Sherri Shepherd Eats Beats Her Children

Blabbering on The Phew yesterday, resident idiot, Sheri Shepherd, told a shopping experience story that is sure to amaze and delight you:

Sherri Shepherd discussed taking her two-year-old son Jeffrey to a toy store that was having a sale instead of giving him a nap. She described the store, Giggle, as "a rich white folks' store."

What distinguishes a "rich white folks' store" from any other store? For Sherri, it's the inability to physically discipline her screaming child. Jeffrey was crying as they shopped for toys, but Sherri told the panel that, because she felt guilty about bringing him to the store instead of letting him nap, "I couldn't do what I normally would have done. Plus the people [were] looking at me like, this wasn't a store that looked like they beat the kids. So I had to do as the Romans do when I was in the Roman store."

As for the rest of the panel, they cackled and cackled until a droplet of blood dripped out their eye-hole.

Honestly, judging by the panels' reaction, this was the funniest thing that they have ever heard. I'm not sure I get the joke, but from what I make of it, when black people are in a racially mixed store, that may or may not include Caucasians, they feel at ease when beating the living shit out of their child. However, when black people somehow make it by the armed guards and get into a "White store", they have to refrain from beating the snot out of their kids.

Hey, that is pretty funny, Sherri Shepherd is not only the village idiot, but she's a child abuser, too. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I get it now.

Would you like to see the video?

Next--Woman gets two days in jail for murder of husband

And--Carmen Electra is looking like a dogs breakfast

The Phew's Sherri Sheppard Is Smart

This is major league hard viewing. Not from the sense that 4/5 panelists look like something my cat just coughed up, but because of the answer Sherri Sheppard gives to Whoopi Goldberg's question of, "Is the world flat?"

The Phew is actually starting to diversify. Now they have three liberals, one Conservative and a retard.

Barry Manilow Hates Conservatives

Barry Manilow cancelled his appearance on The View today because he didn't want to be on the same stage with Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the shows only Conservative:

"It's really too bad, because I've always been a big supporter of the show, but I cannot compromise my beliefs.

"I strongly disagree with her views. I think she's dangerous and offensive. I will not be on the same stage as her."

Imagine how weak a person must be if they can't defend themselves against a pylon like Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

If Barry Manilow was in any way important I would be offended right now. Fortunately, he was discarded into the dustbin reserved for freakish looking clowns and scary stuffed animals long ago. In fact, before I read this article I thought he was dead. In a way, he is.

It's pretty hard to believe that in this day and age there are still people who think opposing and contrary views to their own are *dangerous* and *offensive*. That speaks volumes about what a little intolerant gnome Barry Manilow really is. In reality, the only offensive thing is Barry Manilow and that creepy fucking head he's lugging around. He might want to get that thing lanced.

Barry Manilow, are you sure he isn't dead?

The View Welcomes Sherri Shepherd

Barbara Walters will officially announce next Monday that the newest member of the cackling bitches The View, is none other than Sherri Shepherd:

Shepherd, who achieved moderate fame with a long-running stint on ABC's Less Than Perfect, as well as roles on The Jamie Foxx Show and the recent big-screen bomb Who's Your Caddy?, will fill the spot vacated by Star Jones Reynolds more than a year ago, marking the first time since spring 2006 that the chatfest will be able to boast a full fivesome at the table.

A fivesome? Hell, with this broad at the table, you can pretty well make it a two-hundredsome.

I'm not actually sure who this Sherri Shepherd unit is, but I do know one thing: I'm about to make a string of fat jokes at her expense.

When I look at that stomach she's dragging around, I'm not sure whether I should read to it or play it classical music. Thank you. The animal print jacket is a real nice touch, although I suggest she stick to a more natural elephant grey next time. Thank you. A chick like that couldn't even do it doggie style, although I hear she's really good at doing it beluga style. Thank you. If she wants to make a few extra dollars, she might want to consider renting out her belly button hole to an Olympic swimming team. Thank you.

**I now realize that this chick might be pregnant, therefore, please disregard 3/5 jokes about her hugeness--or she may not be pregnant. Inthat case, feel free to openly laugh at her

She's gonna be BIG fun!

Whoopi Goldberg Defends Michael Vick

Whoopi Goldberg's first day on the job at The View was a memorable one, as the actress/pylon defended Michael Vick and his dog fighting antics:

"You know from his background this is not an unusual thing for where he comes from," said Goldberg.

"There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of our country."

Co-host Joy Behar seemed shocked at Goldberg's statements.

