Campaign Notebook

A recent electronic poll conducted at the Mitchieville Public Library shows that Lisa currently enjoys 96% of respondents support, with Fenris and the Mayor splitting the other 4%. You see, as a woman, I am virtually guaranteed of victory. Now, one would think that I would be cheered by this news, but I am not, because I have been reflecting on the shortcomings of the democratic process and so I am concerned that the wishes and desires of the 4% of Mitchievillians who do not support me will be ignored. I know, they are mostly vagrants popping by to utilize the needle disposal bins recently installed at the Central branch, but their voice should be represented too - it is the fault of the voting community that these poor victims are forced to inject vast amounts of narcotics into their blood stream, subject as they are to bullying at the hands of uncaring politicians.

Thus, I propose the candidates for the 2006 municipal election engage in a game of rock, paper, scissors on December 25th to decide who will govern Mitchieville for the next five years. Your donations are greatly desired and you will be rewarded with a copy of "The Official Rock Paper Scissors Guide." Help make my campaign strong! Learn how best to apply psychological pressure on the enemy before that fateful day in December.

I, Lisa, multicultural resident of London and Mitchieville, and founding member of *BITCH*, care about everyone, including Fenris and the Mayor.