Bicycles are Counterrevolutionary and must be Suppressed.

Worker Comrades!

Time to rise up against these crafty riders of bicycles, loyal Central Socialists! I was confronted with their inconvenience only this very day. On my ride home, from the sanctuary of my private sex and services club, in the safe place that should have been my automobile, my Lexus Imperial.

But, oh no! I did not see what happened. My trusty driver, Oddjob said that we might have tapped or bumped him ... a few times ... Anyway, he was acting very angry. I could see that he really hated Mother Earth and ate meat like some heteronormative primate species. Then, he pounded on the car. He touched my car with his fist. Send him to the electric chair for striking my beautiful car!

What truer words, worker comrades!

When you see bicycle rider, think counterrevolutionary! They may look progressive, but that is just a front for their Black Heart of Exxon funded School Scholarship Welfare Vote buying for the evil conservative of Stephen Harper! Aaaaaaaah! They are in the pay of some evil english secret society promoting parapontifical heresy! I could tell just by looking at him.

Now, I need your money. We need to fund research for weapons to hunt down and exteriminate these insect-like pests! Send me your money. Time is short and the need is great but your method of payment is painless as Visa, Mastercard or American Express. Join the Multi-Lateral Jihad-Crusade against the peril of people who ride bicycles. Get out your wallet, take out your chequebook and a pen and come to the computer and Give Me Your Money. Help Me Help You to find a way to hunt them down in your neighbourhood.

My Gift To You If You Act Now!

Yes! I will send you my famous booklet: Hunting Bicyclists with Your Automobile. This booklet has a 49.95 dollar value on E-Bay! Wow! This book I will send to you when you swear obedience to my political party!

Act Now

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.