the cast of The View, but the deeper I got into this post, the more I think that anyone that watches this hideously unwatchable show should be tagged with the unhonourable mention as well.

So, here's to the cast of The View and to all the imbecilic, mentally defective, and cretinous swine that watch them: You are all #2 of the Top 10 Most Revolting Womyn on The Planet.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#3 Hillary Clinton

You are probably familiar with the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". No doubt spoken by an ugly person, but I digress.

Coming in at #3 on the Top 10 Most Revolting Women on The Planet is no other than the Hildabeast, Hillary Clinton. I'm actually going to heed the advice above and not say anything bad about Hillary Clinton at all, I'm going to make this positive, full of happiness and merriment.

Hmmmmm, what to say then? Well, I'm pretty sure Hillary doesn't have a tail, so that's pretty good. I've never heard any stories about her eating babies, live or dead, so that's positive. She's right handed, that's kinda neat.

What else? She's never been convicted of training dogs to fight, unlike Michael Vick. She had a baby, so the rumours about her having a cock are false, so that bodes well for her. Since she's a hermaphrodite, she gets to shop for clothing in a man's or woman's store, that's a real bonus.

Man, this aint easy. I've heard people state that she talks out of both sides of her mouth at the same time, that's a pretty nifty trick. She seemed to get over her husband banging other chicks, I suppose that can be looked at as positive.

Wow, I'm running out of happy thoughts. Oh right, for a person with a face like a sewer grate, she seems to be adjusting well in society. For a person that sleeps in a coffin and drinks the blood of orphan immigrant children, she leads a pretty productive life. For someone who wants to ruin the country, hates our military, and outright lies to the American public, she sure...ahhhhh, well, hmmmmmm, doesn't have much of a mustache?

That's it, I'm done.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#4 Britney Spears

Talk about falling from grace. I use to get 2-3 emails a day from horny readers, demanding that I put up more pics of Britney Spears. Now, I put up 1 pic of Britney Spears in a month and I get death threats. MACCO threatened to cut out my eyes with a dull chopstick. Damn, that would really hurt.

Anyone who read Mitchieville a few years ago will remember that Britney Spears was one of The Mayors favourite little princesses. Now, I'd rather put my penis in a gopher hole than even look at a picture of that malformed, insane gnome. Where has my pleasure gone...oh ya, it's gone to Meghan Fox.

I don't know what happened to Britney Spears. Some say after she was KFed a diet of punk yokel for a few years she just snapped. Some tend to think the money and the success made her go snakey. Me on the other hand, I don't give a shit.

Out of all the revolting women on this list, Britney is by far, more useless than all of them. I can hardly see what purpose this creature has on earth, but God is all knowing and all that, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what good she is.

How revolting is Britney Spears? Let's put it this way: Margaret Cho is #6, Britney is #4. Ya, that's pretty effin' revolting.

I made a promise to myself a few months ago that I would stop posting about Britney Spears. The only time I was allowed to was if I continued with the Top 10 revolting list, or if she fell down a flight of stairs. One down, one to go.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#5 Susan Sarandon

Many of you have looked at the picture I have displayed and asked yourself why on earth is The Mayor displaying a picture of a filthy bag of dish towels. Try looking a little closer, there's actually somewhat of human being lurking behind all that filth. Although you were very close in your assumption that I put up a picture of a filthy bag of dish towels, it's actually Susan Sarandon.

There's a good reason why Susan Sarandon broke The top 5 of The Top 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet: She earned it. This broad never shuts up. Every time I see her on TV she's yapping about this and that, complaining about the government and Conservatives and all the freedoms she's lost. What a joke. Meanwhile, bitch has more money invested in her ring that you and I will make in 300 years. She might want to invest some of her zillions of dollars and go out and get a decent hair cut.

Why does Susan Sarandon think she's smart enough to preach about the ills of government and society? Because she has a degree in drama (insert laughter here____)from the University of America in Washington. Yup, the same University of America that has put out such great minds as, ahhhh, ummmmm, well, ahhhhhh, how about that guy that walks up and down my street ringing a bell? He'll sharpen any knife in his fancy knife sharpening machine for 25 cents.

