Jessica Simpson--Meat Eater

PETA had some harsh words for Jessica Simpson after the blond bombshell wore a t-shirt that said...well, you have eyes, look at the picture:

"Jessica Simpson's meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken of the sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo 'Wings' came from buffalos would benefit from some good veggie brain food."

And the debate continues. On the one hand you have a Peta--a bunch of brain-dead lunatics who want to control people's lives through taking away their choices, and on the other hand you have a beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous blonde with big tits who wants to eat meat.

Round one--Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson Doesn't Want An Orphan Child

Jessica Simpson's rep has denied reports that Jessica is interested in adopting a Mexican child from the Casa Hogar Elim orphanage, the same orphanage that her Minister father had been taking Jessica since she was a little child:

In a recent interview with Self magazine, Simpson was quoted as saying, "The first time I went to that orphanage I was 16. I remember holding this baby who was found in a dumpster. I wanted to adopt him right then and there... I want to adopt before I actually have my own kids."

However, Simpson's spokeswoman Lauren Auslander tells website TheCelebrityTruth.com, "This is not true. She supports an orphanage in Mexico, but she has no plans to adopt a baby at the time."

You see, Jessica Simpson is not adopting a Mexican child because Jessica Simpson is an old fashioned girl who wants to do things the old fashioned way. When it comes to getting pregnant, the old fashioned way is this: Some guy will drop a roofie in her pina colada, she's going to pass out and wake up pregnant. Nine months later a baby will pass through her vagina and that child will look strikingly similar to me. Of course, it can't be my child, for I am in Australia.

The child will be incredibly well-hung though

Jessica Simpson--What Went Wrong?

Do you remember the good old days when The Mayor use to wax poetical about Jessica Simpson, telling whoever would listen that she is one of the most beautiful women in the universe? Do you remember how I use to shout from the mountain top that Jessica Simpson is probably the most bangable women in the world? Do you have any idea how I felt when I learned that I was wasting 20cc of the finest man-yogurt every third day, pleasuring myself to someone who it turns out is actually a Malaysian post-op tranny man-boy?

Dirty? I just washed my eyeballs with sulfuric acid.

Let's Talk Some More About Jessica Simpson's Breasts

Discussing Jessica Simpson's breasts never gets old, at least to me. I'm sure you're sick and tired of coming to this site and always seeing pictures of Jessica Simpson and her magnificent breasts. Sorry, you'll just have to suck it up...the posts I mean, not Jessica's breasts. Perverts.

The blonde babe said: "If I have kids, and they're hanging to my waist, that's when I might start to think about having something done to them."

She added: "Right now, they're perky and cute."

Perky and cute are not the two proper adjectives when describing Jessica's globes. Earth-shattering and mind-numbing, for sure, but certainly not perky and cute. Perky and cute is reserved for people named Mindy from home-ec.

It doesn't matter a whit, as long as the conversation never strays too far away from Jessica's breasts, I know that the world is still a decent place to live in. When we as a society stop talking and noticing something so incredibly delicious, then that means the terrorists have won, and I don't want to live in that kind of world.

Are you with me?

Face it, it's better than talking about Richard Simmons. Right?

Another Use My Computer pic (if Use My Computer doesn't link me soon, I'm going to stop stealing their bandwidth. That'll teach 'em!).

The Three Stoogettes Do Jessica

Here's a quick article by three women named Kiki King, Eva Simpson & Caroline Hedley:

GOOD job Jessica Simpson's got beauty because she's deeply challenged in the brains department.

The bimbette, who's been tipped to star in the upcoming Baywatch movie, bumped into Pamela Anderson last week and stunned her by asking: "How did you guys run so slowly in the show's opening scene. You know, where you're running down the beach?"

Pam, 38, who played the original CJ, was rendered speechless but after an awkward silence, patiently explained: "It was shot in slow motion." She even resisted the urge to add "Duh!"

First off, it comes across as funny to me that two bitches named *Kiki* and *Eva* have the nerve to call JESSICA SIMPSON a bimbette. I'd bet my right testicle that these three sperm depositories have seen more meat than an IGA deli.

They state that Jessica Simpson is deeply challenged in the brains department, yet it takes three of these Einsteins to write a 60 word article. Most likely the tagteam goes like this: One types, one talks, the other one fucks a baseball team.

Note to Kiki, Eva and Moe: Take a good look at yourself in the mirror, you're fucking disgraceful. Jessica Simpson's morning dump is classier and more beautiful than the three of you ditch-pigs put together, so shut those festering gobholes and talk about something you know about...like shoes, or blowjobs.

Bitches.

I'm actually in a real good mood

Jessica Simpson--The Redhead

You know what they say, once you go red, you never go back. Or something like that:

"It's a wig!" she told Kevin on the red carpet. "I put eyeshadow on the blonde to hide it."

In fact, the wig is part of Jessica's new hairpiece line coming out soon, as reported by "The Insider"'s own MARC MALKIN on March 21.

I'm not saying that I like the new look, but shoot me in the face if I haven't squirted three times in the last seven minutes.

Baby looks good whatever she wears, I'd go as far to say that even if Jessica Simpson was completely naked, she'd probably still look good.

Hehe, I squirted again.

Juliet sent me the pic and the article, therefore, she gets the keys to The Manor

Jessica Simpson loves to scrub my floors

"Well, Mr. Mayor, you've beaten me 25 straight times in backgammon, it looks like I lose and you win, so now I'll have to live up to our bet and wash The Manor in my underwear"

"Enough talkie, Jessica, more workie"

"Now, I want those floors scrubbed clean, put a little elbow grease into it"

"Nick never made me work like this"

"Nick's not normal. Never mind about that pylon, you're with The Mayor now"

"Nick's nor..."

