Canada's Foreign Affairs Minister, Pierre Pettigrew, really likes his chauffeur

A Conservative paper faces legal action after suggesting a homosexual relationship occurred between Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew and his chauffeur.

The chauffeur who accompanied Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew on government-funded trips abroad is considering legal action after an item on a conservative magazine's website questioned whether they had a romantic relationship.

"Mr. Labonte is discussing these attempts on his personal reputation with his lawyers," Mr. Pettigrew's press secretary, Sebastien Theberge, said in an e-mail.

He added, "Private life is private. Mr. Pettigrew attaches a great deal of importance to his absolute right to privacy."

That would be true except for the fact that he was traveling on the governments (our) dime.

A story in the Globe and Mail this month said Mr. Pettigrew brought Mr. Labonte with him on three trips, to Paris, Madrid and Lima, Peru in 2001 and 2002, even though his driving services were not required.

On the Western Standard website on Tuesday, Mr. Libin wrote a blog entry that suggests reporters have applied a double standard by failing to ask important questions about Mr. Pettigrew's "escort" and the $10,000 in trips to "romantic getaways."

"In a country where gay couples enjoy the same rights as straight ones, should they not also be subject to the same questions?" he wrote.

I'd like to ask Mr. Pettigrew and his chauffeur a few questions myself, I'd like to get to the bottom of this whole sordid mess.

For fear of being sued, I will attempt to ask these questions with the highest possible standard and quality that you, my efficient, honest, and highly intelligent readership are accustom to.

Question 1. This question goes out to Mr. Pettigrew's chauffeur. Sir, have you at any time been approached by the Foreign Affairs Minister and asked to play a game called "hide the snaugage in the French mans ass?"

Question 2. To Mr. Pettigrew. Have you, Mr. Pettigrew, ever said to your chauffeur that you would like to re-enact a few scenes from driving Ms. Daisy? You know, you're the old lady in the backseat that harbours some sort of jungle fever lust towards your chauffeur, and then you act out your white on black love fantasy on him?

Question 3. To Mr. Pettigrews chauffeur. Has Mr. Pettigrew ever held your hand, touched the small of your back, played with your hair, rubbed your face cheeks with his two fingers on his right hand, gently kissed the nape of your neck, or watched you change into your shorts?

Question 4. To Mr. Pettigrews chauffeur. If you said no to the last question, please answer me this. Has Mr. Pettigrew ever had anal sex with you? Was he any good? Are you Mr. Pettigrews fuck toy? Be honest you coy little bastard, you liked it didn't you? Why don't you just admit it, chauffeur guy, the Foreign Affairs Minister of Canada sodomized you and you got off on it, and the two of you sleep together on a pull out couch and watch MacGyver together. Don't you? DON'T YOU???!!!

Question 5. To Mr. Pettigrew. Is this questioning turning you on?

Question 6. To Mr. Pettigrew. Did you think that just because the title of your portfolio contained the word "Affair", that it entitled you to have an affair?

Question 7. To Mr. Pettigrew's chauffeur. Since you had no business going on 3 trips with Mr. Pettigrew, and you weren't even needed, and combined with the fact that you actually enjoy forced anal sex by Mr. Pettigrew, Canada's Foreign Affairs Minister, how do you think the Montreal Canadians will do this year, will they make the playoffs?

I tried to be as sensitive as I could, but Canadians need to know the truth.