I'm Not Jonesin' For Star

When Star Jones was on The View, I remember looking and listening to her and thinking that she was one loud, obnoxious, scowling hag. How I long for those days. At least when she was on The View and weighed about the same as my neighbours Hummer, she had a semblance that she was from planet earth. Now with her weight reduction she resembles a parachute that half opened descending to earth at 5000 mph.

When I uploaded Star's picture on my computer it scared a couple thousand pixels off my monitor. When I showed this picture to the Elephant Man, he looked at me and said, "C'mon, guy, I'm trying to eat". I'm not saying that Star's face is getting stretchy, but I hear that the WWE want to use it as a practice mat for its wrestlers. If this creature got any skinnier, Madonna would try to adopt her. From all the glasses of booze in front of Star's protruding frontal lobe, it looks like the old adage of, "There ain't enough booze in the world" is dead on, the guy still ran away.

Thank you folks, you've been a terrific audience. Vote The Mayor for Mayor.