Horoscope for the week of September 8, 2008

The moon hurtles towards the full moon in Pisces next week. This makes this week ideal for your summoning spells. Jupiter and Pluto go direct this week, which favours wealth, expansion, power, and sex. The conjunction of Venus and Mars in Libra promises some interesting romance; in Libra, Venus rules. And this conjuction of the lovers Mars and Venus is square Jupiter, so there is the promise of scandal. Might be good for the stock market too, if you are a short seller

Aries: The beginning of the week sees you assume a mastery of the written word. You are glib and well spoken. This will draw the attention of lover, who will hunt you down. There will be an element of scandal, but for you, Aries, you do not really care what others think, now do you?

Taurus: What a great week! Money pours into your hands (but, not a winning lottery ticket, sorry), children will be dispatched to weed your garden, and your romantic opportunites are many, at least two. One will be younger than yourself, the other older. At least one should be a red head. And look for those steel grey eyes, too.

Gemini: Victory in War! You will triumph over your enemies, even if faced at odds of three to one! Hurrah! Your adversaries will be crushed! Not a bad week. Oh, do get a few additions to your wardrobe.

Cancer: You can feel things building to a climax, can you not? Being a sensible person, take refuge in food and feeding the life force to those you love. Which is what you do best, anyway. Some excitement is coming your way, but next week. As for what it is, exactly, pay attention to what happens to your Pisces friends.

Leo: You are out of loop for the coming little while. Some excitement occurs, but that is around you. You will make a new friend this week, one that admires your stellar qualities. They will buy you beer.

Virgo: You are the center of attention this week. Whatever concessions you made to an older person will bring you rewards this week. You will have no contact with space aliens or secret government agencies that seek out space aliens this week.

Libra: Your equilibrium will be disturbed when you take a secret lover this week. This tasty morsel is quite to your tastes, being athletic in the right places, and clever in the most pleasant ways. Sip the wine and light the candles, Libra.

Scorpio: A project delayed is going to start to get people asking you questions. So, shift off your arse and get the backlog done. Better yet, work on that one special project that you have been avoiding. Sure, it is plutonium, but you do have the gloves and the fancy tongs to handle it.

Sagittarius: If you do manage to run down a senior citizen, consider yourself lucky. They might have damaged your radiator with their wheelchair. Old folks will continue to irk you.

Capricorn: The public will be paying attention to you this week. For a while anyway. Just take their money. Pay attention to the basics. Some turbulence in your love life will be at cross purposes to your stock portfolio

Aquarius: You will win the lottery this week! Water will flow backwards. Beware of toilets possessed by poltergeists, especially on Thursday. Just beware of malevolent water spirits, too.

Pisces: Questions on your mind will be answered by trusted others, in that off hand way that is the specialty of your sign. Your ability to out gambit even the crafty Capricorns in your life has been noted.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this

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