Susan Sarandon is a hero to leftists all around America, and for that matter, the world. Keep in mind that other lefty hero's include Algore, Stalin, and of course every leftists wet dream, Che Guevara. She's in good company, you are known by the company you keep.

Some of you might be curious as to how I could possibly put someone on the Most Revolting list when that person has such large breasts. Good question. Maybe 80 years ago when Susan was 18 I might not have been able to do it, but now that she's fossilized and her breasts look like a couple of speed bags, blown apart by b-rank boxers in Philadelphia, it aint hard.

Here's to you, Susan Sarandon, you are the 5th Most Revolting Piglet on the Planet.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet--#6 Margaret Cho

A while back I started a list called, "The 10 Most Revolting Women in the World". I said that over the course of 10 days I was going to reveal my revolting list. That was January 11. It is more than 10 days. I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry to say that I fully intend on finishing the list, it may take me longer than expected, but as God is my witness, the list will be completed.

Without further ado, we have Margaret Cho coming in at #6. If you're familiar with Margaret Cho, you will agree with me when I say that this pig has zero likeable qualities. She's not funny, she's not cute and I'm pretty sure her parents hate her.

I once had a girlfriend who called me into the living room one time to tell me that Margaret Cho was on, and she was soooooo funny. Later that night I burned down my girlfriends house and crippled her cat.

Margaret Cho got famous for squishing up her face and putting on a silly Korean accent and making retarded jokes. For some reason that only Satan is familiar with, some women thought Cho was some sort of laugh riot. In reality, the women who thought Cho was funny were equally as unappealing, unattractive, idiotic and unfuckable.

Margaret Cho is a self-declared bi-sexual, meaning, now there are two sexes that don't want to touch her with a 10 foot pole. Margaret Cho is dirty and most likely smelly.

This tub of shit really should be #1 as far as the most revolting piggy in the world, hell, she could be all of the top 10. But she's not, she's #6.

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet--#7 Paris Hilton

I was working at The Shoe Horn, I was the Assistant to the Assistant Manager, when in walked Paris Hilton. I knew it was Paris Hilton from the look of her droopy eye and the smell of slut that permeated the air. She came up to me and asked what I thought would look good on her. I told her a German shepherd. I said to her, what do you want? She said, "I'll tell you what I want", and then became silent. I asked her again, "tell me what you want, what you really really want". She replied, "I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want", and became silent once again. I could see this was getting me nowhere fast.

I decided to keep trying, I was, after all, on a pretty sweet 3% commission rate. "So tell me what you want, what you really really want"

"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna"

"For God's sake, you little herpe machine, spit it out"

"I really really wanna zigazig ha"

What? What in the hell do you mean by that? It's not bad enough that you're an STD rollercoaster, a worthless hump pinata who has seen more wang than a Chinese phone book, but you have to come in here and waste my precious time? You're going on my list. Oh ya, you are truly revolting.

Let's itemize, shall we? Paris Hilton--Worthless? Check. Sewage slop? Check. Riddled with disease? Check. Crap human being? Check. #7 on the list? Check.

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet--#8 Madonna

Madonna is another creature that could have easily been the first choice for the most revolting woman on the planet. Hell, she could have captured the top three spots all by herself. She has managed to offend pretty much everybody in her lifetime, and she makes no qualms about it, she just goes on with her demented life, talking in a fake British accent, adopting children and harvesting them for spare parts, trying to convince people that the freak-show cult she belongs to is nothing short of normal, and of course, preaching love and tolerance by offending Christians and their beliefs.

Madonna is a real work of art. Having said that, art is subjective, and that nearly always means that art is shit. So, what that really means is that Madonna is shit. Following those lines, Madonna is true art in its purest form. Perhaps the artsiest woman I have ever seen. She has art oozing from her every pore. Yup, she's an arthead.

