ReEducation in Mitchieville

As I work tirelessly for You, The People of Mitchieville, I can only shake my head sadly at some of the executive decisions made by others. Who but not me is responsible for the sorry incompetence of The Astrologer of Mitchieville, Sargon the Magnificent?

The followers of Set, the Snake God are offended at the slipshod delivery and poor strength of the 'so-called' weekly horoscopes offered by what's-his-name. Another week has gone by and yet another week missed in the astrology experience of You, The People of Mitchieville. Without free and easy access to a weekly horoscope, how can we find the strength to make others pay for fundraising for Global Warming Awareness? Investors need astrology to help them make informed decisions. You care about money, stocks, bonds, and mutual funds . Maybe the staff astrologer responsible for the astrology of money, stocks, bonds, and mutual funds should care too.

As part of my platform, I hereby announce that what's-his-name will be gotten rid of. And you all know what that means in any large bureaucracy: promotion, bigger desk, sex-pot secretary, high cholesterol diet, and a tempting early pension buyout with benefits. Maybe the guy keeping my chair warm should spend less time bullying harmless and cute wildlife, and more time doing his job.

I think we all can look forward to better horoscopes for You, The People of Mitchieville. Here is an example of the quality you can expect during the reign of Fenris Badwulf, Mayor of Mitchieville:

Reveal the steaming liver to the rays of the sun and let the augur of Set call out the numbers of the winning lottery tickets to you. Give thanks to Set by promising to send a business rival to the mud pits to feed his hungry children every month in the week of the full moon, except during Christmas, in which case make it two. Take advantage of a sale and buy some new shoes.

Thats what people want to hear, and they want to hear it every week. Enough talk!

I, Fenris Badwulf, Mayor of Mitchieville, dicated this to ikthis, a minion who lives in fear.