"How about dog torture and dog murdering," Behar asked.

"Unfortunately it's part of the thing," Goldberg replied.

"You're a dog lover. For a lot of people dogs are sport," she added.

"This is part of his cultural upbringing," said Goldberg.

But Goldberg continued to defend Vick saying "This is a kid who comes from a culture when this is not questioned."

Although what Whoopi said may sound disgusting, maybe it's true. Maybe murdering animals is a cultural thing in the black south, maybe killing dogs really is a sport where Vick grew up.

Now, I'm assuming Vick grew up in a heavily black area in the south, just because his cohorts in crime are all black and Whoopi seems to know about black southern culture. What does that tell you then? What kind of insight did Whoopi give America this morning?

Well, if what Whoopi said is true, and this is a cultural thing, then that means that many black Americans from the southern states put a value on an animals life at zero. Whether dogs die by a beating, a burning, thrown from a bridge, strangled, lit on fire, it can all be explained away as normal, typical black behaviour because it's a cultural thing. Yes, normal.

I'm sure you can enlighten me as to what else this means, I'm curious what your take is on this.

Defending the indefensible

Rosie O'Donnell and Kelly Ripa Make Nice

Rosie *3 Big Macs and 2 large fries* O'Donnell and Kelly Ripa have reconciled after Rosie got very upset at a comment Kelly made to Clay Aiken a few days ago on Live With Regis and Kelly:

Ripa called in to the ABC daytime talk show after co-host O'Donnell accused her of making a homophobic comment to Clay Aiken, a guest host on "Live With Regis and Kelly."

Aiken covered Ripa's mouth with his hand during an interview on Friday's show. Ripa, 36, pushed his hand away.

"Oh, I'm in trouble," said the 27-year-old "American Idol" star, to which Ripa responded, "No, I just don't I don't know where that hand's been, honey."

O'Donnell said Tuesday on "The View": "If that was a straight man, if that was a cute man, if that was a guy that she didn't question his sexuality, she would have said a different thing."

Ripa said Rosie misunderstood, that all she meant was that Clay was shaking hands with everyone in sight and since it is cold and flu season, she might come down with a cold. Or some shit like that.

Keep this in mind: Clay Aikens has never said that he is gay, it has only been implied. Rosie O'Donnell is assuming Kelly Ripa made a homonormative remark because Clay is gay. Rosie O'Donnell assumes Clay Aikens is gay and based her remarks on his alleged homosexuality. That is wrong, Rosie is a real bitch for doing that. Jumping to conclusions is a dangerous thing to do, careers can be ruined, PEOPLE can be ruined, all because she decided to take the high road, which at best is laughable considering who we're talking about here.

Rosie's remarks reek of hypocrisy. Rosie O'Donnell reeks of fish. She needs to apologize not only to Kelly Ripa for calling her a homophobe, which Rosie certainly did by saying Kelly wouldn't have said that comment to a cute, straight guy (which Clay just might be), but she needs to apologize to Clay Aikens for calling him a fag (which he may or may not be). Then Rosie O'Donnell needs to spontaneously combust so the world doesn't need to look at her disgusting, bigoted, hypocritical, twisted buttaface ever again.

Things are certainly not Rosie in Rosieland

Star Jones is Brilliant

Star Jones seems to have figured out how to stop terrorism and make the world a better place, and for once it doesn't start with the words, "I'll have 2 Big Macs, super-sized fries, a large Coke, and an apple pie":

Yesterday, the co-host of "The View" told viewers that the war on terror was nothing more than a clash of male egos between President Bush and Osama bin Laden.

"You know what? At some point, one of these men has to put it back in his pants and zip up the zipper," she said during a discussion of bin Laden's latest audio tape

She even suggested that Bush hold some kind of talk with the man behind 9/11.

"I won't trust him, but anything that gives me the opportunity to seek peace, I would at least check it out.

"People make deals with the devil all the time. We make deals with people we don't like," she said during the show's opening segment.

I do think you figure out when there is a solution that's diplomatic that doesn't result in [loss of] human life.

"What do we have to lose to check it out?" Star said.

Why this woman isn't the President, I'll never know.

I have to apologize to Star Jones, there's more to her than meets the eye. I always thought that Star Jones was nothing more than a brain-dead, mouthy hag, who, when speaks, sounds like a ridiculous cretin deserving of 500 lashes of a razor tipped flogging device. Now I see that she's just another typical Hollyweird genius. My bad.

You go girl, far, far away (required registration)