Mugshot Of The Week

If you are wondering why Carly Mae Noble has that expression on her face, I would think it's because she just saw her 250lb bull-dyke cellmate for the first time. It's the expression one would get (I suppose) when they know they are mere hours away from having their anus stretched to the size of a manhole. Or, in this case, a femalehole. Which, is a vagina.

Do you see what I did there? That's pretty fucking witty considering the God-awful time it is.

Mugshot Of The Week

Anthony Flynn is a proud Halfrican American. Halfrican Americans are a growing segment of America's society, and should be treated with dignity and respect. You can easily spot an Halfrican American by their unique hair style: The Half Bro-Fro. The Half Bro-Fro is a hairstyle that consists of half a head of cornrows and half a head of cat.

Unfortunately, Anthony Flynn is ruining the reputation of Halfrican Americans by participating in dubious events, therefore, to distinguish themselves from false Halfrican Americans, the Halfrican American Society For Tolerance & Understanding have dedicated a new name to the hairstyle that Anthony Flynn sports: The Halfrican American Half Bro-Fro Half Cornrow For Total Cornholes.

This was an exhausting post that was hardly worth the end result.

Mugshot Of The Week

If you ever have to do any time in prison, one thing to remember is that it is essential to establish cred. This cred I am talking about is actually an abbreviation of *credibility*. It's essential to establish cred because if you don't you will get pushed around, disrespected, and become a bunk muffin by large men named LeShawn.

The best way to establish cred is to either find a big guy on the range and punch him in the head until his face looks like a thrown-up bowl of Alpo, or, shiv someone repeatedly. Both work, because you will forever be known as a psycho, like Heather Mallick, and no one in the world, likes or trusts a psycho.

Having said that, the character in the picture took psycho up a level and has already established prison cred without ever having to throw a punch or stab a thief. If wearing underwear around your neck doesn't give you immediate psycho prison cred, that bizarre tuft of hair held together by a lacy hairband certainly will. That shit works better than walking around the range with a pantload of poo while singing Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head in a falsetto voice. You're just going to have to trust me on that one.

Mugshot Of The Week

Considering Thomas R Legg was abducted by aliens not long ago and had his brain sucked out of his skull, I have to say he looks not too bad. While looking at his mugshot, I came up with an idea that I'm sure would make a lot of money. Thomas R Legg is wearing a neck brace, but in its current form doesn't look overly fashionable. If the neck brace was designed with a cow print on it, or even some other form of artistic print, all of a sudden everyone would want a neck brace. We would have people purposely breaking their necks just for the chance to wear a cool animal skin neck brace. You know I'm on to something, and you have my permission to run with my idea royalty free. Go on, enjoy all your newfound mad cash.

Mugshot Of The Week

Don't laugh, Bambi's can be just as vicious as Bubba's. They're just an awful lot cuter and most likely smell of vanilla. I'm not sure what Bambi was charged with, but I'm sure she wasn't charged with not giving the lowest price, because that's the law of K-Mart. Although K-Mart has a lowest price law, I'm pretty sure that outside of any K-Mart that law is not enforceable. Although who knows, K-Mart is a pretty powerful corporation. Bambi though, it's pretty safe to assume that whatever she did wasn't major--like murder or rape. By the snide look on Bambi's face, I would think that she probably assaulted another girl, most likely because the other girl made fun of her hair or fashion sense. Then Bambi hit her, jumped on top of her and grabbed bitch's' hair and the two of them tussled until their tops ripped open and their pert breasts sprung out. From there things degenerated quickly, but if you want to see the video evidence, Timmy for Audio Video has the whole thing on tape, and for $19.99 it can be yours.

$19.99? Suck me sideways, that really is a low price!

Mugshot Of The Week

When the po po finally come for me, I'm going to be just like Hazel Cox. I'll be there with my colourful extensions or bright dreds and I'll be all like, "why you po po all getting up in my grill? Dayum, I'm not a biddy biddy may!"

I intend for that to be my last stand. Sure, no one will have understood anything I said, and my last words will have been rendered useless, but I'll still be looking fashionable in my colourful extensions or bright dreds--just like Hazel Cox.

