Yahoo Personals Interpreted

Inspired by my post yesterday regarding pictures of actual members of Yahoo Personals, I am going to interpret the *About Me* section of random Yahoo Personal clients.

I am a 6', 190 lbs, brown hair, blue eye Caucasian male. I am a loving caring sincere and down to earth man seeking woman for long term relationship, words are plenty and cheap but I believe in action so if u are interested and would like to know more then write back.

looking for a loving caring and inteligent.lady who would be my friend and partner, and stick in good and bad time.if you want to know more about me, please contact me.

What it really means:

I am a 5'3, 340lb blob of a human who would eat your face if given half a chance. I'm not so much looking for a long term relationship as I am someone that can stand me and my addiction to animal porn.

As you can tell, diction and grammar matter not a whit to me, I'm uneducated, and my doctor has labeled me mentally deficient. This is due to the fact that when I was a baby, my mommy beat me upside the head with a ping-pong mallet for extended periods of time.

My hobbies include: liquefying chocolate and injecting it into my eye socket. Sticking random pieces of IKEA furniture into my anal cavity. Going to parades and holding up signs. Sitting in one place for hours on end, defecating in my adult diapers. I like going fishing, catching fish, killing fish, eating fish, and making sweet love to fish. I enjoy crocheting my back hair into Japanese anime, and I like to drink bizarre concoctions such as Red Bull, Scotch, and gasoline all mixed together.

I would like kids one day, but my parole officer is dead-set against it. I only have one tattoo, but it covers me from my earlobe to my asshole. I call my bedroom the *Land of terror and torture*, and I enjoy pulling the legs off of centipedes. My paperboy is scared of me, and my mailman throws the mail onto my lawn for fear that I will set him on fire. My penis looks like a chew-toy.

I am looking for a woman who is missing both her legs. She need not be tall or short, thin or heavy, she just needs to be able to live with heavy iron constraints tied to her torso. I am interested in a woman who would like it if I fed her, preferably with a pitchfork. I touch myself so often that once a guy told me to get a room.

If you meet these requirements, and aren't scared of a few bloody lumps on your partners raw dog, them IM me, I'm awake pretty much 24/7.