Global Warming Warning (6/23/2006)

Bad news in the Main Stream Media

The absence of conclusive evidence about Global Warming has led some activists to meet resistance in fund raising activities. This is bad.

New research shows that Third Hand Cigarette Smoke creates a particulate layer that temporally obscures the effect of Global Warming.

So, the reason there is no evidence of Global Warming is explained: Evil heteronormative cigarette smokers have been sabotaging Global Warming with the noxious blue third hand smoke, which bounces back The Heat Rays from the Sun. Those evil smokers have seriously compromised our ability to raise money to fund telemarketing to raise money.

But there is bad news to this bad news Global Warming Warning story:

With the decline in cigarette smoking, the protective layer of blue smoke is thinning, allowing The Heat Rays from the Sun to cause … Global Warming. Aaaargh! Global Warming will actually occur now!

Now that evil cigarettes are being oppressed by righteous activist judges, media, and civil servants, the mitigating effects of third hand smoke will end … abruptly!

The Indians of Caledonia have only a few weeks left to get their land back before the Grand River boils away!

Send in your dollars now so I can hire telemarketers to raise money for research initiatives.

My name is Fenris Badwulf, and I care.