Good From Afar, but Far From Good

For about the last year or so, I have heard many people drone on about how beautiful Fergie is. I hear folks say that she is gorgeous, she is incredibly scrumpdillyicious, and that she has a smokin' hot body. Well, I hate to break this to you, but you have been pleasuring yourself over pictures of a tranny. You may as well have been chokin' the chicken to Boy George.

That's right, Fergie is a guy. You have been deceived, tricked, manipulated into believing that Fergie is a woman. As this picture clearly shows, Fergie is anything but a woman, as a matter of fact, her/his name isn't even Fergie, it's Roger.

I know you're probably feeling a little stupid right now, and most likely a little dirty, but just because you have been pounding your veal to pictures of Roger for the last year doesn't necessarily mean you're only steps away from moseying up to Brokeback Mountain, it just means that you have zero taste in good looking women, and need someone with an eye for the ladies to help you out. Here's where I come in.

From now on, before you make a judgment whether you think a woman is hot or not, run it by me first. I can spot a chick with a dick from miles away, I have a gift. You've embarrassed yourself long enough, and even though your penis probably wants to commit suicide right now, there is still hope for you, and your penis.

I'm glad I could help. Oh, BTW, about Posh Spice, if I was you, I'd delete her/his picture from your hard-drive immediately.