Stop Harper

Rarely have I ever been so outraged over such a shortsighted policy as the massive spending cuts that Stephen Harper's government of monocultural heteronormative meanies has dictated from their patriarchial fortress of oppression on the banks of the Ottawa river. I was so upset that I spilled a cup of prune nectar on my fuzzy seal pup slippers that I got from Greenpeace as a renewal gift for their 2006 membership drive. My hands are shaking and my heart is bleeding.

These outrageous cuts are a chainsaw in the forest of our urban culture. The last time this happened was during the reign of the emperor Valentinian (link) when he chopped the social spending to the peaceful vegetarian Goth tribes living in harmony with nature in Central Europe. Their feelings were hurt. They felt unloved. They were alienated. Although they had never committed an act of violence before, they embarked on a series of wars, border raids, massacres, sackings, and pillaging expeditions. I suspect the same thing will happen here. Just as the Goths invaded the Roman Empire, you can expect the Goths to turn Toronto to ashes!

Broken promises. No activist believes that a billion dollars of spending cuts are the cuts in spending that Harper's Gangsters lyingly promised during the stolen election campaign. These spending cuts are not cuts in spending. No way. So when can we expect cuts in spending, Harper? Hmmmm?

Museums to be closed, artifacts to be sold to American art snobs. Like most Canadians, I go to the museum at least once a week. No more Museum of Patriarchial Oppression, or the Museum of Intestinal Parasites for you and your loved ones. This will lead to illiteracy among our disadvantaged homeless village peoples, famine in the fashion industry, and an increase in third hand smoking deaths. The barbarian Goths will gather in hordes to swarm the sound barriers that protect our urban areas!

Wasteful and Unneeded Spending Initiatives to be Slashed. Even noted Harvard economist Moe Howard noted the urgent need for wasteful and unneeded spending. Homosexuals, one of the poorest demographics in Canada (ranking in the same cohort as Conrad the Black, target of anti-Black American prosecution) will be unable to look to the leadership of the Court Challenges Program, which was spearheading the Sex with Little Boys Legalization Program, a series of federal government subsidized lawsuits against the federal government.

Unemployable Youth Employment Program. A massive 55.4 million dollars have been stolen from this cornerstone program which has kept the streets of Toronto completely safe from a broad spectrum of youth violence. Over two hundred street youth were kept busy with ice creme and cake appreciation under the careful stewardship of fifty-five staff. Cost of materials was four hundred thousand dollars. Now this next generation of unemployable youth will turn to street crime, purse snatching, vandalism, and public masturbation out of outrage. Where will YOU be when the Goths sack your shopping mall?

I fear for the future of civilization. Stephen Harper is a big meanie. Please take out a second mortgage on your home and send me your money so that I can fund a spending initiative to research a spending plan to mount an awareness campaign to stop what has already happened.Send me your money!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Cross posted at Dust My Broom, sans pic (stop staring at those boobs, you heteronormative primate)