The failure of Stephen Harper

Like most activists, I embrace a diversity of voices, celebrate the unusual in preference to the normal, and like to spend other peoples money. In my journey through the progressive sub-cultures of Toronto, the city of Light, I hear the many voices of the dependent, the needy, and the grasping cry out with one theme: where are our handouts? In this episode, I explore yet another unique viewpoint that is exactly the same:

Not far from the psychiatric outpatient clinic on Queen street, is a little café that serves fair trade coffee, bran muffins, with and without prunes, and organic brown sugar from Cuba. Upon the table where the cash register lives, is a small model of the UFO that crashed at Roswell.

Some people call the people who hang out here harsh names. It is hard for them to find job opportunities. Their welfare payments are slow to show up for automatic deposit, sometimes arriving five or seven minutes after midnight. Strange coincidences are common. But one common thing is not unusual here: all have been stung by the racist term ‘paranoid whacko’, and all do not get enough in handouts.

Stephen Harper has failed us, they all agree. Canada is under attack not only from American style capitalism, but by malignant space aliens with a racist agenda that hurts people.

Rognard is a victim of Canadian state sponsored terrorism and torture. His doctor, which he cannot vote for in a free election, has demanded that he abandon his religions beliefs as part of a Christian plot of total world domination. His doctor is only pretending to be a Hasidic jew, really he is a surgically altered Irish Calvinist. Space aliens are opposed to the spiritual insights Rognard gets from the sacrament of toluene. And everyone knows that Jesus Christ was a space alien. Drangor, Rognard’s invisible spiritual advisor, told him so. This is a voice worth listening to. And when Drangor says exactly what the Toronto Star says, both must be right, er, left.

Mung-hotep is a victim of Canadian state sponsored terrorism and torture. People watch him all the time. They stare at him when he is not looking. Only by stripping naked and running down Queen street can he make them stop. He smears his own feces on the walls of his room as performance art. His landlady is a capitalist, who is intolerant of his free expression. But the space aliens have suppressed his Charter rights, and the million-billion dollar lawsuit he has launched in the court of Minos (at Queen and Woodbine) has not yet had a fair hearing because it is not yet the full moon. Stephen Harper is to blame.

Burnt Ziffle is an organic farmer who has a two hundred acre farm along the Ossington track, south of Bloor. In protest against unfairness, he only grows dandelions, chick weed, and burdock. Being on a higher spiritual plane, he talks to seagulls. He wonders when Stephen Harper is going to fulfil his promises to shoot down the space aliens who ignore our immigration laws and enslave our organic farmers in Etobicoke.

Stephen Harper is a failure as a leader. Rognard, Mung-Hotep, and Burnt Ziffle all agree; they speak with one voice. If you do not live in Toronto, and do not know the sinus clearing properties of organically grown toluene, you should support them by agreeing with them. Because space aliens are really in control of this country, and Stephen Harper has done nothing about it.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this

xpd Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, Stormy Days of March