Sharing is Caring

It is a sad day here in Toronto, the city of Light. Somewhere out there, someone is agitating for more social spending using the example of the horrors of Hurricane Katrina. Who can forget the stories about the war atrocities committed by archfiend George Bush and the heteronormative establishment upon our most vulnerable citizens: illegal immigrants, criminals, the unemployable, and the emotionally ill.

And what if a disaster happens again? And what if that disaster strikes Toronto? You just know that the same thing will happen here that happened there * * * . You know the racist heteronormatives are just waiting for this to occur * .

So, lets spend money to pre-evacuate our most vulnerable village peoples to a place where they are less likely to be victimized by both disaster and disaster relief efforts. That place is a place that is far from large bodies of water, isolated from communities of racist white folks, and conveniently served by social services, health care, food banks, and a vibrant cycling sub-culture!

That place would be an abandoned mining city in Northern Ontario. And that is where we should send our most vulnerable people, before they can be offended by a racist disaster relief effort. So, let us call this social paradise No Dad City * ,(but not in the bad way that No Dad City used to mean, but in the good way that distances itself from the implications of fatherless bastards running around, turning into feral primates who piss on the subway, smear shit on the walls, and rape anything smaller than themselves if either unsupervised or unleashed). Yes, No Dad City is the socialist paradise where we shall send Toronto’s most vulnerable citizens!

No Dad City would have a hospital, a community center, and housing for social workers * . Because the place is a modern village, there are few cars. People get around on foot, or with a bicycle. This is good!

To protect our most vulnerable village peoples from marauding bands of gun toting white supremacists, their housing would be surrounded by a barbed wire fence. Entry and exit to No Dad City would be through gates guarded by activist cadre, making sure that no evil heteronormative people enter the place of safety. To combat obesity, free food would be available at communal cafeterias. A perfect caloric diet would be provided, one free of peanuts, meat, salt, and pretty much anything that offends anybody at any time. To combat capitalism, happy villagers of No Dad City would no longer need money. All of their needs are provided for, according to their need: they get food from the food bank, entertainment from the CBC, water from the tap, and activities from their activist social workers.

Here in No Dad City, there will be no crime. There will be no crime because all the things that cause crime will be gone: there will be nobody with a job because people with jobs makes people without jobs feel valueless. There will be nobody with extravagant possessions, like a car, or leather or furs, or anything but cheap consumer goods, because rewarding effort makes those who do not make an effort feel oppressed. There will be nobody with a means of survival that is independent of The Government of Canada. Where you live, what you eat, and what programs you can take for your climb towards the impossible goal of independence, will all be decided for you by some cabal of social workers. Here will be found the peace and contentment of the collective.

Critics of this progressive plan will say that the removal of all those unemployed and unemployable village peoples will somehow hurt the economy of Toronto, the city of Light. Not so! The unemployed and the unemployable do not have jobs! Their only needs are food, entertainment, and counselling! Their absence from the city will reduce the work load of our public transit and police forces. Without poverty based defilement of public goods and places, there will be more money available for improvements to public transit, the road network, sewers and fresh water delivery. Schools can focus on mathematics, science, and the arts, rather than a bunch of teachers running around with nets trying to catch students who bite.

Let us get behind this project, shall we? Send me your money.

I, Fenris Badwulf, a caring person, wrote this at the usual places: Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, and TheStormyDaysOfMarch