Insect Canada

Activists around the earth, in every city filled with village peoples, are smiling today. Because, at long last, activists are raising money to have human rights extended to our primate fellow animals.

I kid you not.

Soon, Primate-Canadians, be they Ape, Monkey, Chimpanzee, or Orangutang, will have the same protections under the law as Gangbangers, Gays, Terrorists, and Illegal Immigrants. This is a great victory of activism, and will create many jobs and make our economy strong as we march into an energy free future of sustainable development without the use of carbon based fuels.

But, as we comfort ourselves on this great victory, comparable to the civil rights reforms of Katyn Wood by comrade Stalin, we must ask ourselves about those life forms left behind by the good works of our activist judges.

What about Insect-Canadians?

Only a few days ago I was shocked to have a conversation with a brutal heteronormative Insect-Killer, a man who calls himself a Pest Control Specialist. This is the moral equivalent of one of the worst criminals that ever existed within five light years of this planet: George Bush.

The Insect-Killer kills insects ... for money! When I met this evil man, he was exterminating a family of Caribbean Bed Bugs, who came to this country to explore diversity and express their unique culture by singing their song their way. They, like all immigrants, did not come to Canada to be Canadian, but to celebrate their own culture. And Bed Bugs celebrate diversity by laying their eggs, their little children, under the skin to hatch and burrow towards the lips, eye lids, or anal sphincter, where they pupiate inside cysts in bleeding sores.

The Insect-Killer was spraying unnatural chemicals made from petrochemicals all over some bedding at the homeless shelter. He murders millions of Insect Family groups, billions of insect village elders and healers, every other Tuesday, when the homeless shelter gets its Bed Bug spray. Scientific research yet to be done shows that chemicals are bad and causes global warming, encourages childhood obesity, and exposes Harp seals to third hand tobacco smoke.

Scientists take us into the world of the Caribbean Bed Bug family to witness this holocaust first hand through the power of conjecture. The first chemical used is a potent phosphate nerve agent, similar to the gas not used by the Nazi's when they did not exterminate the Jews during world war two. This chemical acts to slow down the Bed Bugs. It scares them and, just like you and me, if when we looked up from our meal of human blood, the poor Bed Bugs, who have done nothing to hurt anyone, scatter for the safety of their defenseless villages, nests, and hives.

The second chemical used is a corrosive glue, similar to the Napalm dropped by American warplanes to wipe out the Winnebago during the 1750's. This stuff sticks to the hard body of the Bed Bug, then it begins to burn. No, our human eyes cannot see this horror, as the stuff burns at a wavelength invisible to our sight. But the Bed Bug can see it. They scream with their tiny cute Bed Bug voices, and look in terror with their tiny cute Bed Bug vision arrays. The drugged and doomed insects crawl around, slowly being consumed by the flames. Any attempt to wipe off the Napalm with a leg, or mandible, or claw, fails and merely acts to spread the burning death.

Just think of it: Insect family groups watching on in horror as beloved family members are burnt alive. All they wanted to do was live in peace and live the multicultural dream of all Bed Bug Canadians by sucking human blood and laying eggs in human flesh and watching their larvae burrow through human skin.

We must stop this horrible genocide of our Insect-Canadian brothers. We need money to start up a telemarketing campaign to raise money for Insect-Canadian rights. We must stop these heteronormative Insect-Killers from ever destroying a Bed Bug Village, a Cockroach community, or a mosque of Mosquitos again. Send me your money.


I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.