Soups On!

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriends testicle has been sentenced to 2 1/2 years in jail:

An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them.

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".

He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.

She choked and spat it back into her hand before a friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

This should be a warning to all men out there that you have to be cautious and aware of what your testicles are doing all times. If you don't, there is a chance that your pills will be treated like a jawbreaker by some sadistic, demented, twisted, bitter, psychotic, British testical eating maniac.

You have been warned.