Again With The Germans

It seems that paddling their ass twice in past 100 years wasn’t enough so the Germans have come back for more. Perhaps some of the people can be fooled some of the time but I, Suvorov, am never fooled some of the time. I have seen through the tree-hugging environmentalist spin of the MSM and have deduced that the Germans are unleashing a new weapon of mass destruction upon the earth. On top of Mount Zugspitze in the German Alps our old foes have deployed a terrible new weapon I call “Reflector”.


MSM reports here and here have all cheerily mentioned that this is actually an effort to save the last glacier in Germany. Do not let the environmental activist spin of the MSM fool you! Those dastardly Krauts are at it again like it’s 1939.

What we have here is a German plan for the total domination of the Olympic winter alpine sports. By reflecting the rays of the sun back up into the atmosphere the rest of the earth warms while the German Alps stay cool. Our glaciers will melt and our snow capped mountains will be reduced to dust and rock. Soon the Luge, Bobsled, Downhill Skiing, and Skeleton teams of Germany will be number one in the world. The Germans, twice beat in the combat of arms, will now beat the world at the podium ever four years instead. Germany's Olympic victories will be our shame.


Something rash and spontaneous must be done and I, Suvorov, am just the man for the job. With the help of my newly trained 3rd Toronto Boy Scout Murder-Assassin Troop (link) and a few dozen butane torches I will lead an assault up the face of this wretched Mount Zugspitze. Once we are at the summit half the team will be authorized to take out all targets of opportunity, the other half will take to melting the snow with the torches and burning this reflective shield of doom. The Greenhouse gasses produced from this assault will be our friend. Remember: the greenhouse gasses of my enemy are my greenhouse gas enemies’ friends.

Fight, resist, attack!


I, Suvorov, have posted this warning of German aggression