Fenris Badwulf, caring person bulletin

A person came to me on Monday, they were crying. This person, a hard working activist, had been in a tragic car accident. While chatting to a friend on their cell phone, their car had suddenly driven itself into the ditch. If only the ditch had not been there. Had spending cuts by Mike Harris removed the padded foam rubber cushion that should have been built using earth-friendly technologies? Now, my friend was inconvenienced. Her car needed repairs. The monolithic male insurance patriarchy said that her premiums would have to rise. The cop who investigated the accident made a pass at her, saying that he thought blondes were hot. How offensive can it get for an activist?

I care about people. When I spend their money, I tell people that I care. And they believe me when I tell them that I care. It only takes a few weeks to earn the money that I spend for you, and it takes only a few moments for me to do this, because I care.

In the long weeks and months leading up to the official start of the campaign for the next Mayor of Mitchieville, I would like to let it be know that I, a hardworking servant of You, The People of Mitchieville, would consider running for the office. Of course I would! Sure, I suffered humiliation during the last election. Somebody wrote Fenris is Evil on some of my election literature. Another person returned a self-addressed donation envelope with some expired Canadian Tire gift certificates. That hurt.

I am a victim. I speak for victims. But the best way for me to help is to spend for victims. Whether it is increased armaments spending to create jobs for unions, or endless studies that create jobs for our pulp and paper industry, you can be confident that all those taxes I will be inflicting will go to help all of you feel less guilty about something, somewhere.

If you want to help, even if it is only to further your own financial interests, just go into any Public Library in Mitchieville and whisper your concerns in the stacks. I care. My minions care. They listen to your thoughts, and want to bring you closer to Set, the Snake God.

I am going to study what people are saying over the next little while. I will listen to my friends, my millionare eco-leftist drinking buddies, and those who share my vision of a pre-Christian happy era. I want to know what you are thinking. I have ways of finding out. So, loosten your tongue. Everyone will feel better. I know that I will.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. (Actually, he dictated it to the underfoot minion ikthis, who lives in fear. This week ikthis got to eat meat, which made him happy, until he found out where it came from ... organ donor burger, with bacon and cheese)