Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer Are Not Pretty People

This is Tobey Maguire and his wife Jennifer Meyer doing God knows what, God knows where, and only God knows why. Whatever they are doing, they are most likely watching people play some form of sport, jealous that those people are probably normal looking, unlike either of them.

These two creatures have procreated and are expecting a child soon. If the child is to take any physical features from either or both of these two bats, you can expect the child to look like a spider, man. Tobey Maguire's wife looks like she's been trying to catch frying pans with her face. It also looks like she's been waaaaay too successful. I see that giant ear sticking out the side of her deformed head, and I can't help thinking that she can hear me think. Tobey doesn't care, he knows that in Hollyweird you would have to be an idiot to marry a hot chick, they're nothing but money grubbers. This chick is just happy that she has a man that doesn't throw up in her face when he looks at her. She'll be very giving, for sure. Unfortunately, whatever she's giving, I'd hate to be the one taking it.