From the look of that picture, you could drive a truck through the space of her teeth. Although most of us would rather drive a railroad spike through her forehead. Her vagina? Same thing, you could drive a truck or a railroad spike through it. She wouldn't notice, she's just go about eating her salami sandwich and listening to her IPod.

I have never found Madonna attractive, I'm not sure that I have ever met anyone that has found Madonna attractive. Even if she did have a hint of attractiveness, it is instantly wiped out by her pomposity and pretentiousness. When all is said and done, she's just a worn out clown who made her millions by dancing like a whore and singing disgusting lyrics. So what, I can take a shit and read the newspaper at the same time, send Fenris money.

Madonna comes in #8, I wish it could be higher but we have an extremely shitty crop of losers this year, so she'll have to take #8. There's always next year, and hell knows, Madonna isn't getting any better.

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet--#9 Lindsay Lohan

Many of you might be wondering how in God's green earth Lindsay Lohan managed to take the #9 position for the most revolting woman on the planet while Barbra Streisand only managed #10. Many of you might be curious as to how a woman with a pretty acceptable body like Lindsay could have a crappier position than that of a woman that has the body of a beat up pickup truck. Many of you might be asking yourself why you have a large greasy bump on the inside of your bumhole.

I'll answer those questions thusly: Lohan is #9 and Streisand is #10 for the simple fact that Lohan is a filthy whore while Streisand is just a dirty bitch. Filthy tops whore and whore tops bitch.

The reason you have a large greasy bump on the inside of your bumhole is because you don't wipe well enough. It's God's wake-up call to you. He's saying, "Hey, dirty pig, you need to clean better down there or I'll plague you with disgusting bumps". God is just.

I really wanted to give Lohan the benefit of the doubt, I really didn't want to put her on my list, but she made me. Lohan has proven quite useless throughout 2006, being sloth-like and lazy, pigdogish and generally dysfunctional. She's unproductive and pointless, feckless and meaningless, she's a garbagy, no good, valueless trash deposit. And that's on her good days.

Lohan deserves to be on my list, she's a real dirty girl. Lohan has had more balls bounce off her chin than a retarded child playing dodgeball. That was a terrible line, I should be ashamed of myself. And I am, and Lohan should be ashamed of herself, but she's not, easy broads never are.

Have a look at #10!

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet--#10 Barbra Streisand

Over the next 10 days (weekends not included, of course) I will be sharing with you a list I have compiled of the 10 Most Revolting Women on the planet. Believe it or not, picking 10 revolting women wasn't as hard as you would think. As a matter of fact, I had to skim the list down from over 300 just to get to 10.

I didn't base my list just on looks, although sometimes looks did indeed play a part in my selection, I also based my list on personality, character and general hateability.

Coming in at #10, but could have easily been #1, is a creature that I have despised for years now--Barbra Walters Streisand.

Born April 24, 1942 as Barbara Joan Streisand, to the parents of a gargoyle and a cave-dweller, idiot Streisand, as the neighborhood mentally challenged kids called her, changed her name to *Barbra* at age 16 because she was too stupid in the head to memorize all the letters in Barbara. Plus, the word Barbra has the word *bra* in it and that made her laugh.

Barbra, or Babs as her douchebag fans call her, has made 61 movies in her career. And not one has been any good. Seriously, every single movie that Barbra Streisand has been in is pure vomit, completely unwatchable, just unholy shit. God she sucks.

Barbra believes in equality for all, as you can see if you sludge through her website. Equality for everyone is one of Barbra's dreams, and she constantly tries to achieve that dream by bashing Conservatives and there principles.

How Barbra Streisand became famous is beyond me. I asked Barbra's father how she became so famous for a person that lacked any significant amount of talent, and he told me that Barbra is a fighter. As a matter of fact, he said she became that way fighting the pillow off her face as he tried to smother her every day from age 6-14.

Only in America could a person so damn ugly, so damn talentless, and so damn void of any personality become famous. In any other country she would have been made into chub.

Barbra Streisand, a curse on the world.