Sarah Jessica Parker Feels Old & Tired

In an interview with Bang, Sarah Jessica Parker unloads about what life is like in Hollywood at age 43:

The 'Sex and the City' actress admits she is finding it hard to cope in the movie industry now she is 43, but would never consider going under the knife to preserve her beauty.

I wonder what she means by *preserve her beauty*?

She said: "I feel so old and tired - I look around and everyone else seems so much younger! I buy face cream. I'll try everything.

"Who knows if they work but I can't help thinking the more money you spend, the better it must be!"

Face cream only works on faces that don't look like they were beaten senseless by a 2 x 4. Truth be told, the last time I saw a face like Sarah's, it had a hook through its mouth. And the reason why Parker feels old and tired is because she is old and tired. Hell, I feel old a tired just looking at her. My cock feels old and tired, and defeated, and abused, just looking at her.

Sex And The City Pretty Much Sucks The Fat One

The first review of the Sex And the City movie is out, and it's everything I expected from a movie, and less:

There may be a problem with a film when a narrator constantly tells you the meaning of what you have just seen, gift-wrapping each scene with a moral.

There may be a problem with characters who shop with such conviction while the audience looks up from the trough of a credit crunch.

There may be a problem with stretching Sex and the City into a two hour and twenty minute film - it can feel like a never ending dinner party.

It sounds like the type of movie where halfway through, I reach into my pocket, pull out my 12" buck knife and slice my own head off.

The guy that reviewed the movie admits that the women in the theatre were weeping and cheering and laughing and possibly masturbating to a picture of me, but that seems slightly unlikely.

Who shouldn't see this movie? Anyone with less than two x chromosomes.

Who should see this movie? Bitter, crusty malcontents that have low social skillz, a thin grasp on reality, and people who say shit like, "You go girl!"

Or, it could be really good

According to Maxim, SJP Is The Ugliest Woman In The World

Sarah Jessica Parker has been named the World's Most Ugliest Woman in an online poll sponsiored by Maxim Magazine:

Parker, 43, has had a hard time dealing with the news that men do not find her as attractive as advertisers do, claiming the result of the Maxim poll was "brutal" and also affected her husband, actor Matthew Broderick.

Parker told Grazia: "Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No.

"Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not.

"Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow!

"It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger.

"It upset him (Broderick), because it has to do with his judgement too. It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do?

Sarah is in the first stage of denial: Anger. The other stages consist of sleepy, sneezy, bashful and finally, acceptance.

Sarah is obviously very upset at this poll, her words make The Mayor sad. Kind of like when I'm watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame and that horrible malformed creature is locked away in the bell tower and then falls in love with Esmeralda. At the end of the movie, Quasimodo thinks he sees Frollo kill Esmeralda and then flings him off the tower. Quasimodo escapes Notre Dame but later his skeleton is found hanging from the rafters in a repository of executed criminals.

Man, Sarah Jessica Parker sure is ugly.

What a story, they should make it into a book!

Maxim Releases Its Unsexy List

Maxim unleashed it's Top 5 Unsexiest Women, and topping the list was none other than Sarah Jessica Parker. Here is most of the article, so you don't need to follow the link:

''How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with 'sex' in the title?'' the magazine said. In the runner-up position is the beehived singer Amy Winehouse, because of her ''openly haemorrhaging translucent skin, rat's nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats.''

On the small screen, Grey's Anatomy star Sandra Oh came third and Madonna, ''with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull'', was fourth,
Britney Spears, took last place in the Unsexy 5.

''Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs.

"Since then, she's lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of ... pudge.''

When did Maxim become unfunny? I could have sworn Maxim use to be funny. When did they start hiring lame writers with zero sense of funny? I'm not sure who the little bitch is that wrote that article, but he deserves to be unemployed.

Not funny.

Sarah Jessica Parker Isn't Getting Prettier

Sure, Grandma, I think your dress is swell!

Even though I didn't think it was possible for Sarah Jessica Parker to get any uglier, she goes ahead and pushes the envelope once again. I'd be terrified to be this gargoyles mirror. If I saw this creature walking through my town, I'd get some of the townsfolk together and we'd pick up pitchforks and bats with spikes through them and try to get this abomination back into the sewer where it came from.

Sarah Jessica Parker Unveils Her New Perfume "Covet"

Here's Sarah Jessica Parker at Macy's Herald Square, Unveiling Her New Fragrance, "Covet". Odd title for her perfume, wouldn't you say? If a perfume is suppose to be an extension of the person that's endorsing it, wouldn't it be closer to the truth if the perfume was named, "Gnarled talons". Or, "Face like a punching bag?" Let's face it, if you're coveting Sarah Jessica Parker, you've got more things to worry about than what you smell like, you should be worried more about your vision.

Sarah Jessica Parker is Gross, Hands Down

No thanks, Grandma, I'll pass on the hand-job.

What the hell did God do to Sarah Jessica Parker's hands? It's bad enough that he gave her a face like the remnants of something that was caught in a rat trap, but to go and give her hands like a corpse was just plain mean. It's as if she's trying to smuggle cooked spaghetti under her skin. By God, woman, for the sake of humanity, put on some fucking gloves. Or hockey mitts. Or don't come out when it's light out. Yikes.

Sarah Jessica Parker Has a Busted Face

When I heard that Sarah Jessica Parker has a new perfume out called "Lovely*, it made me laugh. It's kind of like OJ Simpson having a cologne called *Innocent*, or Paris Hilton having a body spray called *Not Diseased*. If someone was to tell me that Sarah Parker's face got that way because she was viciously beaten by a frying pan, then I would have to say that she looks okay. Unfortunately for her though, she wasn't the victim of random violence, that's just the way God made her. The Lord can be vengeful. And funny. You see, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. He gaveth Sarah Parker loads of money, but took away by not giving her a face like a human, but gave her a face that resembles a slab of rotting meat that rats gnaw on. Yup, that Lord, he's a laugh riot.

I got the idea and the pic for this post from Tyler Durden. I might have even taken all his jokes.