Iran is in Deep Trouble

The UN has Iran's number, and if the Iranians were smart they would listen up:

UNITED NATIONS - The U.N. Security Council demanded Wednesday that Iran suspend uranium enrichment, the first time the powerful body has directly urged Tehran to clear up suspicions that it is seeking nuclear weapons.

Diplomats portrayed the statement, which is not legally binding, as a first, modest step toward compelling Iran to make clear that its program is for peaceful purposes.

Wow, the UN issued Iran a statement, the Iranians must be shaking in their collective boots.

The next step after a statement comes a heavily worded and courser statement. If that doesn't work then the Iranians are in real big trouble and will be issued a really, really, heavily worded statement written in red ink.

If the red ink statement doesn't work, then this is when the UN goes into overdrive: They issue a *proclamation*. If the first nine proclamations don't work, then the Iranians will receive 9 more proclamations, but those proclamations will be written in red ink and on beige paper, not typical white paper, and there will be words in there like *angry* and *disappointed*.

If that somehow fails to sway the Iranians to stop their enrichment program, then the UN has no choice but to issue them a *decree*. This is where I actually start to feel sorry for the Iranians. The decree is heavily worded, written on yellow paper and in red ink, and is postage paid to the Iranians.

If the first eight decrees don't work, then the UN will be forced to pull out its big guns: a *declaration*. The declaration will be written in uppercase letters, with red ink and on yellow paper, heavily worded, and there won't be any smiley faces at the bottom of the page where it is signed.

If the declaration doesn't convince the Iranians to change their way, then all hell breaks loose and the UN will issue them a *notification*. The notification will be heavily worded, written in red ink and on purple paper, there won't be any smiley faces at the bottom of the page, it will be postage paid to the Iranians, and the envelope won't be sprayed with perfume. Man, I cringe at the thought of that happening.

If all that doesn't work, the UN will use its special weapon: a series of crank phone calls. "Hello? Ayatolla Khomeini? Do you have Prince Raymous in a box? Yes? You better let him out, he's going to suffocate".

I pity the poor Iranians if it comes down to that.

Hey, Iran! We are very serious, you better stop it!