Let's Make Money

Let's Make Money, with Fenris Badwulf
If you want to make money, make money!

Today’s Money Making Idea is Maple Syrup Whiskey …

Market Research:
Customers who like to drink alcohol, preferably young or poor who have not developed a taste for expensive ‘smooth’ liqueurs. Target market is gullible Americans traveling to Canada, underage kids, and First Nations.

Marketing:
Maple Syrup Whiskey is the oldest alcoholic drink brewed on the North American continent. Verbal tradition handed down to us by the Beothuk First Nations is that Maple Syrup Whiskey was one of the friendship gifts given by the Viking settlers in Labrador to the Beothuk chief Singing Turtle.

Maple Syrup Whiskey is traditionally made by home brewers from jealously guarded recipes. So, it must be good, eh?

Maple Syrup Whiskey retails from regular retail price to whatever the market will bear as the customers get sloshed.

Manufacturing of Product:
What you need: Maple Syrup, Jug of pure grain alcohol, Horsefly

Just mix sufficient Maple Syrup into the Ever clear (pure grain alcohol) until you get that distinct cloudy effect. Texture should be gritty, from a rough pumice to a thin gravel from the precipitating sugars. Flavor is sweet, bordering on aluminum paint thinner.

As a final touch, pitch in the horsefly as a marketing gimmick. You can use most any native Canadian insect, but something common and readily available is best … black flies, spruce bud worms, or even sow bugs are just fine substitutes. You can spin this as a 'spanish fly' type sex enhancer.

If you are financially embarrassed, you can use a bottle of Maple Syrup Flavoring from the supermarket. For the sugar content, you can use regular sugar, or icing sugar. A few handfuls of sugar packets from Tim Hortons will do to keep expenses down.

Once you have market share established, here are three follow-up products that you can sell into your market base:

Maple Syrup Whiskey with Vitamin C. Just crumble up a few vitamin C tablets into the brew. They can be past the expired medication date. Or just add a splash of Orange Flavoring to take advantage of the placebo effect.

Diet Maple Syrup Whiskey: Exchange Maple Syrup for a mixture of Maple Syrup flavoring and a few handfuls of sugar substitute packets, like Sugar Twin or Lo-Cal. The packets are available free in most coffee shops. You will have to buy the Maple Syrup flavoring at the supermarket.

Diet Maple Syrup Whiskey with Vitamin C: As above, exchange the Syrup for sugar substitute and pitch in some orange flavoring. Some people say that this particular beverage can induce horrific migraines and they want to scratch out their own eyes, so we say that we donate a dollar from each jug sold to fight global warming.

Brand Identification: I market my Maple Syrup Whiskey under the brand name Mad Dog 666. This appeals to my under age and street youth clientele. For preferred customers, I scotch tape on a bottle of Asprin. Write on the label that all profits go to fight the Seal Hunt and that all materials used are pesticide free.

Product Endorsements:
The Angry Electrician: I just hang outside a Liquor store. I put the Maple Syrup Whiskey in a Liquor store bag. Grab people coming out of the store and tell them that your car has broken down and could they please buy this bottle from me so that I could pay for a new transmission. It works like a charm. I made over two hundred dollars tax free profit in half an hour. Thank you, Fenris!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.