Toronto Cops Kick The Beans Out Of Chile

An angry post-altercation between members of the Chile under 20 soccer club and Toronto Police has turned into a good old fashioned international incident, after sucky little crying bitches Chilean players claim Toronto Police used excessive force against them:

Chilean President Michelle Bachelet told local reporters she was dismayed with the use of "unjustified aggression" by Toronto police after a bloody brawl following a FIFA U-20 World Cup match late Thursday.

"In our judgment, what happened was particularly serious because the Chilean delegation suffered unjustified aggression," she said.

The President of Chile, who no doubt has received nothing but true facts from fellow Chileans, has lodged a formal complaint to Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Peter MacKay to demand an explanation for why police used "such unusual methods'' to deal with the situation.

Among one of the *facts* the President of Chile heard was:

"They hit me with an electrical current and I fainted,'' player Isaias Perralta told Chilean media. "When I regained consciousness, I saw 10 police officers were hitting me and throwing acid in my face.''

This player seems to have an incredible recollection of events, saying that exactly 10 coppers were beating the stuffing out of him. It's a lucky thing that he was able to count up to 10 with a face full of acid. I'm sure the burns on his face will be the ultimate proof.

As it so happens, The Mayor happens to know one of the officers who was on duty that frightful night when North and South America decided to *Get it on*. My officer friend and I had a few drinks last night, and here is the version which was told to me.

The Argentinian under 20 soccer team gave the Chileans a smacking on the field Thursday night, humiliating the Chileans in front of many of their Canadian fans. The ref of the game (A German) called a pretty lousy game, and when it was over the Chilean players went after the ref to basically punch the hell out of him. The cops escorted all the refs off the field and stood guard while they were getting changed and ready to go.

Meanwhile, the Chilean *Fans* were egging on the Chilean players to find the ref(s) and beat the hell out of them. Most of the Chilean players were now on the bus, but about 4-5 of them decided to show off in front of their fans (that were barricaded about 100 metres from the cops and the players). The Chileans, being typical macho Spanish rejects, decide to taunt the FEMALE security guards by spitting on them and calling them nice words such as cuntas and various other pleasantries.

One thing led to another and the tough Chilean players took it up a level and pushed one of the female security guards--not a cop, a security guard. The Toronto cops that were there, serving and protecting, did just that. They grabbed the player that pushed the guard and subdued him. The rest of the players jumped in, and the players on the bus that were watching the whole thing--and egging on the other players, like the heroes that they are--jumped off the bus and went for the FEW cops and security guards which were assembled.

Reinforcements were called in and the Toronto cops wiped the pavement with the Chilean cowards.

So, here's what it boils down to: These Chilean cowards come to my country to play soccer and lose badly. These little bitches can't take losing so they decide to push a FEMALE security guard and harass members of the finest Police department in North America. These pathetic malcontents walk on our laws, and try to hurt my people, only to have their faces caved in.

Now the Chilean president wants an apology? Allow me.

Dear Chilean president: Go fuck yourself gently with a jackhammer, you two-bit bitch. Get your facts together before you start accusing the fairest, finest and best trained Police department in the world of crimes which they didn't commit.

You owe US an apology. How dare you allow those pukes into MY country without a leash? Look at Canada and look at your own country. Canada has freedom of religion, freedom of the press and freedom of association, we have one of the highest standards of living in the world. Chile is a shithole where nuns get kidnapped and raped and dogs die in the streets.

You want an apology? I'm sorry your country is fucked up.