Yahoo Personals Interpreted

The greatest thing about any form of personal ads out there in internet land is the extent to which grown men and women will lie and deceive to their potential partner just to make themselves look semi-human. Pretty much everything you read in a personal ad is complete nonsense, dipped in untruthiness, with a healthy smattering of bullshit, topped off with a complete distortion of fact and reality.

I will, once again, take a random Yahoo ad and interpret it for you, my wonderful, gracious and stupendous (stupendous doesn't mean stupid, it's a compliment, stupid) fellow Mitchievillian's.

Actual ad:

Fine dining, a vintage bottle of wine and stimulating conversation can lead to great things...

I believe in enjoying life to it's fullest. You get what you give...so always be generous!

Life can be a bumpy road...I'm willing to love like I've never been hurt before. Are you??

Yahoo ad interpreted:

A cheeseburger and fries, a 40 of Valu-Rite vodka with a sprinkling of ground up roofie can lead to great things...but not for your bum.

I believe in enjoying life to its fullest, as I'm sure you do, too. However, after I suck the life out of you (generally three weeks or so), you'll wish you had never been born. You see, I come off as some sort of hero, but in the end I'm nothing more that a glue-huffing deadbeat woman abuser who would have sex with a monkeys ass if I could catch the little bastards.

Life can be a bumpy road...I'm willing to love like I've never been hurt before. I mean, what the fuck do I have to lose anyway? You on the other hand? You're going to lose your kids, your money, your sanity, and eventually your hair.

You get what you give, so always be generous. Hehe, that's easy for me to say, I only have $4 and half a pack of gum to my name. But I do give everything I have. For instance, before you met me you never had herpes or gonorrhea, and now look at you, you have both. Lucky bitch.

Care to take a chance with a complete loser, again?