May 16 – The Crappiest Day In History

There can’t be much argument that May 16 is by far the crappiest day in world history. In the first 1204 years after Christ nothing remotely worth noting happened and what happened in 1204 isn’t worth mentioning. We then jump to 1770 when Marie Antoinette married a wussy French boy named Louis. In case you’re not up your history I’ll save you the Google time: they both lost their head to the guillotine.


In 1943, The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising ended. I suppose if you are some bastard Nazi this would be a good thing, but this was a decidedly terrible day for the Polish-Jews of Warsaw. In 1966 the Cultural Revolution in China began. The number of Chinese people murdered by their own government is known only to God. It gets more bleak: in 1982 the Islanders completed their four game sweep of the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup. Butch Goring’s toothless grin still haunts my dreams. The final kicker, Jim Henson of The Muppets fame died on this day in 1990.


Need more proof that May 16 is ‘The Crappiest Day In History”? Notable celebrity birthdays for this day include Pierce Brosnan and well, Pierce Brosnan. Now the former James Bond is kind of cool, but his birthday is over-shadowed by the ominous births of Tori Spelling (btw - Nikita told me The Mayor hearts Tori), uber-geek Tucker Carlson, Liberace, Janet Jackson and Tracey Gold. Remember Tracey Gold ? I thought not.


The best hope for May 16 being a somewhat less crappy day in the future currently lay in the hands of two women: some young actress named Megan Fox (on the right), who before today I had never heard of but apparently she is the star of the new Transformers movie, and a porn star named McKenzie Lee, who before today I had never heard of (I dare you to Google her blog - very NSFW).

My mother mentioned this morning that like today, May 16 thirty-five years ago was also cold, dark and rainy. So thanks for nothing May 16, aside from Hires Root Beer being invented you’ve only brought death, despair and B list entertainers to the world. Until someone else can prove differently from this day forward you are “The Crappiest Day In History”.


Posted by Reg, sigh…