The Only Solution is Lisa

Yesterday was a very busy day for my campaign. After hours of door knocking, I visited the many homeless shelters in our city. I reminded the residents that they too could vote in the upcoming election, even though they do not have a fixed address and many of the downtrodden are without ID. When asked how this was possible, I informed them that they simply needed to visit a polling booth in the district their shelter was located in and if they didn't have ID, they could get one of their friends to vouch for them. I also gave a cooking demonstration and showed the poor people Lisa's Kitchen, and promised to upgrade their prune mush ration. When you are in the business of other's people's money, there is no end to the good you can do.

Later on in the day, I toured the local branch libraries to promote *BITCH*. Leslie, the new Minister of Religious Affairs, was kind enough to take time out from her busy schedule to help out. We distributed literature and gained some new recruits.

Tireless though I am, I was very tired at the end of the day. Even Lisa needs a break sometimes. Still, I always have the interests of the community in mind and art and culture is one of those interests; accordingly, I attended a diversity packed performance featuring our good friend Frank Le Foo. I also took this opportunity to hand out more campaign literature. A good time was had by all. Activism truly does pay.

So, to make a long story even longer, it was not until today that I was informed of my opponents recent shockingly despicable activities. Let's start with the current Mayor of Mitchieville.

While community centers continue to close their doors to the public here, though taxspending employees continue to collect full time pay for "maintenance work", The Mayor takes off to Toronto! True, something similar is happening there, but why is the Mayor not addressing the problems of his own city that he has helped to create during his long dictatorial reign? Does the Mayor have higher aspirations in mind? Apparently blaming the province is no longer enough to secure the Mayor's popularity, and I would suggest that he is now setting his sights on the role of Premier of the Province. Don't let him get away with this devious plan. The next provincial election is four years away. If he wants to run, fine, but I ask the voters to make sure he runs as a defeated Mayor of Mitchieville.

I hesitate to even mention the disgusting threats and lies issued by Fenris regarding Sargon the Magnificent. Rest assured that Sargon is alive and well. He accompanied Leslie and myself on our library tour and offered free tarot readings to the children. Sargon sees the truth and the truth is not everyone comes out ahead. If there is a limit to wealth it logically follows that some people's fortunes will be sacrificed to other's fortunes. For example, there can be only one Mayor of Mitchieville, meaning two candidates are going to lose.

It's time to move forward. It's time for change. I remind the fine folks of Mitchieville to vote for me, Lisa, on October 10th. I care about the wallets of Mitchievillians. I care about your bingo nights and swimming pools. I CARE!