Jennifer Aniston's love letter

Jennifer Aniston's memorabilia from when she was 15 goes on sale next week, yawn.

Michael Baroni, an attorney in California, claims to have had a summer romance with the star in 1984, when he was 16 and she was 15. And Baroni says that he has memorabilia to prove it, including pictures, a handwritten love note, a birthday card scrawled on a toilet paper and other items documenting the pair's relationship. He also has a notarized statement attesting to the items' authenticity.

As luck would have it, I happen to have that love letter she sent when she was 15. It really isn't so much a love letter as it is a desperate cry for help. Have a look for yourself.

Dear Mike,

I have given you my heart, as well as certain other parts of my body, and the way you thank me is by running off with a prettier girl? That figures. You suck.

I know I am only 15, but as you know, you are my 30th relationship I've had in my life. You are also the 30th boy to dump me and run away with a prettier girl. I hate this life of mine.

You just wait, Mike. You just wait, one day I'm going to be famous and I'll meet a man who wouldn't dream of dumping me and running away with a prettier girl. Seriously, it could happen, anything's possible.

Why don't boys want to stay with me? Is it because I pick my teeth with a fork when I'm at the dinner table? Is it because of my *hygiene problems*? Is it because I have absolutely zero confidence in myself and it just oozes from every orifice of my nubile yet underdeveloped body?

You know, I'm getting sick and tired of everyone I know bolting from my life like I have an incurable skin disease. Everyone seems to leave me; my boyfriends, my daddy, my dentist, hell, we've had 20 different mail carriers in the last year.

I'm pretty, damn you! I know I have the tendency to say the word *like* like 9000 times every sentence, but like don't leave me for that, like we can work it out.

I'll wait for you, Mike, forever if I have to. Please call me, I'm so despondent right now that I can't even think straight. Can we at least be *FRIENDS*?

I love you, Mike, please come back to me.

Love forever,

Jenni-poo
xoxo