Jessica Simpson #8

Many of you might not agree that Jessica Simpson should make The Mayor's top 10 sexiest women in the world list. Many of you might be stunned at my pick and think that Jessica Simpson is just far too generic. To this I respond by saying that you negative Nellies are all on drugs.

Look at her, damn you. Jessica Simpson is absolutely stunning. She is perfect in every way. Every nook and cranny of Jessica's body is so flawless that it actually defies description. Yet I'm going to give it the old College try anyway.

Let's start from the bottom and work our way up so you can see what I'm thinking. Take a hard close look at her legs. Have you ever seen a set of gams like that before in your life? Of course you haven't, if you said that you had, I would spit in your face and call you a filthy liar, cuz that's what you would be. If I was going to be squeezed to death, I'd pray to the Lord that it would be by Jessica's legs. No one on this planet has legs as shapely as Jessica's, no one.

She has a completely rock hard tummy, a personal fave of The Mayor. It's flat, it's so Saskatchewan that it makes me ill. And when I say ill, I mean turned on.

I'm not going to be rude and mention anything about her breasts, let's just say that they are in fact real, and that anyone who even looks at them has been blessed. Perfect.

Jessica Simpson has a face that I could kiss all night. Angels are nothing more than dirt pigs when you compare them to my doll Jessica. Her face could light up New York, she's sparkling, adorable, sensational, an absolutely beautiful specimen.

Jessica Simpson has no body fat. None. Zero. Ziltch. Nada. Yet, she is stacked in all the right places, perfectly stacked I might add. Her arms, her neck, her back, all perfect. Her hair, her feet, her ears, her bowels, all perfect. I'm sure even her liver is perfect.

Now let's flip her over, shall we?

I watched a show that Jessica Simpson was on a few weeks ago, and when she walked off the set I wasn't sure if her ass was wiggling or her butt was chewing Chicklet's. You could certainly bounce quarters of those cheeks. If there's any woman with a more beautiful ass in all the world, The Mayor hasn't seen it. And believe me when I say, I've seen every female ass in the world, twice.

I love her, I'm not afraid to say it. I'm proud that she made my top ten list, she passed with flying colours. If there's one thing in life that I'm certain about, is that one day I will meet Jessica Simpson, and that we are going to have children together. We already have, in my mind.