"Shhhhhhhh, more scrubie, less talkie"

"But my hands are bleeding and my back is sore"

"Less complainie, more slavie"

"When am I going to get a break?"

"Do you think you're in a union? Listen, Jessica, I can always get that troll of a sister of yours to scrub my floors, you know she's more than willing"

"I'm sorry, I won't talk again. Do you mind if I remove these little underwears of mine? I'm very hot"

"Only if it means you'll finally shut that trap of yours. God damn it's hard to find good help these days"

Jessica Simpson is the Breast...I mean, *Best*

According to a Touch Weekly poll, (touch weekly pole, that's funny) Jessica Simpson has the *best cleavage* in Hollyweird:

The publication coos, "With a pair of perfect double Ds, Jessica sets the standard for busty bombshells."

Simpson, who admits she once felt ashamed of her healthy helping, has been placed ahead of CARMEN ELECTRA, SALMA HAYEK and HALLE BERRY in the poll.

I agree. I find this poll to be 100% accurate. There is just no denying that Jessican Simpson has the best cleavage in Hollyweird. For sure.

This part of the poll was pretty creepy though:

A pleasantly surprising entrant is veteran actress SUSAN SARANDON who, at the age of 59, is the only star over 50 to make the list.

Pleasantly surprising? How about pretty frickin' demented and wrong.

There is not a chance in HELL that Susan Effin' Sarandon has better cleavage than Jessica Alba, or anybody for that matter. That's completely laughable. Susan Sarandon? I have crumpled up sandwich bags that are in better shape than Susan Sarandon. I don't mind when coffee shops give seniors 10% off their coffee in the morning, but putting them on best cleavage lists is plain wrong.

Susan Sarandon might be the geriatric poster hag for men that use Poly-Grip, but anyone under the age of death thinks that Susan Sarandon should be standing in a field scaring crows away. She always looks so disheveled, like someone was shaking her violently for the last 2 hours. I've seen better looking bodies being pulled out of icy lakes.

Susan Sarandon? Puhleeeease, I'd rather look at Estelle Getty.

For more Hollyweird Gossip and pics, visit the Mitch and Famous

Have a boo at more Jessica Simpson pics and articles:

Let's Talk Some More About Jessica Simpson's Breasts
A Jessica Simpson's Double-Banger
The Three Stoogettes Do Jessica
Jessica Simpson--The Redhead--Great pic
Kevin Federline and Jessica Simpson?
Jessica Simpson loves to scrub my floors--Great pic
Jessica Simpson #8

What a beautiful pic of Jessica Simpson, truly gorgeous. *Click to enlarge*

VOTE Mitchieville for Breast Canadian Blog

Jessica Simpson #8

Many of you might not agree that Jessica Simpson should make The Mayor's top 10 sexiest women in the world list. Many of you might be stunned at my pick and think that Jessica Simpson is just far too generic. To this I respond by saying that you negative Nellies are all on drugs.

Look at her, damn you. Jessica Simpson is absolutely stunning. She is perfect in every way. Every nook and cranny of Jessica's body is so flawless that it actually defies description. Yet I'm going to give it the old College try anyway.

Let's start from the bottom and work our way up so you can see what I'm thinking. Take a hard close look at her legs. Have you ever seen a set of gams like that before in your life? Of course you haven't, if you said that you had, I would spit in your face and call you a filthy liar, cuz that's what you would be. If I was going to be squeezed to death, I'd pray to the Lord that it would be by Jessica's legs. No one on this planet has legs as shapely as Jessica's, no one.

She has a completely rock hard tummy, a personal fave of The Mayor. It's flat, it's so Saskatchewan that it makes me ill. And when I say ill, I mean turned on.

I'm not going to be rude and mention anything about her breasts, let's just say that they are in fact real, and that anyone who even looks at them has been blessed. Perfect.

Jessica Simpson has a face that I could kiss all night. Angels are nothing more than dirt pigs when you compare them to my doll Jessica. Her face could light up New York, she's sparkling, adorable, sensational, an absolutely beautiful specimen.

Jessica Simpson has no body fat. None. Zero. Ziltch. Nada. Yet, she is stacked in all the right places, perfectly stacked I might add. Her arms, her neck, her back, all perfect. Her hair, her feet, her ears, her bowels, all perfect. I'm sure even her liver is perfect.

Now let's flip her over, shall we?

I watched a show that Jessica Simpson was on a few weeks ago, and when she walked off the set I wasn't sure if her ass was wiggling or her butt was chewing Chicklet's. You could certainly bounce quarters of those cheeks. If there's any woman with a more beautiful ass in all the world, The Mayor hasn't seen it. And believe me when I say, I've seen every female ass in the world, twice.

I love her, I'm not afraid to say it. I'm proud that she made my top ten list, she passed with flying colours. If there's one thing in life that I'm certain about, is that one day I will meet Jessica Simpson, and that we are going to have children together. We already have, in my mind.

Those boots are indeed made for walking

The guy that runs the website The Superficial said that he orgasmed twenty-seven times in three minutes while watching the Jessica Simpson Video "These boots are made for walking". I clicked on the link at his site and watched the video for myself, and all I have to say is, twenty-seven times is nothing, try thirty four times, buddy.

Go to the Superficial and click and click and click and breath and breath and sweat and....