To spit or not to spit...

I've noticed a trend that has taken hold in Mitchieville within the last few years, a trend that I think is just great. And that trend is, girl spitters. Yup, girls sure do like to spit.

We have reached full equality between the sexes now that women have finally broken through the loogie barrier, I can hear your collective *roars*.

It seems that girls just can't get enough of the whole spitting thing, they revel in it, they dig it big time. Everywhere I go I see girls horking up a lung, and quite frankly, I find that super duper sexy and very cool.

Now I know a lot of my good readership might not agree with me on this one. You might even be saying to yourself, "But Mr. Mayor, girls that spit are filthy, disgusting maggots that should be severely punished for their bad manners". To this I say, nonsense.

There is nothing more wholesome than some young tart standing outside of a Wal-Mart horking puddles. It's as if their body is rejecting its natural fluids and can't wait to escape. It should be encouraged.

Girl gobbers are making a statement, they are saying "look at me, I'm all class". Rumour has it that the Queen of England fills up two Salada tea containers full of her own spit every day. I say, if it is good enough for Her Majesty, it's good enough for our kids.

Make no mistake about it, guys love girls that spit. There is nothing hotter than watching a girl make the *hrrrrrchhh* sound and letting one fly, nothing I tells ya, nothing. Men could watch that all day.

Sometimes after I see a girl spit, I'll walk right over to them and spit right in their face. Solidarity my sisters, solidarity. I feel that if my children have to walk through their landmine 'O spit, then they certainly wouldn't mind me just horking right on them. It gives a message to them, I support you, I know where you're coming from.

For all you girls out there that are not spitters but want to become one, do it immediately. The world is your oyster, we encourage and love you. We don't think you're trashy and slutty with pig-like tendencies, we think your the cats ass.