Mugshot Of The Week

Virginia Gambriel, 61, was arrested and charged Tuesday with two counts of felony child endangerment over living conditions in which her children were subjected to. Described by police as "an unbelievable scene", Gambriel's property was raided last week and over 360 animals were found roaming the property:

Six children, ages 1 to 11, also had been living in what authorities described as an unbelievable scene: 12 to 15 house trailers stacked to the ceilings with junk, trash and debris, crawling with cockroaches. The only water source was a bunch of garden hoses strung together.

"These homes are not fit for anyone to live in," human or animal, Polk County Sheriff Steve Bruce said.

The 363 animals include more than 70 dogs and more than three dozen cats, plus donkeys, rabbits, ducks, chickens, and exotic fish. The Humane Society of Missouri and Polk County also found 12 to 15 dead rabbits, dogs, cats, and poultry.

Typically, this is about the time where I lay into the accused and relentlessly make fun of them. I'm not going to do that with this lady though. There are two reasons why I am not: firstly--I believe she is mentally ill, and I try not to make it a habit to pick the low hanging fruit. Secondly--I have a gut feeling that if she ever found out I made fun of her, she would find me and give me the same treatment as those two poor bastards got in Deliverance. You see, if I ever heard the words, "He's got a purdy mouth don't he?", I'd most likely shit my pants and cry like a baby. And that's unbecoming of The Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World.

Animal farm

Mugshot Of The Week

Officially, Lydia Marks was arrested for possession of a controled substance. Unofficially, Lydia Marks was taken in because of her brutal use of a tweezer. If what this woman did to her eyebrows was on purpose, then she needs psychological help. However, I think I know why she scalped her face. She was probably high on meth when she pulled out the tweezers and decided to pull one or two wayward hairs out of her eyebrows. Plucking eyebrow hair is like eating Doritos, it's hard to stop at 1. Before you know it, Lydia is looking in the mirror and doesn't recognize the bald eyebrow creature staring back. That's a hard but important lesson for Lydia to learn: Meth and tweezers don't mix. The people that get hurt the most are the viewing audience at Mitchieville that woke up this morning and had to stare straight down the tube at a hairless eyebrow gargoyle. Poor bastards, they didn't even see it coming.

Mugshot Of The Week

It's about time they put Fabio behind bars. Now they should round up all the Harlequin Romances and burn them too (I can help with that). Actually, I'm wrong, this isn't Fabio, it's one Dennis Volpicelli. I'm not entirely sure why he has been arrested, but maybe in the state of New York mullets are illegal. I suppose that would be upstate New York. No matter, this guy and his hair are dangerous, you should avoid him at all costs.

Mugshot Of The Week

It's not a crime to be super good looking, so I know Linda Nudi (no shit) wasn't charged with that. It's not a crime to be unkempt or smelly, for if it was we would have to build a giant wall around Scarborough and Brampton. It's not even against the law to be a fashion basketcase, so Linda is off the hook again. It is however, against the law to steal cars, and for that Linda Nudi (no shit) is guilty as original sin.

Mugshot Of The Week

I don't have any information on what this woman did, but since she has red hair, I can only guess that what she did bordered on insanity. Any guy that has ever dated a redhead will know exactly when I mean. Sure, they look all pretty and respectable on the outside, but inside they are like a volcano. They may be dormant now, but at any time they could erupt, and when that happens, you are dead.

As I said, I'm not sure of the crime perpetrated by this smiling maniac, but I'll bet dollars to donuts that it involves punching, kicking, slapping, biting, shooting, stabbing, or a combination of all of the above.

**This post would be a lot better if Blogspot would just show the picture--man, I LOVE technical difficulties

Mugshot Of The Week

I knew it was just a matter of time before the po po arrested Peter Griffin. Freakin' sweet.

Mugshot Of The Week

Robert Lee Marcum is an arsonist. That is his job. He was charged with arson and spent many a night in the clink for doing nothing more than performing his job. As you can see, he got injured on the job, yet has received no Workers Compensation pay to date. That is the real injustice here. Were his clothes CSA approved? Were they flame retardant? Was the lighter he was using a faulty BIC? Were the manuals for lighting houses on fire in English and French. There are so many questions and so few answers.

Let us fight for Robert Lee Marcum, let us fight for justice.

No justice, no peace!

Mugshot Of The Week

This is a story and lesson on how looks can be deceiving. Betty Johnson Neumar looks like a typical old person--sweet and short, mostly wrinkly and a pretty bad dresser. While she may be short, wrinkly and a fashion abomination, she certainly isn't sweet.

