Statistical Analysis for Activists (part 1)

Alot of people are confused as to what planet the Main Stream Media gets their authoritative numbers used to prove Global Warming, Third Hand Smoke, and Illiteracy among Black University Graduates. The answer is Earth. The Main Stream Media does not just make up numbers to make a story look good and keep the taxpayers cash flowing into activist chequing accounts. No way. Instead, here is a soothing example of the politically correct way to tally up hate crimes and social injustice.

Once upon a time, there lived in the beautiful Rainbow Village neighbourhood of Toronto's Global Village two lovers, their names were Jamaica-Buba and Hung-Dhung. Jamaica-Buba is both HIV positive and a Hepatitis C carrier. Hung-Dhung is a pre-op transvestite with interests in fashion and world hunger. Both are in a committed relationship to each other, something unseen in dirty heteronormatives. Two happy gay marrige points

One day, Jamaica-Buba came home to find Hung-Dhung fisting Reverend Aural Sects, the local United Church Youth Minister. Jamaica-Buba became angry, and raised his voice to Hung-Dhung. This caused six statistical counts of Domestic Violence: A vs B, A vs C, B vs C, B vs A, C vs A, and C vs B.

When the good Reverend left the domicle, he left behind his briefcase, full of spiritual books and toys for downtrodden children. Jamaica-Buba followed, throwing books and toys. The Reverend was hit on the head by his own copy of the Communist Manifesto, and bruised in the ribs by a double-ended silicon dildo. Although firearms were not used, they could have been. And if they were, they would not have been registered. Tally up two counts of gun violence that could have been prevented by a gun registry.

The averted gun violence was witnessed by a teenager, who laughed at the funny men acting queer. This is an inappropriate response for the teen, requiring crisis intervention. Count one Crisis intervention Hopefully, the teenager will report himself to the crisis intervention co-ordinator at his school.

Back at the police station, a wheelchair Lesbian hired for the SWAT team (by virtue of the the Employment Equity Act), was checking police reports for signs of police brutality. Although the police never did show up (well, they came two hours later, after Jamaica-Buba and Hung-Dhung had kissed and made up and gone to their Boy Scout meeting), the commissar logged Two counts of rape because all men are rapists. No mention on the reports was made about the race, color, creed, or special status of the many victims. Since racism is everywhere, the lack of data is a sure sign that this was two counts of hate crimes. Because it took so long for the cops to show up, two counts of white privilege, because obviously the cops took so long so as to give an advantage to whitey. And because two non-whites were involved, two counts of discimination by police, because the mere presence of the police is oppression.

Study this and be guided by its good example.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Cross posted at Dust My Broom, because they can count there.