Stop Harper

Like most people opposed to the Conservative Party of Stephen Harper, I am trying to make the bad voices in my head stop. Make them stop! It is so hard to sleep now. So, I took advantage of the free therapy offered at the walk in clinic at the Jane-Finch mall, here in Toronto. There, I talked to Doctor Bran M'bunga, a registered anilinguist (animal linguist) and Canine-Canadian rights worker. He is a gentle man, who speaks with the elf-like lilt of the culture of the Khyber Pass Village Peoples.

Bran: When did you last share a meal with your dog? You share your house with your dog ... and why are you not including him in your social activities? Dogs are social fur-persons, and they feel excluded if you do not share with them.

Bran: It is simple. Make up your food in a dog dish, I like to call them a dog-person dish, and then sit on the floor with your Canine-Canadian friend and share a meal. The whole family should pitch in. Sit on the floor and eat with your hands, no utensils. Knives and forks make your dog feel alienated. He cannot use a knife or fork, so if you want to include him and celebrate diversity you should sit on the floor with your dog and eat with your mouth, just like he does. Anything else is insulting and causes teenage dogs to attack people.

Bran: You should share your food from mouth to mouth, just like the dog-people do. Take a peice of meat, some chicken or beef or goat, and let your dog-brother nip it from your mouth. It is good to share drool, too. Now your Canine-Canadian brother will feel included, that you listen to his voice, his woof, and celebrate his culture.

Bran: Dogs speak their own language. I call it Abonic, after my own Apricot Poodle who we called Abo, where Abo was named after the Kwanzaa ritual of sharing the corn cob. You should learn to speak Abonic. If you do not learn Abonic, your dog will hate you. Now you know why he shits on the carpet or pees on the rug ... because you do not eat on the floor with him, or share food out of your mouth, or speak his tongue ... Abonic. When you do not include your dog or celebrate his diversity, well, dogs become violent. Look at all the humans being attacked by dogs. It is not just the vicious killer attack dogs doing all the vicious killer attacks. No, all dogs attack people. You cannot just blame one breed. Besides, it is societies fault, because you do not eat with your dog. You are guilty of war crimes.


Wow. This is excellent advice, thank you Doctor Bran M'Bunga!

Now, you out there. We need more magical thinking from Doctor Bran. And that Harper creature will just cut funding and the magical Doctor Bran will loose his job at the free clinic here at Jane-Finch Mall. He only makes $141,000 a year, and is a bargain at that price. If M'bunga loses his job, there will be an upsurge in youth crime and gun violence in Jane-Finch, I just know it. So, listen to your inner voices and vote Liberal. Let us keep that Bran Magic flowing with the Liberal Party!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.