Survivor Mitchieville--Sirnef Island--Episode 4

Hi, welcome to Survivor Mitchieville-Sirnef Island. I'm your host, Geoff Probes.

In last weeks thrilling episode of Survivor Mitchieville, Two Dogs from Team Scavenger was voted off the island. This was mostly due to his heart stopping. Poor bastard, he didn't even see it coming. Good news though, he's alive and well and hanging out with large breasted Norwegian strippers. Ya, he'll be alright.

Team SFOL are cruising along nicely, they haven't lost any of their crew yet. The base camp they have set up is nothing short of incredible. It's a two-story number, an open concept four bedroom unit that is made to draw the sun into it in the daytime, yet keep the cold out in the night.

On the other hand, Team Scavengers base camp looks like an Indonesian coastal village after a tsunami passed through. "Hey guys, here's a bit of advice for you--don't shit where you sleep". Assholes.

Anyway, there's only DBS and Bruce left on the men's side. In order to pull a victory out of their collective asses, they are going to need a miracle.

And I might have their miracle...yup, right here in my front pocket. Go ahead, put your hand in my pocket and feel my miracle. Hey, DBS, I'm messing with you, get your hand out of my pocket. Asshole.

Today we are combining the immunity challenge with The Mission Challenge. Here's what we are going to do: We are going to have a good old fashion pose down. How it works is as simple as the economic plan of Robert Mugabe: Each member of both tribes will have two minutes to strike the best muscle pose-downs that they can muster. You will be judged on originality, grace and sexiness. The team that scores the highest amount of points--keep in mind Fenris and I are judging you--will win immunity. The team that loses will be expected at the Pit of Vipers where one of you will be sleeping with the snakes tonight.

Team Scavenger will go first. Who would like to do the honours? DBS? Sounds great, go ahead DBS, let's see what you have:

Ahhh, DBS has started off with the mandatory bicep flex. He is holding them at near right angles with fully suppinated wrists. Very impressive. He's going into a front double bicep flex, bending his legs while pointing his right foot outwards. Outfuckingstanding. He's throwing it into a front lat spread and contorts himself with a triple arm pull lat squat bo-flex Armenian henchman. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Wow, that was truly amazing. Bruce, let's see what you have...

Okay...Bruce starts off with a front abdominal ratchet press and quickly turns and looks backwards, giving the classic Sears underwear pose. Very Smooth. He's into a half-Byron bicep mookie pull, an aggressive lat stretch combined with a eat-my-ass body snatch. He grabs a monkey out of the tree, lifts it above his head, exposing his most-masculine 6 pack abs. He throws the monkey on the ground and elbow smashes the poor creature. Holy Christ, Bruce is on fire!

To say I'm stunned is an understatement. To say I'm slightly frisky is also an understatement. The way these two heterosexual men worked off each other was nothing short of incredible. Remind me to stop using the phrase *nothing short of...*.

To win this competition, Team SFOL will need to come up with a miracle.

SFOL decides that Carin will start the team off. Carin immediately woks herself into a ball of muscle, pressing her arms together in the classic *rippy rippy* pose. Very sweet. She's now going into the not-often-seen Malaysian towel Boy, and quickly flies into a lat-pull, peck-enhancing, quad, quid, quell, quite smoking bellwether ballbusting jacket snapper. Man, I just pooed myself. It's not over, Carin ends her routine with a scissor kick into the air and dismounts into the splits.

Words can't describe that routine.

Next up is Linds. Linds is starting off with the sunset pose...looking straight into the sky towards the glowing ball of fire we humans often refer to as *the sun*. She springs to her feet and punches her fist into the air. Interesting. She whips her arms back into a small Sally and turns around three times to complete the much anticipated dirty commie arm bar. A quad-lift bicep flexible goes into a shark kicker, her legs contort into pretzels while her back foot is somewhat angled and bent outward. OMG, she's into a perfect Australian dandy Rogers cracket mate.

Bra. Vo.

As Alice gets ready for her posedown, you can hear a pin drop. It is going to be near impossible to match what these fine posers have done so far.

Alice starts off by grabbing her ankles with her fully flexed arms while yelling "yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiy". I wonder where she's going with this? She is trying the Juniper petal pose, posturing her right leg at a 90 degree angle and still managing to wiggle her ears. From a quintuple poo poo platter, Alice throws dislocates her shoulder and beats DBS' face in with her flingy arms. That's kind of cool. A beast of burden hind-puller to a flingy back-meat armbar back flexer....nothing is stopping alice....Finally, her finishing move is a Liberals suck manmeat mouth twister.

My silence speaks volumes.

Lastly, we have Samantha. Samantha starts off with a double bicep flex followed by a leg juicer. Oh man, something is wrong...is that a nipple I see? That's going to cost Sam points. She goes into a woodshed beating and thrusts herself into a triple brownie delight. Sorry, but I can't help thinking how that visible nipple is going to cost Samantha. And Sam knows it, too. You can see the look of disappointment on her face. She's slowing down, she's pretty much finished. Yup, the nipple has done her in, there's no hiding it.

Too bad for Sam, that damn nipple may have cost her the game. That's hard. The game, that is. Not her nipple. although I've already proven that was hard. Her nipple, that is. Hard.

Fenris, you Worship--Have you made a decision?

We have.

And who do you say wins today's competition?

Team Scavenger, yo.

Then SFOL will meet at Concentration Wall in one hour. One of you will be sent to the Viper Pit.

Fast forward one hour...

I'm sure you have had time to talk this over. I'm sure you have made alliances and have discussed at length what it means to win Survivor Mitchieville. Right, Linds?

No.

Whatever, point is, one of you are going to sleep with the snakes tonight. It's time to vote.

I have the ballots...I will now read them...

Linds---Samantha

Alice---Samantha

Carin---Alice

Samantha---Linds

Then that's that. Samantha, you and your hard nip will sleep with the vipers tonight. The rest of you will go immediately back to camp and ponder what it's like to be a bunch of pose-down losers.

What a great night. What an incredibly long post. What a giant tongue I have.

Join me this Sunday night for another episode of Survivor Mitchieville--Sirnef Island. I am Geoff Probes, good night everyone!