Robert Mugabe
Summer rain always brings to mind my dad, who passed away many years ago. My dad wore many hats in his lifetime, but the one that the summer rain brings to mind is his service in the British Army in the second world war.
Dad got to travel a lot. He shared with me his anecdotes about the far flung British Empire and his observations about this diverse planet we live upon. Dad was a staunch supporter of diversity and multiculturalism. He told me stories about the happy people who lived in model societies like India.
This brings me to my hero of the month, Robert Mugabe. What a great man. Not only has he thrown out the evil white oppressors, but now he is bringing his country into the 21st century with a dynamic economy. My dad told me all about people like Robert Mugabe.
The evil white man destroyed the peaceful agricultural society of the homonormative Xhosa tribes, replacing it with aggressive irrigation and fertilizer and pesticides which increased food yields by a factor of 117. Although the Xhosa had lots to eat (and their population boomed from a mere fifty thousand in 1860 to two million when Ian Smith left) their culture was ruined. No more rap singing to ward off the pangs of hunger, no more body painting when women died in childbirth, no more living in the bush when the Zulu armies came north bent on rape and pillage. Without famine, plague, and Zulu predation, the Xhosa, as a vibrant culture, grew dim, even as their numbers increased by a factor of 100.
Robert Mugabe saw this as an oppressed child, forced to attend an English university in the Imperial Capital of London. He saw how the colonialist oppressors were destroying the vestiges of Xhosa culture with ample food, free grade school education, jobs, rural electricity, health care, and newspapers. Disgusted, he soon turned to the valiant and noble Chinese to destroy this evil modern ‘civilization’ and return the Xhosa to their utopian stone age existence, where buggery was something between man and boy, and not a crime.
After the Orc warlord Ian Smith fled back to the underworld, Robert began to remake Rhodesia into the paradise that is Zimbabwe. The evil white farmers and their oppressive crop surpluses were driven out, and their land given to those most loyal to Roberts vision. Instead of wheat, which causes food allergies, the native goat cactus reclaimed the flat river bottom lands. The Xhosa celebrated their first famine in over a hundred years, remembering their beloved rap music to chant over fresh graves and empty cooking pots. A happy time!
Now, wise Robert is shutting down Zimbabwe’s last contact with the pollution that is western civilization. The platinum mines are to be sold to the peace loving Chinese. Hurrah!
The sooner Canada becomes like Zimbabwe the better. Our third world immigrants miss the good life they left behind in Zimbabwe … lets make Canada more like it!
My name is Fenris Badwulf, and I care.
Dad got to travel a lot. He shared with me his anecdotes about the far flung British Empire and his observations about this diverse planet we live upon. Dad was a staunch supporter of diversity and multiculturalism. He told me stories about the happy people who lived in model societies like India.
This brings me to my hero of the month, Robert Mugabe. What a great man. Not only has he thrown out the evil white oppressors, but now he is bringing his country into the 21st century with a dynamic economy. My dad told me all about people like Robert Mugabe.
The evil white man destroyed the peaceful agricultural society of the homonormative Xhosa tribes, replacing it with aggressive irrigation and fertilizer and pesticides which increased food yields by a factor of 117. Although the Xhosa had lots to eat (and their population boomed from a mere fifty thousand in 1860 to two million when Ian Smith left) their culture was ruined. No more rap singing to ward off the pangs of hunger, no more body painting when women died in childbirth, no more living in the bush when the Zulu armies came north bent on rape and pillage. Without famine, plague, and Zulu predation, the Xhosa, as a vibrant culture, grew dim, even as their numbers increased by a factor of 100.
Robert Mugabe saw this as an oppressed child, forced to attend an English university in the Imperial Capital of London. He saw how the colonialist oppressors were destroying the vestiges of Xhosa culture with ample food, free grade school education, jobs, rural electricity, health care, and newspapers. Disgusted, he soon turned to the valiant and noble Chinese to destroy this evil modern ‘civilization’ and return the Xhosa to their utopian stone age existence, where buggery was something between man and boy, and not a crime.
After the Orc warlord Ian Smith fled back to the underworld, Robert began to remake Rhodesia into the paradise that is Zimbabwe. The evil white farmers and their oppressive crop surpluses were driven out, and their land given to those most loyal to Roberts vision. Instead of wheat, which causes food allergies, the native goat cactus reclaimed the flat river bottom lands. The Xhosa celebrated their first famine in over a hundred years, remembering their beloved rap music to chant over fresh graves and empty cooking pots. A happy time!
Now, wise Robert is shutting down Zimbabwe’s last contact with the pollution that is western civilization. The platinum mines are to be sold to the peace loving Chinese. Hurrah!
The sooner Canada becomes like Zimbabwe the better. Our third world immigrants miss the good life they left behind in Zimbabwe … lets make Canada more like it!
My name is Fenris Badwulf, and I care.
posted by The Mayor at 12:43 PM
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