Dear Ahmoud

Dear Amoud,

My friends and I will be beheading an infidel this Friday evening, and we are wondering what the appropriate garb to wear should be. Ali says we should wear a Shalwar Kameez, but Hakmood says we should dress more casual and wear a Dishdash. I'm a traditionalist, but I do believe we should always dress for success. Any suggestions?

Praise be to Allah,

Al Mamoud Al Fistani

Al Mamoud Al Fistani,

I tend to believe that a Shalwar Kameez would be the best choice, it not only hides the blood better than a Dishdash, but it is less formal for a beheading.

Also, you might want to wrap your Khuff's in Saran Wrap. This will keep your feet dry while the blood of the imperialist pig drips out from his/her neck. I hope this helps.

Dear Amoud,

What is the best food to serve at a good old stoning? I'm thinking that Baked Kibbee Balls, Taboulee Salad, Baba Ghanough, and a side of Grape Leaves sounds delish. What do you think?

PBTA,

Abdul al Pootani Al Dickarooni

Abdul al Pootani Al Dickarooni,

You have made some super choices, the beheading sounds like it will be a blast, I wish I could be there!

I take it you will not be having baked Baba Ghanough, and that it will be fried over an open pit, you don't want your hands lopped off, do you? HAHAHA, I kid!

I suggest Hummus on Pita. Hummas is less filling, and is full of protein. You will need all your strength if you want to get some choice shots in on the dirty whores head.

Also, instead of grape leaves, try Pistachio Kataifi, they are always a crowd pleaser. You didn't mention what beverage will be served for this glorious event, I take it you have chosen Anise Tea? Try Finjan Kirfee this time around. Finjan Kirfee has 1/3 less calories than Anise tea, and if you use ginger root instead of chopped walnuts, you won't get the runs.

Good luck, and may all your stones hit directly in the center of the whores face!