Pamela Anderson--What The Hell?

What in God's name has happened to Pamela Anderson? I thought getting fake tits, fake lips, fake hair, and Hep C was suppose to keep one looking fresh and attractive? I suppose my theory was wrong. Pamela Anderson has slowly morphed into something that resembles a product Maple Leaf foods packaged in around August 21 of this year.

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Pamela Anderson is Still Bouyant--And Diseasy

I don't know if I've ever used the word *Comical* to describe a woman's breasts before, but I can't help thinking that Pamela Anderson's breasts look like what a 13 year old pre-pubescent boy would draw on a scrap of paper to make his little giggly-assed virgin friends laugh. Even though I take a few shots at Pamela Anderson now and then (only because she's an idiot), I have to say that her breasts have withstood the test of time. And when silicon reaches $60 an ounce, she'll have the last laugh, as she'll have enough dough tied up in her left breast to buy Guyana. That's right, I said Guyana.

Thanks Drunken Stepfather!

Pamela Anderson-If At First You Don't Succeed

Reports out of Los Angeles has Pamela Anderson romantically involved with an old beau. No, it's not Kid rock again. No, it's not Scott Baio. It's that other idiot:

Pamela Anderson and rocker Tommy Lee have sparked reports they have rekindled their romance after being photographed kissing after a cosy lunch in Los Angeles.

Anderson split from Kid Rock last November after four months of marriage and has always remained close to her ex-husband Lee.

We all know that Pamela Anderson is a member of PETA. As a humanitarian and an animal lover, I am asking PETA to please let us put Pamela Anderson to sleep, it's the only humane thing to do.

I'll give you 9 reasons why Pamela went back with Tommy Lee

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock Are No More---Boo Hoo

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have filed for divorce. And the world is shocked I tells ya, shocked: Sources tell TMZ both Pam and Kid were in a race to get their papers filed first.

The process server for Kid was at the courthouse when it opened at 8:30 AM and filed five minutes later.

Pam's website offers a short statement confirming the divorce, saying "Yes, it's true. Unfortunately impossible."

I liked the idea of these two being together, it meant that they were only spreading their filthy diseases to each other. Now they are apart and Kid Rock won't be stuffing Pamela like a Thanksgiving turkey anymore, they are both free to go out into the world and infect what is left of this happy, pure planet.

That's why it's good idea to vote The Mayor on December 25. I'm completely against STD's and don't wish them upon anyone. Unlike Lisa. She's for them. She can't get enough of them and wishes them on everyone. And that's not right.

They nearly made it 4 whole months!

Pamela Anderson is Traumatized

Pamela Anderson's passion for saving the worlds animals derives from recurring childhood nightmares that haunt her to this day:

I just happened to walk into the shed behind our house on Vancouver Island a few moments after my dad had returned from a hunting trip. "I opened the door and looked up. And there, hanging upside down, was the cutest deer. Or it had been the cutest deer. Its fur and its body were really drenched in blood. "I can remember shrieking and running as fast as I could. I don't blame Dad and never will. Hunting is what men, Canadian men in particular, do. But the sight of that deer is a nightmare that has never left me."

I feel for Pamela, for I share similar recurring nightmares of a scene that is close to her own experience.

It happened when I was about eight years old. My father had been spending the day hunting in Scarborough, around the Markham and Lawrence area. I came inside from a day of playing and saw my mother and father eating baby carrots at the kitchen table. I screamed in horror, the thought of poor baby carrots being torn away from their momma's, and eaten alive made me sick to my fragile tummy. I tried to turn away but I froze like a baby carrot in the headlights, I can still see the orange skin of the poor baby carrot being torn away by my parents sharp, razor-like fangs.

To this day I still can't eat vegetables, the thought of it makes me vomit. Shit, I just vomited because I thought about it again. Damn it, I just puked again, I really have to get that image out of my mind. For the love of Christ, I can't stop barfing, this is truly disgusting. I need to settle down and...here we go again...excuse me, this is horrible, I must apologize.

I think the only thing that's going to settle me down right now is if I go cook myself up some wolf, ya, that'll do it.

I feel your pain, Pamela

Yet another Use My Computer pic

Pamela Anderson Tries to Be Smart

Pamela Anderson, who, instead of filling her mouth with STD infected has-been rock stars, decided to fill her mouth with ridiculous talking points against the Canadian seal hunt:

"I don't know how popular he is with young people (Stephen Harper,Canadian Prime Minister) but this is a great way to get popular with them because there's not one young person, I think, in Canada that agrees with the seal hunt."

It must have taken quite a while for Pamela Anderson to compile a list of every single young person in Canada and come to the conclusion that there is not one single person who agrees with the seal hunt. That my friends, is the epitome of hard work and dedication.

"I think when people think of Canadian club they should think of a good whisky, not jerks beating pups on the ice," quipped Anderson.

I'm pretty sure that when people think of Canadian Club whiskey that they aren't thinking about people beating seals to death on the ice. Mind you, after about two handfuls of whiskey I usually do think of beating seals to death on ice. As a matter of fact, I've had a few whiskeys this afternoon, and I'm seriously contemplating flying to Newfoundland and smashing in the heads of a couple dozen seal pups, mostly for shits and giggles.

The reason that no one with any functioning brain cells can possibly take Pamela Anderson seriously is because Pamela has been abusing and poisoning her own puppies with silicone and poison for years. Pamela should stick to what she knows best: Deep throating tattooed disease-filled scumbags, and showing off her fake tits. When I want to hear what Pamela Anderson thinks, I'll knock on the top of her head and ask. Until then, shut the hell up Pamela and take off your clothes.

Pamela Anderson is smart. Just kidding.

Trish Stratus Challenges Pamela Anderson

Trish Stratus, from WWE fame, has thrown down the gauntlet at Pamela Anderson's feet:

"I could totally kick Pam's ass," Stratus said yesterday.

A few words to Trish: You are about to get into a fight with someone who has more disease than Rwanda. Get vaccinated.

I suggest this fight take place in my bedroom/octagon. To make things interesting, I suggest that the floor of my bedroom/octagon be littered with thumb tacks and shards of broken glass. Death metal will be the only music played, and normal UFC rules will not apply.

The winner of this fight must actually kill the other person, but not before the two combatants engage in random acts of homosexuality. Points will awarded for style, and pictures will be taken at random.

After I take of my executioners hood, peel myself off the bed and clean up, I will stand to my feet and applaud Trish Stratus for beating Pamela Anderson to death, and declare her the winner.

Things like this are just meant to be.

Let's get ready to rumble, bitches!

Pamela Anderson marries Tommy Lee...again

I'm going to need an abacus soon to keep track of how many times this has happened, but Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are getting hitched again.

July 19, 2005 -- PAMELA Anderson is hoping her third wedding with Tommy Lee will be the charm. Lee, who has already walked down the aisle twice with Anderson popped the question again on Friday at the Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.

Although I've been married five times, I at least have the decency to never have married the same woman twice, let alone three times. Sure, I'm a glutton for punishment, but I'm not a glutton for punishment from the same broad over and over again.

I have to admit, I really like Pam Anderson, and it has nothing to do with her ginormous breasts. I'm kidding, of course it has to do with her ginormous breasts, why else would someone possibly like her, because of her acting abilities and her brain? C'mon, get real.

Most people live by the adage "once bitten, twice shy", but not Pammy, she goes by the adage "hit me once, shame on me, hit me twice, shame on me, hit me three times, shame on me".

The next time Pamela Anderson is mentioned on the pages of Mitchieville, rest assured it will be a link to the new sex video her and Tommy made that they didn't want released.