The Mayor Announces...

I'd first like to start off by saying how much I hate all of you right now. Actually, that's not true. I hate about 66.6% of you, the other 33.3% I deeply love. You know who you are.

I won't lie to you, the last 24 hours have been the hardest period of my life. It's even worse than the time when I had a colon scrape by a doctor with rugged, masculine hands. I'm not sure whether I should be mad, sad or disappointed. So, I'm going to be all three rolled up into a giant ball of disgust.

Notwithstanding, the election was so close to call that I demand a recount.

Fenris agrees and so does Lisa, therefore, the recount will commence Friday morning and the results will be brought directly to you, in live time, unlike fake time, next Tuesday evening at 8 pm sharp.

Barring any chicaneries or tomfooleries, or any other stupid word, whoever wins, wins. There will be no more recounts.

This is fair, this is just, this is the way things are to work.

Oh, for good measure I have suspended the election results, declared martial law, and until further notice I am still your Mayor.

For those of you that disagree, FUC OFF.