The 76 year old Betty Johnson Neumar was charged with hiring a hit man to off her last husband. Now it seems, the families of her previous four husbands are coming forward, wondering if Betty was responsible for their untimely demise. According to various articles, they may be on to something.

What have we learned today? We learned that although old people look innocent and sweet, the majority of them are cold-blooded, ruthless killers with no conscience. It is in society's best interest to exterminate the elderly before they kill again.

The other thing I learned is that even though Betty Johnson Neumar is a GILF, I'm taking her off my fantasy list as a safety precaution.

Mark Nicodemo sent me this article, mostly because he cares

Mugshot Of The Week

If I was told that the unit in the picture was arrested for assault or murder or some other nefarious crime, I would not believe it. Any man who sports green hair and an orange shirt can only be capable of committing so many types of crimes. Like stealing gumdrops and penny candy from a mom and pop candy store in order to give them away to orphans of train crashes. Or forgetting to point when at a crosswalk. The worst thing I could see him doing is not returning a book (a picture book) to the library.

If I happen to hear that this man was convicted of anything else than that, I intend on sending a sharply worded letter to the proper authorities.

I want justice, and I want it now!

Mugshot Of The Week

When viewing a member of the opposite sex, different people notice different things first. For instance, the first time you meet a man/woman, you might notice their eyes first, many folks are considered eye people. Other people may notice the persons complexion, while others may notice, and/or be attracted to the persons laugh. As for me, the first thing I notice in a person is their smile.

That's why I am so intrigued by Loquisha, the muggy in the picture. Loquisha really lights up a room, until she closes her mouth, then the room goes dark again. Loquisha speaks through her smile, you can tell the different moods she's in just by how many fangs she exposes. In the picture shown, you can tell Loquisha is craving a falafel by the way she has exposed her third molar. If it was just her second molar exposed, then we could assume she's just craving a bowl of grits and a smoke.

I'm not sure why Loquisha was arrested, I have no idea what her crime was. But I think I can speak for everyone when I say that Loquisha's biggest crime to date is being so darn beautiful.

(that is a chick, right?

Mugshot Of The Week

I often wonder if people like this actually buy into what their shirt says. Like, I'm curious if this woman looked into the mirror before she went out drinking on a Friday night and thought that the chances of her scoring a man were so good that she would have no problem wearing the Aspirin/pants/sexual overtones shirt. I can't help but think that a woman like this would be living in a world that is void of any reality. For instance, when we see a woman like this, we see a creature--someone who looks like she was attacked by Canada Geese. Where as, when this woman looks at herself in the mirror, she sees a sexy, uninhibited, hump-machine that men cannot resist.

My thoughts are jumbled, I'm not making the point I set out to make. I suppose this woman is having an affect on me, something I can't describe.

Oh Lord, excuse me for a minute as I go punch my cock.

Mugshot Of The Week

I'm pretty sure this is what you get when you cross Tyra Banks and James Brown.

I'm sure having long, flowing locks like the perp in question has, will pay dividends when he's bunked under Bubba the Anus Detroyer. From what I hear, Bubba likes a little hair to pull while getting his smooth on.

Tyra Brown, or James Banks, or whatever you call yourself, you are one lucky guy!

Mugshot Of The Week

From the look of it, police have arrested yet another French waiter this week. How do I know he's French? Sources tell me when this cat was arrested, he pulled out a steak knife and challenged the arresting officer to a duel.

Maybe I'm being unfair to the French. Maybe I'm being unfair to waiters. Perhaps I'm being unfair to Fencing and Dueling. I might have been a slight bit unfair to steak knives. Having said that, I do know one thing for certain: When this guy goes to jail, inmates are going to tear him open faster than a Frenchman on a croissant on a warm summers morning on the shores of the Toulon.

Mugshot Of The Week

No, the police didn't arrest Mike Score from A Flock of Seagulls, settle down you 80's junkie.

This is just some random fella who committed a random crime, and now he'll get a random sentence, thrown into a random jail where random large men will perform random disgusting sexual acts on him and his crazy hair.

I don't really have anything more to add other than this guy really does have some serious hair. I'm sure that will come in handy when he's the bunk muffin to a man named Bubba.