How are Those Hockey Picks Coming, Mr Mayor?

Not bad, thanks for asking.

I had some good picks in the first round, and I also had some crapola picks. Let's have a boo at all of them and I'll explain why my head was either in my ass or thinking clearly.

(1) Ottawa (8) Tampa Bay--I said Ottawa will take it in 5. Ottawa did indeed win it in 5. This makes me a God in most circles, but I'm not one for praising myself or my incredibly fantastic predictions.

(2) Carolina (7) Montreal--I said the Canes in 5, they won it in 6. That was fairly impressive, not great, but pretty impressive. Eff Montreal, looks good on them.

(3) New Jersey Devils (6) New York Rangers--I said the Devils in 5, they won it in 4. I'm getting tired of being right.

(4) BUFFALO (8) PHILLY--I said Barfalo in 6, they won it in 6. If I was a gambling man I'd have 7 billion dollars of gambling profits off of those 4 games alone.

(1) DET vs. (8) EDM--I took the Wings in 6, they lost in six. I suppose this happened because God was getting jealous of me being so right and knew that it was going to my head. Thanks God, I'll remember that!

(2) DAL vs. (7) COL--I said Dallas in 7, they lost in 5. That prediction was not my fault, it was the fault of copious amounts of hashish and rye and gingers.

(3) CGY vs. (6) ANA--I took Calgary in 6, they lost in 7. The Flames are slugs, they played like cripples, to hell with them, they make me look human.

(4) NSH vs. (5) SJS--I took San Jose in 6, they won in five. Simply put, this is the greatest prediction ever made in sporting history. I said the Sharks will win the cup and I stand by it.

Now, what happens next? I'll tell you, go grab a pen and take some notes.

I know the next series is underway and I'm a little late, but I've been drinking again and I feel like telling you who I think will prevail to the final 4.

Ottawa v. Buffalo--Barfalo in 7. Ottawa is a great team, but I think they are going to have problems in goal against an incredible Barfalo offence. Besides, I truly hate the Sens *spit*.

Carolina v. New Jersey--Carolina in 5. New Jersey blew their wad against the lifeless Rangers, they have nothing left. New Jersey is a dirty place to live, full of has-been, washed up mafia losers and chicks that can't fuck. That will reflect on their hockey team in some sort of cosmic way. I have no idea what I just typed, but I'm standing by it.

Anaheim v. Colorado--The Ducks in five. They are too big and too strong for Colorado's little team. Carolina might have put the screws to Dallas, but now they're playing a team with heart.

San Jose v. Edmonton--San Josers in 5. I really like Edmonton, but not against the team I said will win the Stanley Cup. No way, no how.

There you have it, a few pearls for you good folk. I suggest going to your bank tomorrow morning and withdrawing all your money and placing bets on these teams immediately. If you had a conscience, you would send me the majority of your profits, although somehow I doubt, even though I made you rich, that you will do it.

Thanks for nothing.