Minister of Munitions – A Victims Perspective

A disturbing trend is emerging on the pages of Mitchieville. Over the past two weeks Lisa Foggy of *BITCH* and her boot-lick dmorris have made hurtful references to my sexual orientation ( here and here ). I want to be clear so that these allegations made by the supporters of *BITCH* can be refuted by the supporters of the Campaign to Re-Elect Mayor Mitch: my name is Reg, I am the Minister of Munitions, and I am not gay.

Yes, it is true that my Executive Assistant Carl Woodcock is an attractive man. But “Hot Carl”, as he is affectionately referred to at City Hall, is as straight as any man I have ever known. It is also true that my able subordinates Andrew Savage and Dan Sullivan share an apartment but what is wrong with that? There are plenty of men out there who live with other men so that they can save up money for week long vacations in San Francisco and South Beach, Miami. Who among us doesn’t want to visit these places?

Before any allegations of sex discrimination at the Munitions Ministry can be laid, I want to note that we have a new intern on our Communication staff. I trust that all of Mitchieville will join me in welcoming Jezzika to the Munitions Ministry. Jezzika is here for the semester from London where she has been integral part of the progressive student relations program at the university there. Please join Carl, Dan, Andrew and I this Thursday night at Big Al’s for cocktails as we welcome Jezzika to Mitchieville.

What bothers me the most about this campaign of slander is the effect these allegations of homosexuality have on the important men who work in the Raw Materials Production Division for the Munitions Ministry – our miners. Every morning these men plunge into hot dark holes where they pound away the hours in groups of four our five until they pull out at the end of the day dirty, sweaty, and drained of all their energy. These rough and tumble rouges need to be confident that their minister has their back and that he is not distracted by the back door shenanigans of *BITCH* during the 2007 Mitchieville Election.

I hope that this message of tolerance and respect reaches the organizers of *BITCH* so that I can be free from this harassment and better do my job as Minister of Munitions. It is time for *BITCH* to take their homophobia out of the closet and expose themselves for all of Mitchieville to see, especially dmorris.

The Mayor’s victory on Election Day is a common goal we should all get behind and I for one will bend over backwards to see that he wins. Soon the election campaign will climax and The Mayor’s joy will be spread all over Mitchieville. I speak for everyone at the Munitions Ministry when I say we all look forward to when that day comes.

Sincerely yours,

Reginald ‘Reg’ Reginaldson
Minister of Munitions
Mitchieville