Crazed Cat Terrorizes Town

As if the world needed another excuse to exterminate the entire cat population:

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.

Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

"Up against the wall, Felix, and spread 'em. We got ya dead-to-rights, Felix, you've been a very, very bad cat".

What is it with the people in this town, don't they have steel toe boots?

Here is my suggestion: If a hissing cat approaches you, don't run away, don't scream like a girl, and don't back down. Just cock your leg back and kick the little shit straight between the eyes. Even if the cat isn't hissing I still suggest doing it. Hell, even if it's a kitten you should still boot it. Shit, even if it's a toddler but you mistake it for a cat....sorry, I got carried away.

Don't be a pussy, kill the cat