Angelina Jolie #5

As most of you know, I have been having an on-again off-again affair with Angelina for a few years now. Right now it's off again, because the last time I saw her she stole my wallet, and I've never gotten over it. I'm still furious.

I had to think long and hard about putting Angelina on The Mayor's top 10 sexiest women in the universe list, but I can't deny her admission to this club based on the fact that she's a filthy rotten thief.

I know she can't act, and I also know that when she opens her mouth that only dumbness comes out, but this isn't about acting abilities or brains, it's about sexiness, plain and simple.

Angelina Jolie is startlingly beautiful, a real treat. Since the day I met Angelina, and subsequently from the day I slept with her and heard her scream out my name in an agonizing glory, I've been in love with her.

There are women, there are beautiful women, there are drop-dead-gorgeous women, and then there is Angelina Jolie.

In a way, Angelina Jolie is proof that God has a sense of humour. God made one of the top five specimens of sexy in the world, and then he didn't insert a brain. God is ha ha funny that way, he never ceases to amaze me. And I know I used the word *he* when I referred to God, because if God was a woman, she would have given Angelina terrible acne, or some ugly scar across her tasty face.

I worry about Angelina, I worry what that little troll Brad Pitt has done to her. I am confident that she will return to me one day, she always does. And as usual, I'll have to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. I'll have to be warm and caring and sensitive to her needs and thoughts. I'll have to get out her favourite Dr. Seuss books and spend endless amounts of time reading her special books and making the noises of the hilariously drawn characters. She especially like Green eggs and ham.

Anyway, there she is in all her glory, Angelina Jolie. Use her visual for your pleasure, that's what God would want, and that's what The Mayor wants also.