The Telephone Ain't Ringing

I have always been one of the most vocal supporters of the Mayor, the Mayor of Mitchieville. There is not much difference between our viewpoints and political philosophies. The Mayor is so much better looking, and I have hair. So, we can all clap our hands happily when we see that the Mayor has closed down the worlds top three most effective telemarketing operations: The Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence. The Fenris Badwulf Telemarketing School For Newly Arrived Canadians. And finally, The Fenris Badwulf School for Hungry Telemarketing Sales Bears.

Yes, indeed, the Mayor, the Mayor of Mitchieville, has always had the power to close down those infernal irritation engines that are the worlds three most effective call centers. On yesterday, as opposed to some day over last three long years (that is over a thousand days, actually), the Mayor decided to suppress the harassment and intimidation of You, The People of Mitchieville. His judgement is not to be questioned. Obviously, for the other thousand and change dinners that you were called by my Hungry Sales Wolves, disturbing your mouth shovelling with tales of miracle trailer hitch cleaner, just-gotta-have lima bean recipe how-to videos, or a good deal on canned oatmeal with prunes, the Mayor was content with your suffering. This was his decision to make, and we applaud it. After only a few tens of hundreds of meals ruined, well, it is time your suffering stopped, because the Mayor has a whim, and this whim is in your favor, You, the Mud-Encrusted Peasants of Mitchieville.

For my part, the Fly-By Night business model is taught in my Hungry Sales Bear course. Not a moment of productive effort has been lost by The Sales Force. As we speak, across the troubled neighbourhoods of North-East Scarborough, a new charity campaign is starting.

Have you ever used one of those blood pressure machines in the pharmacy? Have you ever noticed how you cant really get your arm out of the darn thing if your try? Well, thanks to Global Warming Science, my Hungry Sales Wolves have now joined the Red Cross blood donation drive. Improved blood pressure chairs are now available that can extract up to all of the blood in a human, all without risk to the chair owner-operator, this being The Fenris Badwulf Pari-Mutuel Insurance Company. Acting on commission, my Sales Wolves offer free health care as an incentive to lure prospective blood donors into a sound proof booth (located in a convenient shopping mall location, or a van, or in a subway merchants kiosk), where they are trapped and tapped.

After the first pint is taken, secondary analysis is done on the blood. If the donor blood is rich in THC, cocaine, heroin, or other valuable blood byproducts, the entire volume of is extracted. These compounds can be reconstituted and re-sold, earning additional commission income for my Hungry Sales Wolves. If the donor has is found to be compatable with someone on the waiting list, then they are transported to The Donor Center, located in the third underground basement of the Royal Bank Plaza in Toronto. There they give the gift of life.

Otherwise, the donor has up to eighty percent of their original blood removed, replaced with Global Warming fighting Human blood substitute, which is made from a blend of natural spring water, crocodile plasma, and a secret blend of herbs and spices. Their short term memory is cleansed with a quick mind wipe, and they are sent on their merry way, with my Sales Wolves that much richer.

Since the Mayor has no power in Scarborough, and since the Mitchieville Public Employees Pension Fund is an interested and active investor in The Trifecta Family of Mutual Funds which is a minority owner of Acme Turpentine which owns the patents on the Aztec 8 ex-sanguinator which is the chair being used to identify, tissue type, and ex-sanguinate. I suspect that this operation will be operating happily until the coming election.

So, do get your blood pressure checked by the friendly public health nurse in the white latex gown. Give the gift that keeps on giving: the gift of life.

I, Fenris Badwulf, The Mayor of Mitchieville, wrote this.